Night Attack by Christine Whitlock - Short, Thriller - Remote farm, lone woman. An old farm woman getting ready for bath is attacked. 3 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hi Christine, took a read, few thoughts, just my opinion of course.

I thought this was written well enough but was too linear, too famiiar and therefore lacked any real appeal... could do with a twist or something to differentiate it.

Cheers

Anthony

I don't think she's around Anthony, this is the 4th short script I've seen under her name, she also has two features out, I have yet to see a comment from her...

Compared to your other shorts, this much better with writing and format, but I would have to agree with Anthony, the story is too simple, you have to spice it up a bit.

Shame she's not active - great bunch of writers around here to help...

Anthony

Quoted Text        ABBY Hello, Cindy. Yes, I'm just getting ready for bed as soon as I feed Elmer. The older woman takes cat food out of the fridge and fills the cat bowl as she talks on the phone.

Abvoe, and throughout the rest of the script you keep using the term older woman. Isn't that Abby????

Christine,

What the others stated and...

What is the impetus for the attack? There is no set up other than she was there getting ready for bed (not a bath as stated in the log line) and she is whacked by a mysterious stranger that just appeared for no given reason.

Ian

Christine,

Errors in the logline are not a good start.

As for the script, there's formatting problems with your dialogue. Check what software you are using.

You have a knack for describing the scenes quite vividly but the actual story itself feels really flat and unoriginal. I'd suggest focusing on the story first and then spruce it up with nice visuals.

-Mark