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The primary purpose of the SimplyScripts Discussion Board is the discussion of unproduced screenplays. If you are a producer or director lookng for your next project, the works here are available for option, purchase or production only if you receive permission from the author.
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Night Attack by Christine Whitlock - Short, Thriller - Remote farm, lone woman. An old farm woman getting ready for bath is attacked. 3 pages - pdf, format
Hi Christine, took a read, few thoughts, just my opinion of course.
I thought this was written well enough but was too linear, too famiiar and therefore lacked any real appeal... could do with a twist or something to differentiate it.
I don't think she's around Anthony, this is the 4th short script I've seen under her name, she also has two features out, I have yet to see a comment from her...
Compared to your other shorts, this much better with writing and format, but I would have to agree with Anthony, the story is too simple, you have to spice it up a bit.
What is the impetus for the attack? There is no set up other than she was there getting ready for bed (not a bath as stated in the log line) and she is whacked by a mysterious stranger that just appeared for no given reason.
As for the script, there's formatting problems with your dialogue. Check what software you are using.
You have a knack for describing the scenes quite vividly but the actual story itself feels really flat and unoriginal. I'd suggest focusing on the story first and then spruce it up with nice visuals.
-Mark
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