The May 2015 "Elevator" scripts

Some Things to remember:
1. We have a couple of first time writers.  I think they've done a pretty good job for his/her first submission.
2. I read all of the early submissions and if they deviated from the "in and/or around elevator" I asked for revisions.
3. However, later scripts I didn't have time to read so, later entries may not adheare as strictly to the "in and/or around elevator"
4. In hindsight, I wish I had left them as they were and let the discussion board members decide.
5. There is one script that did and didn't meet the requirements, but it was a so out of the box interpretation of the theme that I had to include it.

Update: This "intimate" gathering had 36 entries.  35 scripts were posted.  One withdrew (but may go back in).

Behind Closed Doors by Janet Clarke (wonkavite) writing as Baretta - Short, Thriller, Drama - Three men flee a botched bank robbery, seeking shelter in an elevator. But will they face more horrible truths inside? 8 pages - pdf, format 8)

Lift in a 1 Star Hotel by Simon Wiedmann (simon) writing as It's a secret... for now... - Short, Comedy - Eek… 8 pages - pdf, format 8)

The Deuce by R. E. McManus (rendevous) writing as ? - Short, Drama, Thriller - An elevator and two guys on their way up. What can go down? 10 pages - pdf, format 8)

Great White by P. Cook (angry bear) writing as Queenie Tarantela - Short, Crime, Thriller - A crime boss and his goons, regret letting an extremely annoying woman into the elevator with them. 9 pages - pdf, format 8)

Drop Zone by Richard Russell (richardr) writing as Otis Hoo - Short - A physicist about to compete in a reality game show gets a call from his wife--she's pregnant--and his brother has hit on her. 8 pages - pdf, format 8)

Up - and Out by Janet Clarke (wonkavite) writing as TBD - Short, Comedy - Andrew gets on an elevator. Everything goes to Hell from there. 6 pages - pdf, format 8)

The Equitable Life by Pete B. Lane writing as ? - Short, Supernatural Horror - As a delivery man, Isaac’s destination is chosen for him. But this elevator ride will force him to choose his path. 12 pages - pdf, format 8)

Going Down by Chris Bodily writing as Anonymous - Short, Thriller, Horror - An elevator reunites a woman with her two exes -- one a pudgy gentleman; the other a suave, abusive creep. 8 pages - pdf, format 8)

The Relevator by David Lambertson (eldave1) writing as  - Short, Drama - A wealthy man experiences death and life in an elevator. 11 pages - pdf, format 8)

Company Stress Test by Darren J Seeley writing as Bill S. Guier - Short, Science Fiction, Satire Comedy, Surreal - There's something wrong with the stairs, so four employees take the new elevator. There's something wrong with that, too. 12 pages - pdf, format 8)

Elevated Blood Pressure by Dustin Bowcott writing as Guy N. Smith - Short, Horror - Four ghost hunters find more than they bargained for inside the elevator of an old slaughterhouse. 9 pages - pdf, format 8)

The Final Level by Jeff Bush (dreamscale) writing as blank - Short, Survival, Horror, SyFy - Two warriors fight for their survival in a wicked game with deadly adversaries. 9 pages - pdf, format 8)

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice by Bill Sarre (reef dreamer) writing as Christine Beauchamp - Short, Drama - With the help of a new friend, Alice discovers a way to manage her difficult situation. 11 pages - pdf, format 8)

The Necro File by Jayden Simon writing as Dunkin Ho Nuts - Short, Erotic Horror - A sexually inexperienced assistant to the coroner becomes stuck on an elevator with the corpse of a beautiful young woman and, well, first love is never easy, is it? 8 pages - pdf, format 8)

Elevator Game by Steve McDonell writing as  - Short, Horror - Two girls risk supernatural forces when they play the Elevator Game. 6 pages - pdf, format 8)

Case of Death by Dena McKinnon (pale yellow) writing as Quintana Tarantula - Short, Thriller - A ruthless assassin must improvise when a small wrench is thrown into her plan.  7 pages - pdf, format 8)

Tales of Horror presents: The Game Room forth ed. by Dan Campisi + Debra Johnson writing as Godzilla loves virgins + Debra Desch - Short, Horror - Death isn't the worst thing that can happen to you. 11 pages - pdf, format 8)

The Saturn Method by John Robbins & Steven Clark writing as  - Short, Comedy - On an elevator, a sleazy underdog rivals a professional "pickup artist" in a battle of egos. 12 pages - pdf, format 8)

I Got 99 Problems by Mark Renshaw writing as Elisha Graves Otis  - Short, Fantasy, Horror - An office worker returns home after a long day and embarks on a rather surreal journey in a faulty elevator to the 99th floor. 11 pages - pdf, format 8)

Fairytale by Anthony Cawood writing as ? - Short, Romantic Drama - A divorcing couple argue about his infidelity on the way to see their lawyers, they find something unexpected along the way and have twenty two floors to reflect.  10 pages - pdf, format 8)

Just the Tip by Steve Miles writing as  - Short, Dark Comedy - A proud elevator operator fights to protect those in his charge -- unless that is, they opt for the stairs… 10 pages - pdf, format 8)

Going Down (another script with the same title) by Kyle Hasegawa writing as  - Short, Drama - Multiple obstacles stop a man from going downstairs via elevator.  7 pages - pdf, format 8)

Broken Restraining Order by Mark-Curtis Dunn writing as  - Short, Crime, Drama - Celebrity Lori Kirkland believes she covers herself with caution, only to be trapped in an elevator with her stalker. 8 pages - pdf, format 8)

Iron Garbage by Mohammad Nawaz writing as  - Short, Drama - An aging bellhop faces life's harsh realities as he's intertwined into the life of a championship boxer. 12 pages - pdf, format 8)

Starlift by Ian J. Courter writing as Niemand Geist - Short, Science Fiction, Comedy - Ineptitude and a clash of personalities endanger the launch of the first space lift/elevator as supposedly English speaking astronauts try to work together and save the mission in this salute to those bad special effect shows of the 1970s. 11 apges - pdf, format 8)

The Kill Switch by Ammar Salmi writing as  - Short, Action, Thriller - A private detective break all the laws to save the love of his life from a secret organization. 7 pages - pdf, format 8)

Feels Like Falling by Eric Wall writing as Michelle O’Connell - Short, Drama - An elevator operator finds his simple job becoming much more complicated when he tries to talk one of his building's tenants out of an abusive relationship. 12 pages - pdf, format 8)

I Got The Shaft by Jeffrey Dean Langham (Jeremiah Johnson) writing as Steven Tyler - Short, Drama - A geek and a beautiful woman stuck in an elevator.  What could go wrong? 7 pages - pdf, format 8)

Fabrini by Henry Christner (stumpzian) writing as Ulysses Diello - Short, Drama - A hotel elevator operator in Washington, D.C., discovers an alignment of past and present. 7 pages - pdf, format 8)

Placebo Button by Jamrach Buchanan (paydirt) writing as  - Short, Thriller - After a traumatic encounter in an elevator, a dejected man risks his life in an effort to save one stranger from another. 11 pages - pdf, format 8)

Elevator Parody by Alex Brauck writing as  - Short, Action, Comedy, Parody - Spidey Kid kicks ass in a world full of blockbuster characters. 7 pages - pdf, format 8)

Quoted from Don

5. There is one script that did and didn't meet the requirements, but it was a so out of the box interpretation of the theme that I had to include it.

Sounds interesting. Can't wait to read it. Cheers mate.

Thanks Don - your effort is much appreciated

Will start reading later

Thanks Don!!

Are there many entries? I want to plan my reading schedule.

Wow. Looks like a cr*pload of entries for what was supposed to be a smaller OWC.

As usual, these threads often grow too quickly for us to "see" everything.

Please notify your friendly neighborhood Moderator if you spot trouble brewing somewhere -- by PM or using the "report" button on the upper-right of the post. Either way.

I counted 36 entries. Impressive.

Quoted from DS

I counted 36 entries. Impressive.

Expect that to drop by one or two once the reviews come back a little less positive than they imagined.

Quoted from DustinBowcot

Expect that to drop by one or two once the reviews come back a little less positive than they imagined.

Why? Do people ask for them to be removed if they get blasted?

Damn.

Quoted from Max

Why? Do people ask for them to be removed if they get blasted?

Damn.

Yeah, I'm with him? Why would they do that? So what if people don't like it. They don't have to take responsibility for it since their name isn't on it.

I doubt mine will do well, being first time and all...

Names are revealed at the end.

Still though, that's no biggie!

If your script sucks then suck it up lol, people had a week to write a story set in an elevator only... that ain't for everybody and it certainly wasn't for me...

No skin off my back if people say it's garbage, it wasn't something I'd normally write about anyway.

Depends how seriously you take yourself I guess...

Thanks Don. I will get to reading Tuesday ....driving back home. Surprised there were this many. And I only wrote one this time! Promise. :)

Yeah, I'm shocked how many as well.

Will start reading ASAP. but most likely not till Tuesday.

Is there a page with all of them listed? Some fall off the portal and I can never find them all!!

Quoted from Pale Yellow

Is there a page with all of them listed? Some fall off the portal and I can never find them all!!

Dena,

I'll get that up in a bit.

Don

Found them on the OWC page :) I'm so computer illiterate these days, Don ....no worries. :)

Oh my, 36! I too didn't expect this many. It's a bank holiday weekend here and I'm off with the kids, back Tuesday but I'll try to read and review as many as I can before the deadline...err btw is there a deadline?

Posted all the scripts in one location this thread.

- Don

Great effort as usual by Don. Extra thanks to him as my computer froze so wasn't able to submit through SS. He was kind enough to let me email thru Dropbox.

Well, he would've been if I entered.... ;D

Will start reading these today - Monday for me.

Just read two.

Both excellent.

Could be a great OWC for quality.

Read and commented on five so far. Closed one because I'm 98% sure I deduced who it was from the first quarter of a page. Killed the fun, I guess. Will get back to that one later.

Didn't manage to enter so I doubt I'll try and read/comment on them all or a huge number of them, but I'll try and get to at least 5-10 more. This OWC really does look good though. Good work everyone!

Holy cow! 36 entries???? I'll try to start reading tomorrow. Right now, I'm exhausted.

Great work people! And, from most of the comments I've read so far, it seems to be a fairy good bunch of scripts as well!! 8)

How is the winner decided again? Is it vote or?

Quoted from Max

How is the winner decided again? Is it vote or?

This isn't a contest. It's a challenge.

- Don

Quoted from Don

This isn't a contest. It's a challenge.

- Don

Oh right, I thought somebody got named as the best entry or something.

Wish I could've voted for my favorite :(

Quoted from Don

This isn't a contest. It's a challenge.

- Don

I'm in a lift now. Oh, no I'm not, I'm above it. Trinity is by my side, I turn to her and say "There is no spoon."

R

Btw, has anyone ever reacted badly to having their OWC script shat on? Some guy posted a feature in the comedy section and snapped when somebody criticized it.

Has it ever happened in an OWC? Curious.

I can see how Dreamscale's comments would rub somebody the wrong way if they didn't understand he was trying to help them write better.

HaHa....well played, lads.

I seriously hope my comments are not bothering peeps. I have not, in any way been mean to anyone. I have not written my feedback in a condescending way. I haven't even tried to be funny in how I posted my feedback.

I'm just telling it like I see it, and always giving the reasons why I feel the way I do.

Am I being a dick to anyone? I hope not, as I'm definitely trying to be honest and helpful.

All 36 read and all but 1 commented on... for not meeting the criteria imho... some really good entries in this OWC!

Now back to some writing!

Quoted from Max

Btw, has anyone ever reacted badly to having their OWC script shat on?

Just try to grin and bear it.

I've noticed some comments are getting shorter and more negative as time goes on. Personally, I'm frustrated with some of the comments to my script as well, but, like I said, we just have to grin and bear it...

Still got a ways to go, but the writing going on in this OWC is outstanding. There's a few styles that aren't for me, but nothing completely unreadable or hard to understand. Just thought I'd express that. Great efforts so far. Reading more...

Quoted from Max

Btw, has anyone ever reacted badly to having their OWC script shat on? Some guy posted a feature in the comedy section and snapped when somebody criticized it.

I would not limit it to the OWC.

Some people have reacted badly when shat upon. Yours truly included. It is the nature of the beast (someone is calling your baby ugly). What you will find is that SS criticism varies from very kind and soft to very mean and harsh and everything in between. However, regardless of tone, the criticism here is almost always valuable. Getting used to the harsh end of the spectrum takes time, but something that one most do if they are to improve their writing.

I happened to read the post you were referring to the other day ("Santa" something or another). After seeing the author's diatribe after the critique I simply moved him to my - "do not review" list. He was not looking for a critique. He was looking for praise.

It's one of those things. Unfortunately, as the contest goes on, people are busy just trying to get it over with and get through the scripts (generalization, but accurate) so reviews become curt, less detailed and typically angrier (although, that may have to do more with similar ideas than anything else).

It does feel a bit daunting when you see 36 scripts uploaded and you only have, what, a week to read them? Not sure on the exact time frame or how this all works, but it does make you feel like you're on a time limit and need to burrow through the "weaker" entries in order to discover the "good ones".
I know my reviews are not even reviews, they're just "this was good, liked this, didn't like that" and I'm out. Apologies for that, but I suppose this is what some producers or the people that look for scripts for producers have to go through on a daily basis.

Quoted from SteveDiablo

It does feel a bit daunting when you see 36 scripts uploaded and you only have, what, a week to read them?

No one said you have to read all of them. I'm contemplating reading only two or maybe three quarters of them, but trying to give better feedback. Feedback with some suggestions on how to improve the script. Not just a "I hated/loved this. Good job."

Quoted from Grandma Bear

Great idea.
Yes, I think I will go with that, I'm never gonna be able to read every single script posted. I might if I just give "YES" or "NO" comments, like I have been doing, but what good is that to anyone?

I will try and just set a few aside and try to write a decent review on them.

It is a challenge in itself to read these things when you just don't have that much time.

I did notice a lot of scripts posted felt very similar in style, not quite a screenplay style I'm fond of , but a style the majority seem to prefer which is interesting.

Another note: Maybe I am taking this a bit too seriously. It's a fun challenge that I think is awesome. Why try to act like I'm Ebert and Roeper?
At the same time, I don't think I can offer that much help, I'm not an experienced writer and when I read the posts above what I've said, it just bangs that home even more. I don't even know what half of you are talking about...

I'll try my best, but I feel a bit silly trying to tell someone how to write a script when I'm not on that level.

A note to first timers - my reviews are always short and to the point. I sorta leave it to others to give a more detailed look.

Anyone who wants me to read theirs if I haven't already, PM me. Also can give a longer review if you want. Cheers

What's with the "musak" or "muzak" word this OWC?
Is there some strange agreement or something?

Kham, 'muzak' is otherwise known as elevator music. Oxford Dictionary def: Recorded light background music played through speakers in public places - particularly elevators, and it's usually particularly bad. That last bit about it being bad was my edit. :)

That explains it! Thanks, Libby. I thought it's another word made up by the community - just like "pisser".

Suggestion of the week, from Steve Miles...

"Thinking I might start a DING! tally… "

There's always an informal theme, or common description in these things. I recall the over growing weeds in the gothic horror. OWC

Still, to this day, anytime I hear an elevator ding, all I can think of is the end of The Cabin in the Woods...

I just say elevator music, Muzak is far too cool for me.

Almost finished.

A few I have read but won't comment on for my reasons - including laziness, as well as politeness - but most I will.

I thought this challenge could be quite claustrophobic but as so many scripts are set outside, or indeed nowhere near a lift, it hasn't been that bad. 8) 8) 8)

There have been some decent efforts, and some with decent potential.

We all have to remember the MOST amount of time we have was seven days. :o

In reality many folk had much less. From knowing about the OWC to submitting was around five days for me and I would imagine some worked with less. Then it's the time available to write, read, reflect.

Hopefully, the positive aspect with this challenge is that many should be filmable. In theory. >:(

I think a lot of the anger comes when writers read harsh reviews on their own scripts, they then dole out the same treatment to another writer.

I notice it every OWC. At first everyone is nice (aside from Jeff). The writers that get good reviews may be extra complimentary to a story that doesn't warrant it. The writers that get bad reviews are extra harsh.

Remember, this site is full of writers. Aside from the odd bit of advice now and again, our opinions do not count.

Unfavorable reviews also might be due to rushing towards the end.

But I agree with Pia - you better give a few a careful read and say something concrete rather than rush through all of them just for the sake of reading all.
And then, who needs numerous reviews saying the same thing - at this point if I see a script gathered a lot of negative reviews I don't step in with the same thing.

About the challenge - I thought the location was to be set entirely inside an elevator, so at the beginning I was sure that neither of the scripts (minus 2 or 3) met the parameters. Only then I gave the instructions another read. Silly me.

Tough challenge by the way.

I participated in these challenges in another life and the quality of the writing, IMO, has gone up quite a bit! I really didn't care for the elevator instructions at first, I thought the scripts would all be too similar, but I was mistaken. A lot of very imaginative efforts on display. In general it's been impressive and even the few scripts that have been chores to read have had strong concepts.

Wonka promised a lot of sex and death. Plenty of the latter, only one example of the former that I've seen so far, and I've read over 20.

A lot of people seem to be really bugging about the parameters. Some even seem to really expect that every story take place completely on an elevator. I think with 36 scripts it's better to allow a little freedom to create. The parameters said, I think, "on or next to an elevator". To me, if the central action of the story is on the elevator, and the other scenes are near the elevator, such as the lobby or the hallway, whatever room contains the elevator, that's fine. 36 scripts is a lot to read, I'd rather allow a little freedom for the sake of getting more creative stories.

Quoted from SteveDiablo

Steve,
Just because you might not know as much as they do about formatting, set up or whatever doesn't mean you don't have valuable insight to offer.  You might be good at dialog, or spotting weak plot points, or punctuation or something else like that.  Everyone has something to offer, even if that is just something mundane.  If you catch a typo that others missed, you've done a great favor for them.

Don't discount yourself.  Knowledge comes with time, effort always matters.
Dan

Quoted from Grandma Bear

Pia
I hope you will read mine.

Dan

Quoted from khamanna

Agreed,
     It was a tough challenge and I admit that I didn't fully "get" it.  I didn't come up with a great story.
I wish we could have another story challenge.  Like now.

I reviewed many of the scripts pretty early on, and I don't look at mine, so, that way, I don't get influenced by any comments on mine.  And I got slammed, but, I think it is up to each of us to act like a professional and accept it.

Look at it this way, I'd rather hear it from you guys then send it out and have a professional toss it for the same reasons that were listed on here.

I disagree with Dustin in that our opinions don't matter.  I think each opinion offers something.  Whether or not you accept that opinion is up to you.  The dumbest comment could unlock something you never saw within your script.  A different way to look at your characters could set your idea apart.  So, you should at least be willing to listen, or else why are you here?

Dan

Quoted from DanC

Pia
I hope you will read mine.

I have no idea which one is yours and don't tell me!! ;D

There were a lot more entries than I would've thought. Hard to guess who wrote what. I only know four of the writers, but I ain't telling! As far as my own scripts goes, I will admit to have taken many liberties in the writing style, but I did it only to see how Jeff would react. :P

Quoted from Grandma Bear

How is your story doing? Are people enjoying it? Did I give it a good review? I have read all 36 entries. Some I loved, some I liked, some I hated.

I didn't love mine, but, I thought it was a bit better then some said. Yes, there are huge mistakes, but, I thought it had some potential...

Quoted from DanC

How is your story doing? Are people enjoying it? Did I give it a good review? I have read all 36 entries. Some I loved, some I liked, some I hated.

Jeff couldn't finish mine. How about that? ;D

I would say my feedback have been lukewarm. I won't get another mug, but that's okay. I wrote mine with the idea of maybe filming it myself.

Quoted from Grandma Bear

As far as my own scripts goes, I will admit to have taken many liberties in the writing style, but I did it only to see how Jeff would react. :P

And, it went exactly as expected. Ahem. Lol. =)

P.S. Don't you mean "script", Pia? =)

Read all 36? That's impressive.
It's not your first OWC, right, Dan? Just asking.

My script was liked by some, hated by others.

I needed to take that hit tho because I ain't gonna improve otherwise. I only had like 2 days to write my piece and I pissed through it mostly.

I'm already thinking about the next OWC, I'm gonna use the whole week for that when it rolls around. Til then, I'll work on a few shorts.

All in all, I got the bad ideas off my chest.

Quoted from Grandma Bear

I will admit to have taken many liberties in the writing style, but I did it only to see how Jeff would react. :P

Oh, Pia, you're killing me here. Sorry, if I wasn't nice on yours.

You didn't even read mine!!!!

I’m through most of them, will finish the rest tomorrow.

A really inventive and mixed bunch. Great stuff and I’m going to struggle to pick one clear winner. I’ve got around 5 I love to bits (and I am jealous of)and quite a few more that show loads of potential.

With mine I got the usual mix of love/hate and everything in-between. I did note that Dreamscale read the whole thing, which is a first for me. He has bailed after about 2 pages in everything I’ve written up to now, so I must be improving…or he was in a charitable mood lol.

Despite this I am happy with what I wrote, even though some didn’t like it or get it at all. I only had two nights spare, focused on the premise of shoestring and in or around an elevator and gave it my best shot. If I had more time and could have opened up my imagination without fear of budget, I’m sure it would have been better, or far worse; one of the two anyway.

Thanks to everyone who entered and everyone who took the time to read/review each story; especially those who were polite enough to read the whole script. ;-)

-Mark

Quoted from MarkRenshaw

I did note that Dreamscale read the whole thing, which is a first for me. He has bailed after about 2 pages in everything I’ve written up to now, so I must be improving…or he was in a charitable mood lol. -Mark

See how nice I can be? ;D ;D ;D

I am almost done as well - a few "lift" to go.

What I like best about the OWC is the challenge it presents to just effing write. Can't tell you how many times I have ignored the keyboard for days under the excuse of writer's block. The OWC is a good lesson in - hoist your pants up and start banging some stuff out - edit/review - keep going. Long winded way of saying the exercise of writing has it's own rewards and the OWC is a great gym to exercise in.

Quoted from khamanna

Read all 36? That's impressive.
It's not your first OWC, right, Dan? Just asking.

Nope, this was my first OWC.  I lost my virginity.

I didn't do well.  I admit that I didn't really understand the parameters.

Pia, did I give you a good review?  I'm curious.

Did you enter it Khammana?  Did I give you a good review?  There were some stories that I really liked.

I think the 2 Great White stories were from a team up that I saw earlier in the week.

I don't know enough about most of you to know your style or not.  Still in the reading process.  I know I have written lots of stuff, but, I've been here less then 2 months.  Still trying to learn and get to know the regulars.

I hope we do another one before the 3 month time period.  I know I'd be willing to help if it meant we could do this again (just a more interesting challenge please :) )

I think I read them all. It's a large number. Much like erm, my debts.

I think the odd one escaped me, and I tried to be fair, on the whole. Looking back I got a bit carried away on certain ones considering there are new writers about.

I remember those days. Certain comments can make you float for days, or sink like a stone for often much longer. Thankfully my ego is more resilient these days. Hopefully I didn't crush too many toes.

It's been interesting, and often taxing. I guess that's how it should be. Any less would be disappointing. That's always a bugger to spell, isn't it?

I'm looking forward to the right to reply. I'll be giving a good kicking to some daft arses, then getting the biscuits out for those who have more sense. Some will even be getting cake.

R

Dreamscale actually helped me for the better.

I'm now employing his "white space" technique, basically.. you just break all the action up into the shots, which is what I wasn't doing... I was mixing everything in with everything.

Basically a way to develop white space on the page and make the reading really skimmy.

I just need to stop trying to get above my station with some of the descriptive writing because it turns into an awkward mess.

Start simple, break things up, don't try and be too flowery but be succinct and clear.

Quoted from eldave1

I totally agree. That's why I wish we had more of these. Call them monthly assignments. I don't know about you, but, it isn't fair for Don to do all the work, I'd totally be willing to help out. I bet others would too.

Dan

Quoted from Max

I think the rule of thumb is one paragraph for one thought. Any deviance from that thought means a new paragraph. It makes sense. This isn't prose and this isn't novel or short story writing.

The director and actors need to have a clear direction in what is expected of them. By breaking up each train of thought, you make it easier for everyone to do their job. I see that in so many scripts now.

Max, I've read a few of your ideas, I'm sorry if I never mentioned about spacing out the ideas...

Dan

Quoted from DanC

Pia, did I give you a good review? I'm curious.

I think the 2 Great White stories were from a team up that I saw earlier in the week.

If I told you, you would figure out which one I wrote. ;D

I know who wrote the Great White scripts, but again, I ain't telling. :P

Quoted from Grandma Bear

If I told you, you would figure out which one I wrote. ;D

I know who wrote the Great White scripts, but again, I ain't telling. :P

Bah,
I rated everyone. I doubt that I'd recognize yours from your score, unless it was very high or very low...

I guess I can wait. This is kinda like reverse Christmas when you want to know who did what so you can apologize for being such a jerk and try to repair friendships :)

Pia, I think I figured something out now...and it makes perfect sense now that I think about it.

Yep, perfect sense. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Quoted from DanC

Did you enter it Khammana? Did I give you a good review? There were some stories that I really liked.

I saw an entry that seems like it could be mine! Let'see. I can't wait for the reveal of the names.

Quoted from Grandma Bear

...I will admit to have taken many liberties in the writing style, but I did it only to see how Jeff would react. :P

Haha...I do that, too! And I put them right up front, so he'll bail early!!

Did not play this time -- none of the entries are mine -- but this comment amused me a great deal :)

Quoted from bert

Haha...I do that, too! And I put them right up front, so he'll bail early!!

Did not play this time -- none of the entries are mine -- but this comment amused me a great deal :)

Bert,
    I saw what you said to that guy who wrote that comedy "Santa and the Pole Dancer."  You were right to say that.  He was so rude.  I can't believe he said that.

I wouldn't be shocked if no one reads anything he does ever again.  I almost want to read it all the way through and if it ins't genius, really let him know how bad this American thinks it is.

Can't believe he actually said he thought it was genius.  I mean, it's Santa and a pole dancer.  Genius isn't the first word I'd use...

Quoted from Max

I'm now employing his "white space" technique, basically.. you just break all the action up into the shots...

That's not his technique... that's just how you're meant to write screenplays.

Quoted from DustinBowcot

That's not his technique... that's just how you're meant to write screenplays.

Fair enough but some great screenplays ain't written like that, and of course I'm talking about some of the professional scripts

Look at Zodiac script, that is riddled with domino action and it reads like a dream...

But of course that doesn't mean it's grammatically right but it's a snappy read.

True, but it was also written over the span of a decade. =)

There's no such thing as screenplay "grammar", Fenigus. There are guidelines and traditions that have developed over time, but these are always changing and are to a large degree artificially constructed by those trying to teach screenplay writing. There's no such thing as "correct" screenwriting. Honor the traditions by making your work look and smell like a screenplay, but don't obsess over rules that don't exist. The only real rule is what works best. Of course, be grateful to those that take the time to help like Dreamscale.

To some of the virginal writers  ;D having their first OWC, I've had an idea banging(no pun intended) around for awhile about a future OWC:

We are given a set theme then the genre is randomly allocated to whoever is keen to enter. Obviously if there were say, 40 writers and 10 or so genres - drama, comedy, horror, rom com, western etc - then 4 perps would have the same genre. I think it would be fascinating to see the differnt interpretations of the same strict theme!  And the limited parameters would make it more challenging.

Anyway carry on chasps.  I've got a couple more to read. I'm actually a bit let down by the overall quality - there has been only 5 that have been good IMO.

Saturn Method is my favorite so far.

Feels like falling, good stuff.

What else? Fabrini was a sweet little tale.

Top entries.

The only decent script is the Bunny Man!!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D

There is screenplay grammar. It's not the same as proper grammar, but you can't just say that grammar doesn't come into play in screenwriting.

Quoted from DanC

Thanks Dan.

I think I can go to town on something when I have time, I'm just struggling with the amount.
It makes you a little ratty, twitchy, anxious to get to the next one because there are so many to get through.
At the same time, a couple of scripts really caught my eye and made me read them through to the end so these are the ones I class as good.

Thanks for the encouragement,

The others, whilst decent, just can't keep my attention, so I'd put them in a lower bracket.

Quoted from Max

Do you have a link to that Zodiac script? I'd like to see how it was tackled.

Quoted from stevie

Ooooo That's cool. I'd be down for that. I call pisser for my ideas, oh wait, that isn't a compliment... :) ::)

Quoted from Max

Saturn Method is my favorite so far.

Feels like falling, good stuff.

What else? Fabrini was a sweet little tale.

Top entries.

So funny.

I hated Saturn Method.  Like a lot.

Oh, Jeff, when he was outside in an elevator, I imagined the lifts like in Vegas where they are outside.  Since I'm handicap, you have to look in the corners of the casinos that no one wants you in.  Those are where they put the lifts.  Those carts can't go up escalators.

So, I imagined they were outdoors.  Some do exist like that.

Quoted from Max

I'm now employing his "white space" technique

For every rule I’ve seen quoted here and in screenwriting books, there’s a script out there that has broken it. And not just any old amateur script but a script written by a paid professional that has gone onto become a successful movie/TV series. Here’s one of my all-time favourites from the script ‘Lethal Weapon’

XT. POSH BEVERLY HILLS HOME - TWILIGHT                      49

     The kind of house that I'll buy if this movie is a huge
     hit.  Chrome.  Glass.  Carved wood.  Plus an outdoor
     solarium:  A glass structure, like a greenhouse only
     there's a big swimming pool inside.  This is a really
     great place to have sex.

I love this lol. Everything you need to know about the house is in the scene heading, but Shane wastes loads of white space elaborating. This was the first screenplay Shane Black sold and it was for $250,000. I know someone will come back on this and say this was a fluke or something but just go out there and read scripts, lots of scripts and you’ll see plenty of examples were a certain rule has not been followed and yet the script was sold.

If anyone had employed anything like the above in this OWC, some would have loved it also but some would have ripped them a new bottom-hole, or stopped reading the script right there. And yet, doesn't it stand out? If you read 36 scripts with descriptions like 'Posh, expensive house' sure it's simple and saves space but memorable? No. The above one you'll remember forever and sometimes you need to stand out from the crowd to be noticed.

It’s simply a case of opinion and if someone has laid into your script in a manner which suggests they know exactly the right way which will be universally accepted by any studio or director; just bear in mind they are simply stating their opinion. Even if that opinion comes from some experience in the business, don’t give up because someone on here has told you that you are a poor writer.

I watched Tomorrowland over the weekend. It’s pretty shit really but with some OK parts. What is really noticable,  about 70% of the dialogue is exposition and the movie is dialogue heavy, a big no-no if you go by certain ‘rules.  Whatever you think of the movie and how it performs at the box office, this script was written and sold for a fortune, it was also turned into a multi-million dollar movie. Just don’t get me started on Jupiter Ascended lol!

The White Space technique is there simply because there is one absolute in this business - NOBODY READS. It’s a quality gate; a way of quickly scanning through a pile of scripts for the secretaries, the assistants, the interns, the proof readers, the copyrighters and the reviewers on this forum lol.  They are the undervalued, the underpaid, the pool souls who get dumped 100’s of scripts every week and assigned the task of picking ‘the good’ ones to show to a producer; and they get bored very easily.

But as no-one takes the time to properly read each script this means many great stories are lost to the trash can. Due to this lazy approach, we end up with the Hollywood and the movies we actually deserve. I understand it, reading through 36 scripts was a chore but it was worth sticking with it and giving each script a full read as I’ve come across some great stories. At least the TV industry seems to be doing better, there’s some top quality TV being produced at the moment!

I've taken up loads of white space with this reply so I'll leave it there ;-)

-Mark

Quoted from Dreamscale

There is screenplay grammar. It's not the same as proper grammar.

There is simply grammar. Grammar is a set of rules that govern a language. If the screenplay is written in English, then it uses English grammar. It doesn't use a special screenplay grammar.

Ridiculous.

In Stephen King's On Writing, King, himself a former High School English teacher, allows that even the rules of grammar can be broken, such as by using incomplete sentences, if the writer has a reason for doing so. There are times, for example, when incomplete sentences work better for the pacing and flow of the story.

But that's not really the "grammar" we were taking about. I'm pretty sure when Fenigus was referring to "grammatically right", he was talking about the "rules" of screenplay writing. What I wanted him to understand is that there really is no such thing.

There are forms and traditions. But what's happened is that starting in the 80s and 90s colleges started teaching screenwriting as a course. THAT is what created a need to boil this down to rules. But that process is still ongoing and is highly artificial.

For example, there is the "aside". It's common sense not to include things in a script that can't be filmed. So it's useful to teach it that way to beginners. However, it's not a rule, and there ARE reasons for using asides...if the writer knows what he's doing and has a purpose in using one.

It's the rules of effectiveness that matter most, not some bible of rules that doesn't exist. There's no such thing as "correct". There's only what works best. Asides are a thing to learn how to recognize because it's not effective to include things in a script that can't be filmed. But sometimes asides are the most efficient way of making sure something is understood.

Passive language is a weaker form of writing. But under certain circumstances it works best.

All kinds of rules are thrown around. I used to hear it said it's a rule that a character needs to be named if it has dialogue. Nonsense. There's no reason the bartender can't be called bartender.

There are all kinds of reasons to break rules in order to more effectively present your story. It's actually the mark of amateurism to not understand that.

Quoted from DustinBowcot

Ha! Well said.

I have a suggestion about parameters for a future OWC.

Whatever the subject, the following elements would be prohibited:
1. Anything supernatural.
2. Zombies, vampires, or any other kind of monster.
3. Murder.
4. Graphic horrible deaths.
4. Torture.
5. Graphic sex.
6. The Bunny Man.

Would be interesting to see the results. Fewer entries maybe?

Had those limitations been in play we would have had 36 stories of sentimental conversations on an elevator. Jeesh, no.

JSimon: Maybe so. Sentimentality isn't the only other option, though. And the subject would have to be right. An elevator wouldn't work, I agree.

Almost finished

I appreciate that I rushed a few. It's the nature of the OWC that we have to hurry and that's not always a good thing.

If anybody wants a second read, feel free to PM me, whether now or next week.

Once again, thanks Don. The OWC is a real special event...free of charge.

Best we not forget that. 8)

I think it's good to leave as much flexibility as possible just because there are usually more than 30 entered. While I'm not into vampires, torture porn or slash horror, I think as long as a story has some of the following it works for me:

1) a character or two we want to see what happens to
2) a mystery or resolution we want to see revealed
3) a surprise or two that turns the story in an unexpected direction

That can be done with zombies, robots, cartoons...and yes, slash em horror, graphic erotica, etc. As long as those narrative elements are there we got a story!

JSimon:

With this one, Don was hoping for fewer entries -- an intimate little challenge, he said. I bet he'd get it with my parameters because some people would be at a loss.
Talk about a challenge!

p.s. I don't expect anybody to say, "Hey, what a great idea."

No one seems to want to do this one, but to me, it was the most helpful challenge of all, the no dialogue one in Feb -06. It taught me a lot about thinking visually, which I think we could all learn from. :)

IMO, this OWC has been quite high in quality. At least the ones I've read. Some might not be my favorite type of script, but over all, the quality is much higher than it has been sometimes in the past.

This was the first OWC I entered, I been a lurker since 2009... which was when I created my account. Funnily enough, I never noticed the OWC before.

I was always in the action section, reading Phil Clarke Jr's "The Burnout" and that "Newton's Cradle" script, along with a few others.

Read George Wilson's scripts and stuff but I didn't really get involved much.

I'm glad I'm doing a lot more these days tho with my writing, if I ain't writing... I'm watching professional wrestling which is one of my other passions/hobbies.

I'm going to make it my mission to enter every OWC from here on out, it's a real blast IMO and it's exciting.

I'd like to thank all those who got involved, because y'all made it great and worth my time.

Three considers and three recommends. I wasn't expecting this much effort, some of the stories are exceptionally well crafted.

My favourite is "The Elevator Most Belonging to Alice" by a pretty big lead, despite that there was no reason established for everything to take place in an elevator. Out of those that seemed to meet the parameters, I'm not too sure which I would bring out as another favourite that held the candle over all the other ones.

I think I'm done reading. Read enough of them, commented on the ones that I managed to finish and where I felt like I had something different to add. If anyone, for some reason unbeknownst to me, is interested what I think or wants me to specify on something I commented on, feel free to leave me a PM.

I also find Henry's suggestion above for the next OWC interesting. If arranged around to some absolutes and cut out sex, any sort of violence, monsters and deaths completely, it could be a fascinating challenge without all of the most common tropes. Then again, based on previous years, I think the next OWC is supposed to be a feature and a 7 week one. I'd definitely like to take part and finish that one. I've been dancing around here with no entry for the past 2 OWCs. :-/

4 recommends and 3 considers out of 21 I read.

And for those who were in between I went a bit mean this time.

My absolute favorites are Feels Like Falling and Alice.
Rellevator was a great script but a bit unapreciated. I didn't find a religion in it - just a moral that bad deeds don't remain unnoticed. God here is the force that makes you care for me.

And I totally heart I Heart Zombies. It's a Monty Python sketch - I know how it can go over your head but I bow to the writer. It's a very light read. I think that Johny should read it if he's not the one responsible for it.

Quoted from khamanna

Rellevator was a great script but a bit unapreciated. I didn't find a religion in it - just a moral that bad deeds don't remain unnoticed.

I'm pretty sure the point of the relevator was religious. There was either a strong reference to or maybe even a retelling of a story from the bible with the needle. Based on the link below there's also a direct quote from the bible in the script:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_of_a_needle#Christianity

Quoted from khamanna

And I totally heart I Heart Zombies. It's a Monty Python sketch - I know how it can go over your head but I bow to the writer. It's a very light read.

Hmm, I didn't read that one because of the title. I'll trust your liking for it and check it out. :)

Quoted from DS

Alice was a top piece, I know people think the elevator was shoehorned into the story but it works and comes across very well.

A feature OWC? Wha? That would alienate a lot of people IMO, I couldn't do that in 7 weeks :o

Quoted from DS

I'm pretty sure the point of the relevator was religious.

I gave it another look - the writer does use "God" a lot and it reads dogmatic in places. But it could be that the writer was pressed for time or something and didn't see that at the time.
The needle quote is okay, even if it means something I wouldn't read too deep into it. Let's hear from the writer then - maybe he'll be upfront about it and let us know.

Quoted from khamanna

When do we get to "defend" our stories? I'm dying to say some stuff for mine, but, there is no way I can say it w/o everyone knowing I wrote it...

I think I've read 21 or so. I'll still read some more this weekend. Overall, I think the quality of the scripts have been quite good with some standouts on both ends of the spectrum. My favorites so far is Alice and Fabrini.

It's been a week now and in the old days we used to guess who wrote what by now. I can't really guess, there were too many. It also seems that people want to keep their scripts secret to avoid any biases when it comes time to vote. I'm going to out myself however. I know no one is going to vote for mine anyway, so it won't affect anything as far as the coveted mug goes! ;D

I haven't written any shorts in a long time. Been busy writing features. I was really stuck on a horror script titled SLEEP so this OWC seemed to be the perfect time to take a break and write a short. I had just watched Kill Bill I & II (for the 50th time) and Jackie Brown and with QT being one of my favorite directors and writer, I was really feeling inspired. So, I wanted to write something that I could film myself. Going for style over substance for sure. I also wanted something that could be expanded into something longer, so I wrote GREAT WHITE. Not the second script, however! That writer will have to out themselves. I also wrote it in the style I did to see how Jeff would react. He was consistent and bailed after the first page! ;D

Quoted from DanC

When do we get to "defend" our stories? I'm dying to say some stuff for mine, but, there is no way I can say it w/o everyone knowing I wrote it...

I just solved that for you. :)

Quoted from Grandma Bear

I wrote GREAT WHITE.

Liberating. Now I want to reveal myself, but maybe I'll stick to my faux review.

Do you plan for this to be a series, Pia?

Quoted from Grandma Bear

I also wrote it in the style I did to see how Jeff would react. He was consistent and bailed after the first page! ;D

It appears that Jeff, who says he entered, commented on every script. Perhaps he bailed on his own script just to throw people off.

Quoted from Stumpzian

It appears that Jeff, who says he entered, commented on every script. Perhaps he bailed on his own script just to throw people off.

If I have Jeff pinned correctly, he's making a move for the mug this time.

I didn't mind Great White at all.

I liked Great White.  I thought you did a good job Pia.  Very well done.  It was a fun story.

I will "out" myself too.  I wrote Tales of Horror Presents the Game Room.

It was supposed to be a tribute to the old crypt creeper days, but, sadly, I failed.

I don't know anyone well enough to guess anyone else's, so, sorry...

The story wasn't just torture porn.  She came here b/c she's pissed about the honor of the hunt being wrecked by us.  I got a great idea from Mark Renshaw, great person if you don't know him, and I am gonna adapt part of this into a longer short...  Or a series of shorts.

I look forward to doing a better job next time.  I wish we could do these monthly.

Dan, sorry, yours was one of about 10 I didn't read before I voted. I'll read it today and give some notes. If it warrants a recommend I will contact Don and see if I can amend my vote. Sorry I missed it.

Quoted from JSimon

Oh, that's okay Simon. thank you, that is very kind of you, but, I know it isn't very good. There are some issues with it. It was my first OWC and I learned a great deal.

I hope you do read it and you do enjoy it. I know I can make it better, and I plan to.

Thanks
Dan

Great attitude Dan, we can all improve on our scripts!

Mine was... nah I'll wait for now ;-)

Just reminding folk that the voting hasn't finished yet, if that bothers anybody. Just saying.

I'm a bit lost with choices this time.

Great white - I had Dena down for these, so I'll put Dena down for GW number 2,what're ever it's called.

Mo - is usually a bet for a sci fi script, and there was one, but I didn't feel his mark in it. Time will tell.

I try to spot steve miles script because he has a lovely turn of phrase. I started off one thinking it was his but then it went south so, out of respect, I didn't think it was his. Whoops, may be of course.

Jeff - usually kills lots of folk,so that narrows down the options. How about an off the wall options, I don't know perhaps the, Revelator or equitable life ( ps, I haven't gone back to check them out so don't take offence )

The deuce - wild wild guess - Dustin. Had that rough edge to it.

Stevie goes with comedy and has written a zombie comedy so - I heart zombies

Has Ryan entered? Could be Necro, if he has.

Fabrini - wild guess has a feminine touch. May be rendezvous - does that sound bad?

Ok, lots of bad guesses, but still if you don't play...err...you don't lose?

All the best folk, it was nice to write again.

Quoted from AnthonyCawood

Great attitude Dan, we can all improve on our scripts!

Mine was... nah I'll wait for now ;-)

I KNOW what yours was.  Will I tell?

Muhhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
(starts coughing)
Crap, can't stop
having asthma attack
passes out
Back now.

I guess I will keep it a secret

But, you are right, we can all make our scripts better.  It's taking the right information and being open to learning.  It amazes me how some peeps on here can get comments by pros that have 4 and 5 stars and not show them any respect at all.

Not talking about regulars, arguments happen.  Talking about noobs like me that need to learn.  I mean, why come here to a social site if you aren't willing to listen to advice.  Sure, not every advice is correct for your story, but, an open mind is critical.

And the way I look at it is, I'd rather get told here what a potential issue might be then have it tossed aside by a reader b/c of that problem.  Pay the piper now when you can make changes or pay it later if they were correct where you can't make changes.

Writing is hard.  Really hard.  And good writing is exponentially hard.  You only got 24 pages for a 30 min story.  48 for a 60 min story.  And between 75-120 for a movie.  And a 2 hr TV movie with commercials is no more or less then 90-110 pages.  Every word counts.

If that doesn't scare the crap out of you, you're in the wrong profession, IMO.

Dan

It's hard but there's nothing like creating your own world and characters, something which you can call your own.

I'm not a writer per se, I'm just a person who enjoys writing screenplays because I love the format.

Take what you can and have fun.

Quoted from Reef Dreamer

Just reminding folk that the voting hasn't finished yet, if that bothers anybody. Just saying.

I only outed myself because I knew mine was not in the running for the crappy mug. I was also dying to tell people that it wasn't one writer submitting two scripts! Some people thought so and seemed to be pissed off about it.

Johnny, the more I thought about the logistics of actually filming this, my enthusiasm started to wane. Where do I find an elevator big enough to fit four adults, camera guy, director and lights that is swanky too? If I found a hotel like that in my town, would they let me hog one of the elevators for a day? Four hours? When? 4am? Things like that.

What's this voting business? How do we vote?

Quoted from Grandma Bear

Johnny, the more I thought about the logistics of actually filming this, my enthusiasm started to wane. Where do I find an elevator big enough to fit four adults, camera guy, director and lights that is swanky too? If I found a hotel like that in my town, would they let me hog one of the elevators for a day? Four hours? When? 4am? Things like that.

Good point. My buddy just finished up a shoot on set in a fake jail cell. Im sure there's an elevator out there in the land of make believe, but I guess it also depends on where you're at too. I would just change the location, see if it works.

Quoted from Max

What's this voting business? How do we vote?

Didn't you get an email from Don about the voting process? I got mine. In it, you bring it up and it gives you 4 options:

Pass
Consider
Recommend
Did Not Read

And I assume that all of that is added up, given a final total and the best get revealed.

Quoted from Grandma Bear

Any movie is hard to shoot.  I shot something in the 90s at a nightclub and NEVER considered that the music in the background would be jumbled up.  I was not happy.

As for the elevator, hmmm, could you cut and paste the elevator and digitally install it?  I don't know how advanced your equipment is.  NO JOKES ON THAT sentence!!  You all know what I mean.

The better question is, if you do find an elevator, will they let you have fake blood and stuff in it?  That doesn't sound easy to clean up.

And I'd imagine you could use it from like 3-5 for a few nights.  It's slow during those hrs.

Dan

I have filmed things before. I've also learned the hard way that unless you pay people pretty good, it would be hard to get cast and crew to show up in the wee hours of the morning, several nights in a row to work on a short...

My town isn't that big either, so cast, crew and locations aren't that easy to come by. I'll get something filmed before the end of the year though. :)

Quoted from Grandma Bear

What city are you in? Perhaps I can recommend something. I'm in NYS.

Quoted from oJOHNNYoNUTSo

If I have Jeff pinned correctly, he's making a move for the mug this time.

I appreciate that Johnny, but no...there will be no crappy mug or panties for this kid, this go'round.  Peeps didn't like mine...I know...shocking...Ha!   ;D ;D ;D ;D

My votes are in, and in case anyone is wondering, although my good buddy, Stevie, promised me an all expense paid week in AussieLand, I still couldn't throw him and his Bunny Man a vote.  And, if I didn't read the entire script, you can bet it didn't get a vote, either.

If anyone would like another look at their script, just send me a bottle of Jagie and I'm all over it.

Great OWC!  Thanks to The Don!!  You ROCK!!!

Quoted from oJOHNNYoNUTSo

Yeah, as I've learned, all of the big sets are mostly filmed inside large warehouses. So everything is under control from lighting to sound.

An elevator would need to be built from MDF or similar and decorated/painted, maybe add some accessories... possible to do it in your living room, then remove the sides of the elevator not in shot so the film crew can get in.

Will the script submission be back open soon? It was supposed to be back open on May 25th but I assume it has been delayed because of the OWC and voting ect.?

Quoted from Reef

Fabrini - wild guess has a feminine touch. May be rendezvous - does that sound bad?

I've been called many things in my time. They usually start with a 'b', or a 'c'. Feminine isn't one I'm used to.

I didn't write Fabrini. I wouldn't comment on my own script. That's for people with a 'b' or 'c' at the start of the name.

Thanks for thinking that though, Reef. It was rather good.

R

I'm guessing Dustin for Elevated Blood Pressure.

I'm guessing Pia for Great White...oh wait...she already admitted to writing that one.

I'm guessing Dustin for Broken Restraining Order.

wonkavite for that Alice script.

I think a female wrote it, and Angry Bear is knocked out of the running for that one.

Quoted from Max

wonkavite for that Alice script.

:o :o :o

...I'll be right back.

I wanna know who wrote Placebo Button as well, pissed off that I never figured it out.

I think Mo wrote Lift to the Stars.

I also think Pia wrote Great White.

I also think Mr. Simon wrote Necrophelia, or else, it was his wife or "friend" cuz he sure jumped in to defend it.

Still haven't read a few entries, might be grasping straws here.

I thought Jeff wrote Saturn, but after reading the comments, that seems unlikely.

Pegged Dustin with Deuce as well, that is until he commented on it of course.

Thought Rick (Canis) wrote Alice, but that also seems unlikely currently. This one's hard to peg.

Quoted from Reef Dreamer

Mo - is usually a bet for a sci fi script, and there was one, but I didn't feel his mark in it. Time will tell.

Not sci-fi this time, brother. In fact, it's been years since I wrote a sci-fi script. The writing is pretty much the same as all my previous scripts for this entry, so I'm a little surprised nobody's outed me yet. I think I've sneaked by this time.

Quoted from Dreamscale

I think Mo wrote Lift to the Stars.

I can't even find that script ;D, but no, no lifts or stars. You did finish it though, Jeff.

Quoted from nawazm11

I think I've sneaked by this time.

No way dude, I know which one is yours.

Quoted from Max

wonkavite for that Alice script.

No chance. I think a man wrote it. The dialogue of Jerome just screams male and class. Reminded me actually a bit of that bartender Lloyd from The Shining.

Quoted from oJOHNNYoNUTSo

No way dude, I know which one is yours.

;D I guess I'm that transparent.

Quoted from Grandma Bear

No chance. I think a man wrote it. The dialogue of Jerome just screams male and class. Reminded me actually a bit of that bartender Lloyd from The Shining.

Actually... I think Bill might have been behind it. It also has some remnants of Coop's writing, but I don't think he entered this one. I'm grasping at nothing right now.

Quoted from nawazm11

Actually... I think Bill might have been behind it.

Ooh. That's a great guess, I'm in... Bill, time to start deflecting!

Although I'd own that one, there hasn't been one I've read yet that can pass it.

Grateful we've got until the 5th, a ton load I still need to read.

Aside from the script writing, I've found the review part the hardest. It's a challenge in itself.
I don't want to sound repetitive, I don't want to hurt feelings, and I wanted to write helpful comments.
I've failed on all counts so far.
I believe I can redeem myself with the next lot. Hopefully.

Brilliant ideas and many thanks to the guys who put this OWC together.

Digging through the threads, watching who is saying what, and I've got a prediction.

Dreamscale wrote "The Final Level".

Just wanted it in writing now in case I am right later.

I would guess at least two of the more formidable entries would be written by Ryan and Eric. They typically lurk in the background and don't say too much about proceedings too. :)

Quoted from LC

I would guess at least two of the more formidable entries would be written by Ryan and Eric. They typically lurk in the background and don't say too much about proceedings too. :)

For us newbies, who are they? What are their names on here?

Quoted from LC

I would guess at least two of the more formidable entries would be written by Ryan and Eric. They typically lurk in the background and don't say too much about proceedings too. :)

I haven't seen Ryan commenting. Eric is his usual self, very respectful of the writers and nicely detailed - probably he has an entry in. And if yes, yeah, one of the two that garnered best responses - either Alice or Feels Like Falling I'd guess.

Although I did pin Feels Like Falling to Bill at first. Now I'm thinking it could be Johnny's as well. What can I say - I'm confused.

I thought The Deuce was Pia's. Great White and Deuce are somewhat alike by the way.

The Deuce must be wonka's then. Aga, got you, Janet!

Quoted from bert

Digging through the threads, watching who is saying what, and I've got a prediction.

Dreamscale wrote "The Final Level".

Just wanted it in writing now in case I am right later.

I had that one down as Leegion, or Lee, whatever he calls himself these days. Either him or Naz. They've both written similar scripts in the past (containing fantasy elements mixed with sci fi).

I posted the Constructive Criticism thread a bit ago, but my comment is at the end of 18 pages so I thought I'd repost what I said here:

For writers new to SimplyScripts (or fairly new, like me), I recommend sampling the Constructive Criticism comments. The thread starts in 2005 and continues on for eight years or so. It's fascinating to read the various approaches to reviewing scripts, especially in light of comments (and arguments) in this OWC.

Henry

On the road for a day travelling, but when I check in not a huge amount has changed. That shows the tail end of the OWC is appearing. When I first entered I felt the comment sand reviews would go on and on, but they don't.

It was a good OWC but quite similar to others since;

# there was a decent variety, :D

# a couple of newbies working out what the hell they got themselves into only to emerge out on to the other side ??)

# usual disputes over the criteria.  :-/ They are always pushed and I will have a few comments after this, but not for now.

# The usual bickering and finger pointing... :'(

But...

+ slightly less offensive remarks (that may surprise some but I feel this set was on average slightly more constructive). ;D

+ No Ray - an OWC institution in his own right.  :o Not quite sure how, or why, but he is.

Now, I've got to unpack. It was good to be able to review these whilst on holiday. Good fun.

Thanks Don, the OWC's are truly unique.  ;D ;D ;D

Quoted from DanC

For us newbies, who are they? What are their names on here?

Hey Dan, Eric here. Libby’s right. I tend to be more of a lurker, but I always come around for the challenge.

It’s been a busy couple of weeks for me. Even this message… I fell asleep in the middle of writing it the first time. I’m getting to the part of the challenge where I still to read, but only comment if I feel I have something different to add (which gets harder when there’s already 20-30 reviews). I do read everything before voting though; gives everyone a fair shake. If anyone wants me to take a closer look at their’s feel free to shoot me a PM.

And thanks for the kind word Khamanna, though I can’t comment on your guessing abilities :)

I have no idea who wrote anything, though I agree that Final Level seems like a Leegion piece. But he hasn’t been around so...

Tough challenge. I believe a lift is one of the places to avoid in a movie, so props to all who took this challenge. I guess a lot of writers had to leave their home territory of stories to accomplish something.

I'm fallen behind, and try to read as many scripts as I can till Saturday. Feedback will be a bit shorter this time, so don't take it personal if it comes across superficial.

I think that's all I can read. :-/ I'm gonna be busy. If I do manage to read any more, I'll amend my votes.

Pretty good stuff all around. Good luck to everybody. :)

feels like a long time to wait after the scripts were posted, but thats what happens. lots of activity followed by the calm.

perhaps we should have a group 'expose yourself' on Friday night...well it is the weekend :o :o :o'

Your weekends sound rather exciting, Reef. But keep your pants on for a mo.

I remember Don saying something about the 6th. I think he wanted those votes in by then. He went on to say he'd do the thingy the week after. The Choice thing, I think he called it. I would check the email, but I binned it. If I'm off on the details I'm sure someone will correct me.

R

:( Schucks

Pants off another day

Quoted from Reef Dreamer

:( Schucks

Pants off another day

I hate to say it Reef, but it's probably best for everyone.

R

I think every day should be pants off day but the judge declared otherwise.

:-(

Can you send the vote email again Don? Accidentally deleted it.

Not that my vote counts for anything anyway.

Thanks to Don and the moderation at this place.

Good entries so far.

I expected some other kind of lifts though. Perhaps a ski lift, which is also a moving platform I think.

There's something to learn here for me: Anybody else experienced that the small "room" brought in much more clarity to concept, story, tone, character, and much more?
I mean, we had some challanges where things really run wild before. Here one can define every script clearly.

"Elevator Most Belonging to Alice" should be taking this one home, no doubt in my mind.

I didn't try with my script. Which I am sorry about, particularly after seeing some of the great entries. My only excuse is that I'm writing quite a lot at the moment. I have four separate features on the go as well as, at the time of the contest, writing down 4 TV ideas and synopses.

I'd probably have been better off not entering anything as this story will quickly be consigned to the bin as soon as the contest is over.

I'm quite surprised to have seen any positivity at all for my entry, I was expecting far worse from the reviews.

I had two nights free to write mine so gave it my best shot, I'm pleased with what I've come up with but it needs work and is something I think I'll re-visit after the challenge.

The reaction has been mixed. Some understand it and like it, some don't and despise it; plus every other reaction in-between....which is normal for my entries on these OWC's lol.

I've really enjoyed reading and reviewing all the entries, some great imagination and talent on display here and quite a few I'm sure will be optioned afterwards.

I really like the Alice in Wonderland one a lot but only gave it a consider as the Elevator aspect seemed bolted-on to tenously help the story fit the paramteres of the challenge. I gave recommends to stories that I liked (of course) where the story did revolve in/around an elevator; such as Feels Like Falling and The Deuce.

Wrote mine Tuesday morning submitted it Tues night. Been a while since I did an OWC, so wanted to do one for fun. I always like to use the OWC to experiment with something and test the reaction.

I thought the writing quality was up considerably in this OWC, and the quality of the reviews. With my piece I received fair and interesting criticisms and suggestions.

I gave Feels Like Falling Down my recommend because it felt like a complete story with set up, turning points, and a satisfying conclusion.

Alice was also a great little story, but the first 5 or 6 pages did not really grip my attention. That's more than half the story.

There were plenty of other good stories too.

I'll come clean, I wrote "Deep Dish"...

I did request for it to be removed after the OWC was finished because it was absolutely horrible, I wrote it in a day and just quickly posted it in.

I kind of underestimated the OWC, thinking this sort of poor quality would fly.

I was so embarrassed with that shit, I just couldn't have it up here... it got mixed responses and it was supposed to be a bit of comedy.

Final Draft stuck my transitions over on the right, OVER BLACK: ect... which is kind of shitty if it's not supposed to be on that side.

I'm going to prepare next time, no bullshit writing with stupid phrases and all the rest of it. Honestly, it's the worst shit I ever wrote, I can't believe it.

Some people found it funny, some people liked it... why I have no idea.

People seemed to really like it, Fen.

Quoted from Max

I'll come clean, I wrote "Deep Dish"...

I liked it! I thought you did a great Saw interpretation.

As far as transitions go, they are supposed to be on the right. If you put them on the left though, no one would really care. :)

Quoted from Max

it was absolutely horrible...poor quality...embarrassed with that shit...bullshit writing with stupid phrases...the worst shit I ever wrote

Some people found it funny, some people liked it... why I have no idea.

Friendly advice: Stop knocking yourself. It's not good for you. Plus, you're inadvertently knocking the people who DID like it.

Henry

You may have got some bad comments, but some of what I got was plain abuse, lol. (I wrote Lift in a 1 Star Hotel).

Quoted from Stumpzian

Friendly advice: Stop knocking yourself. It's not good for you. Plus, you're inadvertently knocking the people who DID like it.

Henry

I guess.

I started off with "Okay, dude in and elevator... a phone... a box"

I did put a Se7en reference in there but only one person caught it I think, lol.

Quoted from Max

I did request for it to be removed...

It's gone.

Seems a bit disingenuous to be discussing it now.

Quoted from bert

It's gone.

Seems a bit disingenuous to be discussing it now.

What do you mean? Either way, the thread will probably stay up which I don't mind because it's feedback which I can get back to.

It's not a big deal, really, I didn't realize it was gone... as I thought it would be removed after the OWC had been completed but still, doesn't really matter now.

Don't know what you mean by "disingenuous", I'm done talking about it as of this minute, it's really not worth discussing further.

Quoted from Max

Oh right, I thought somebody got named as the best entry or something.

Wish I could've voted for my favorite :(

Hey Fen -

There IS a popular vote that'll be unveiled, when it's ready. (All hail Don who coordinates everything behind the scenes!) Which is not to say that the scripts that don't get picked aren't worthy - just that there will be a writer's choice "winner."

Quoted from wonkavite

[quote=Fenigus_Max]

Hey Fen -

There IS a popular vote that'll be unveiled, when it's ready. (All hail Don who coordinates all this stuff behind the scenes!) Which is not to say that the scripts that don't get picked aren't worthy - just that there will be a writer's choice "winner."

I deleted the email by accident at this point, lol.

BTW - I *enjoyed* Deep Dish. As someone else mentioned, it's a pretty solid satire of Saw... :P

Max,
     You gotta stop that bro.  There is no reason to doubt yourself.  I liked Deep Dish a lot.  It was funny as hell.

You wrote another post where you seemed quite vulnerable too.   Bro, you gotta believe in yourself.  Even if no one else does.

Deep Dish was better then my entry, and I had a whole week to try to get it good.

Let me say this one more time, and I doubt anyone will say differently.

MAX, YOU ARE A GOOD WRITER.

Yes, you need to get better to become a great writer.  We all do.  That is why we are here.  Some of us will make it, others won't.  But, man, don't throw in the towel so easily.

I'll quote you one of my fav poems:

"Do not go gentle into that good night.  Rage, rage against the dying of the light."

Follow that my friend.  You know, it doesn't matter what your family thinks.  It doesn't matter what your friends think.

Some people on here are writers and have IMBD credits, like Pia, and she liked it.  Let that count for more and carry more weight.

Dan

Quoted from Max

I deleted the email by accident at this point, lol.

Damn! I could've used your vote...

...not that my entry's tippin the scales lol

To me, the OWC has a usual pattern;

1) we all panic about the challenge, perhaps a little less so this time

2) we knock our scripts in advance, which may be right as last minute changes can have a material affect. I know this as my wife probably saved the day for me this time and it changed from a WTF script to a WTF lite script.

3) we all accept in advance we should be mindful of the time limitation we all have faced. As I have repeated, most don't get seven days, and even then it's only short periods of time in which to do anything

But then...

4) we review like these are meant to be polished masterpieces , even though we often say well done for a week. In short we review as normal

So...

5) scripts get beaten up too much, with some repetition of previous comments, although there is a positive outcome in that as you get gritty feedback

But then it all changes...

6) as the writers are revealed we all become human and understanding again, as it should be.

If you can write a script that you think can be worked on to be something better, that is a decent outcome for one week, IMO.

In the meantime, you would have had an intense episode of reading, reviewing, considering other feedback etc. all good stuff.

OWC - a wonderful event, you just got take a few on the chin.

Quoted from MarkRenshaw

The reaction has been mixed. Some understand it and like it, some don't and despise it; plus every other reaction in-between....which is normal for my entries on these OWC's lol.

That's really the best feedback one can get. That's how it usually works for me.

Great post Reef

In the last OWC on Urban Legends, mine got a bit of a pasting, but I read, digested and used the feedback to improve the script... it's now optioned ;-)

This time round my script has had more favourable comments, hoping i get that one optioned too!

Hey Don,

You gonna say which one is...

5. There is one script that did and didn't meet the requirements, but it was a so out of the box interpretation of the theme that I had to include it.

...in due course.

Would be interesting to see which one you considered this for.

Quoted from Reef Dreamer

Has to be Spickoli's Locker or w/e

Quoted from oJOHNNYoNUTSo

Damn! I could've used your vote...

...not that my entry's tippin the scales lol

Is there a running total with votes already in somewhere I'm not aware of?

Quoted from Dreamscale

Is there a running total with votes already in somewhere I'm not aware of?

I know I own your vote, since mine was one of your bravest favorites. Pretty sure I blew your skis off Jeff. It ain't easy, but I finally got you to read one of my scripts to Fade Out. ;D

Quoted from oJOHNNYoNUTSo

I know I own your vote, since mine was one of your bravest favorites. Pretty sure I blew your skis off Jeff. It ain't easy, but I finally got you to read one of my scripts to Fade Out. ;D

Sweet!!!

Quoted from Reef Dreamer

I wonder what that could be...
;D

Quoted from Dreamscale

Sweet!!!

Sike!!!

Quoted from oJOHNNYoNUTSo

Sike!!!

ARGH!! Uhhh...run to the hills...help me...I can't get up...

Quoted from Reef Dreamer

Wise words there from the Reef man.

I’ve been involved in about 4 of these now and the lessons learned are invaluable every time.

I, and I suspect others, just completely forget these are vomit drafts. We have a week but most don’t get to spend the full week working on it, due to that annoying interfering scallywag called life.

But an idea is spawned that I like, the words go on the page. I get it in a state I think A – Gets the story across clearly and B – Kinda looks OK. So I enter the challenge, eagerly await the unanimous praise from my peers as well as demands from the elite of Hollywood to turn it into a multi-million dollar franchise. I’m joking but also not joking. My ego is colossal but my self-esteem is bedfellows with the titanic; that paradox sometimes cripples me.

Then the first few reviews come in…’terrible, badly written, nonsense, boring, I don’t get it’ etc. etc. and my heart sinks. The ego is deflated and I start questioning everything, why am I bothering? Am I deluding myself? But then some more come in, then some more. Some get it, some really get it just as I imagined, others like it but have some reservations; most have useful suggestions. At the end once the storm has subsided I am left with a much clearer idea of what works, what doesn’t and many ideas for the next draft.

That stuff is priceless.

Also bear in mind everyone reviewing doesn’t want to like your work, it’s a competition and everyone wants their script to shine brighter than others. So people may be especially harsh and especially if they’ve had some harsh comments themselves. But this in itself is also brilliant because you’ll face just such intense scrutiny if you submit your scripts to studios and festivals.

It’s all good, it’s is just quite intense.

Quoted from MarkRenshaw

Wise words there from the Reef man.

I’ve been involved in about 4 of these now and the lessons learned are invaluable every time.

I, and I suspect others, just completely forget these are vomit drafts. We have a week but most don’t get to spend the full week working on it, due to that annoying interfering scallywag called life.

But an idea is spawned that I like, the words go on the page. I get it in a state I think A – Gets the story across clearly and B – Kinda looks OK. So I enter the challenge, eagerly await the unanimous praise from my peers as well as demands from the elite of Hollywood to turn it into a multi-million dollar franchise. I’m joking but also not joking. My ego is colossal but my self-esteem is bedfellows with the titanic; that paradox sometimes cripples me.

Then the first few reviews come in…’terrible, badly written, nonsense, boring, I don’t get it’ etc. etc. and my heart sinks. The ego is deflated and I start questioning everything, why am I bothering? Am I deluding myself? But then some more come in, then some more. Some get it, some really get it just as I imagined, others like it but have some reservations; most have useful suggestions. At the end once the storm has subsided I am left with a much clearer idea of what works, what doesn’t and many ideas for the next draft.

That stuff is priceless.

Also bear in mind everyone reviewing doesn’t want to like you work, it’s a competition and everyone wants their script to shine brighter than others. So people may be especially harsh and especially if they’ve had some harsh comments themselves. But this in itself is also brilliant because you’ll face just such intense scrutiny if you submit your scripts to studios and festivals.

It’s all good, it’s is just quite intense.

Wow Mark,
    that is exactly how I felt and feel.  Except my ego and super ego and id and self-esteem are all near titanic levels and then I do this and bam, sink below the bottom.  I know Max has those sorts of issues.

And it's funny b/c Mark, Max and others, I think you are all good writers.  Sure, you have work to do to get better, but, some of the stuff that I read is actually pretty good, better then some of that schlock out today in movies and TV.

And here we are, on the outside with the odds stacked against us.

I know I am not doing it for money.  I want to touch people with my ideas.  I had that happen once and it's beyond awesome.  Almost better then sex.  Almost.  And I can say it's better then winning a big tournament or poker game (having done both).  To touch a person's life is priceless.

And I have a feeling that if each of us does that, the cash will come.

I've said a zillion times, I'd rather get a harsh review on here where I can fix it, then get a bunch of nice comments from people who don't know jack or Jill, or bob etc and then have the script tossed for the exact reasons stated here by a reviewer.  It hurts.

A lot sometimes.  I actually thought my story was good and front page worthy when I entered it.  Then reality set in.  And I can see why it failed.

And that lesson, not in humility, but, in spotting why, is priceless.

I think anything each of us writes, no matter how bad, we each will lose our humility for a second and think it front page worthy.

Then a story like the Elevator Most Belonging to Alice comes along and ruins our grade on a curve (damn that A student always blowing the curve).  And then people point out how bad we did this, that, and the other thing, and BAM! humility is back.

And anger for that damn amazing Alice story.  Damn the A student!!  ;D

Then admiration sets in for those amazing stories.   ::)  :o

And then we want to get better to match that story.

And the cycle starts anew.  But, with (hopefully) more polished writers.

But, Mark, what is this thing, I have not heard of it, called a lafe?  No, Laffe?  No, oh, that was it, what is this LIFE thing u speak of?  :'(

Dan

I won't have time to read anymore today so I voted this morning.

Overall, I can say with certainty that the quality of the OWC scripts have gone up over the years. I'm also amazed there were so many entries when this was supposed to be a smaller more intimate OWC.

As mentioned before, I wrote mine with the idea of maybe filming it myself. Style over substance. A fun thing to do. Not festival material. Then when I started thinking about the logistics, I came to realize that filming in an elevator might not be as easy as first thought.

Anyway, when writers are revealed, I will read the remaining scripts if I missed someone's who commented on mine or is an active board member who read his or her fair share of the OWC scripts. Pm me if you want a read.

Great job everyone! 8)

Quoted from Grandma Bear

Pm me if you want a read.

What she said. I did not have time to read and feel bad about it.

Not really bad. I didn't play. But a little bad, just the same.

I will probably go back and read some of these over again, just to see if I missed something in my short reviews. I usually like to give detailed feedback, but I also felt a little overwhelmed by all the entries and wanted to comment on as many as I could. Between working a lot and traveling, I wanted to give the best I could but think I should give a little more to some of these.

I can't wait for the reveal because I do want to explain some things in my entry as well. I had a great time with my first entry in an OWC! Won't get the mug, but had some good feedback.

Thanks Don, this was fun!

If Bill earns the triple crown, I wanna see photo complete with SS mug, thong, and hopefully some other fantastic accessory Don sends his way. Don't wuss out, it's your duty.

It's your destiny.

I'd much rather see Pia wearing that thong or any thong... ;D ;D ;D

Luckily for me, Jeff, I won't win anything this time. ;D

Quoted from Dreamscale

I'd much rather see Pia wearing that thong or any thong... ;D ;D ;D

Come on Jeff, they're just buttcheeks!

Quoted from bert

What she said. I did not have time to read and feel bad about it.

Not really bad. I didn't play. But a little bad, just the same.

No need to feel bad, Bert. I have a vow that if an OWC doesn't inspire me because of the theme and I don't enter that particular one, then I don't read any or discuss at all.

I'm still saying "The Elevator Most Belonging to Alice" for OWC.

Some creative shit right there.

The one which caught me the most tho was that Placebo Elevator business, that just stuck with me for some reason.

Quoted from Grandma Bear

Luckily for me, Jeff, I won't win anything this time. ;D

You're a winer in my book! ;)

Quoted from Dreamscale

You're a winer in my book! ;)

Hah! I just caught the "accidentally on purpose" typo.

:)

Too close to "whiner", :O

Quoted from Dreamscale

I'm a wiener in anyone's book! ;)

Why do I get PMs in regard to me and Jeff fighting? We're not fighting. I know Jeff very well. He knows me very well. There was also no accidentally on purpose typo. Jeff knows I hate wine and I'm not known to be a whiner. You people are trying to read between the lines. ;D

Besides, if Jeff was trying to be rude to me, he knows I would kick his ass! ;)

LOOOOL

I didn't go so far as to PM you but still, it's a bit of banter.

Us lads over here in the UK do that "jack the lad" banter all the time, just par for the course.

Ask Dustin.

You need to tell me tho Pia, how the hell did you get Rishi from Emmerdale to star in one of your scripts?

Emmerdale is a big deal over here, and Rishi is a pretty swell guy on Emmerdale.

Quoted from Max

LOOOOL
You need to tell me tho Pia, how the hell did you get Rishi from Emmerdale to star in one of your scripts?

Emmerdale is a big deal over here, and Rishi is a pretty swell guy on Emmerdale.

I had nothing to do with it. I just wrote the script. You would have to ask the filmmakers. :)

Quoted from Grandma Bear

I had nothing to do with it. I just wrote the script. You would have to ask the filmmakers. :)

Either way, you should feel proud that a well known actor, who stars in one of the more popular British soaps, acted what you wrote.

That blows my mind.

LOL...that was actually a typo.

Pia is a winner in my book, and I'm a wiener in hers. LOL!!! Now that could be miscontrued...

8) 8) 8) 8) 8)

She's also had Danny Glover, Eric Roberts, and Michael Pare.

Uh oh...that comment could also be miscontrued!

Quoted from Max

Either way, you should feel proud that a well known actor, who stars in one of the more popular British soaps, acted what you wrote.

That blows my mind.

To be honest with you, I had no idea who he was, but I could tell from his acting that he brought quality to the film. IMHO, he made it the quality film it turned out to be. It's currently doing festivals. :)

Jeff, I'll deal with you later!

Quoted from Grandma Bear

If you're Swedish you won't know, unless you live here.

Emmerdale is big time over here, on ITV. I rate Rishi as a character on Emmerdale, I think he's a sincere actor as well.

What a great challenge.

I voted 2 recommends and 1 consider. Still the quality was great. So, for the fun, I create a small list. I already wanted to do something like that in past challenges. So maybe it gets a tradition of me.

Join in if you like to add other categories or insert your own favorites.

Top 5 main characters:

Alice (The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice)
The Great White (Case Of Death, Great White)
Marcus Kirby (Feels Like Falling)
Shadwell (Just The Tip)
Jerome aka Alice's friend (The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice)

Best villains:

The Oolongs aka boss-monsters (The Final Level)
Suspicious Stranger and redhead Louisa (Placebo Button)

Best setting:

The Necro File

Best story:

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice
Iron Garbage

Best concept:

Sorry, no awards here

Best "potential" feature concept:

The Final Level

Best Comedy:

Just The Tip, I heart Zombies

Best Horror:

Sorry, no awards here

Best Drama:

Feels Like Falling, Broken Restraining Order

Best Action:

The Final Level

Most marketable title streaming platforms:

Mine ;-)

Most marketable title festivals:

Iron garbage, Placebo Button

Great challenge and lots of fun ;-)

Placebo Button was my favorite, but I still gotta give it to Alice... it stood out the most.

Whoever wrote Placebo Button, holla back, voting is over now and I want some answers.

Quoted from Max

Placebo Button was my favorite, but I still gotta give it to Alice... it stood out the most..

Yeah, you already said that. The list doesn't have anything to do with my votes. It's just for fun.

Quoted from Max

...voting is over now and I want some answers
...

There are real people fulfilling your wishes. Maybe you should read the rules one time.

http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-0515OWC/m-1431824014/s-0/

There's everything you need to know, Fen.

Quoted from PrussianMosby

Yeah, you already said that. The list doesn't have anything to do with my votes. It's just for fun.

There are real people fulfilling your wishes. Maybe you should read the rules one time.

http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-0515OWC/m-1431824014/s-0/

There's everything you need to know, Fen.

I read that already.

I'm in the UK, it's June 6th already... not the exact time but still.

It wasn't a reply to your post, just a stand alone thing.

Quoted from Max

I'm in the UK, it's June 6th already... not the exact time but still.

Patience, Grasshopper. We, who are from the future, have already had twelve hours of 6 June. All will be revealed in good time. ;D

It might not even happen today. It could be Monday or something. I used to be the same, until I realised Don is a human being who has shit to do just like we all do. This site is more of a hobby.

I wrote Elevated Blood Pressure... and please, for anyone that hasn't read it yet, don't feel that you owe me a favour and read it. I didn't write it with any seriousness at all. I wish I did. I actually feel bad that some tried really hard, but eff it, they've got a good story now that should be produced. Mine will be consigned to the bin where it belongs. I have far, far better ideas I am working on.

Unless you wish to destroy it of course, particularly if I gave yours a bad review. If so, have at it.

Think the reveal is soon so I'll throw in a few guesses, that will probably not be right, before it:

Fairytale - LC (Commented on it, but maybe a diversion? ;) )
The Relevator - eldave1
The Necro File - DarrenJamesSeeley

Quoted from DS

Think the reveal is soon so I'll throw in a few guesses...

I

There used to be a time when I'd comment on my own, only to have it backfire when I critique myself. Not that anyone guesses it was me who wrote the script, but rather if I had any second thoughts/retrospective criticisms, folks sometimes would echo those comments. I decided to hold off on that for now and only comment on the reveal.

By the way, you have at least one wrong ;D

Quoted from DS

Think the reveal is soon so I'll throw in a few guesses, that will probably not be right, before it:

Fairytale - LC (Commented on it, but maybe a diversion? ;) )

I'll take that as a compliment, DS, that was a nice script. No entry from me in this OWC. I wrote one but it didn't cut the mustard so I didn't submit it.

Quoted from LC

I'll take that as a compliment, DS, that was a nice script. No entry from me in this OWC. I wrote one but it didn't cut the mustard so I didn't submit it.

That didn't stop quite a few other people.

R

Quoted from LC

I'll take that as a compliment, DS, that was a nice script. No entry from me in this OWC. I wrote one but it didn't cut the mustard so I didn't submit it.

Ah. Yeah, I liked that one as well. The writing style and banter (e.g the dialogue from Simpatico) reminded me of yours.

Quoted from DarrenJamesSeeley

By the way, you have at least one wrong ;D

Blimey.

I guess that leaves the relevator. Don't fail me now, eldave, otherwise I'll be 0/3. :'(

Quoted from rendevous

That didn't stop quite a few other people.

R

Cheeky.

I know who five of the writers to the scripts are, but I won't mention them, because that would be outing them. All I'm going to say is that I think an older man wrote the Alice script. My favorite this OWC.

Just for the record, I posted this on May 30:

Quoted from Stumpzian

I'm guessing Dustin for Elevated Blood Pressure.

I think Steve wrote the Alice script. Seems up his street. It was one of my 3 recommends. I can't remember the other two as everyone talks about this one.

Amazing what can be done with an elevator. The only problem of course is finding one large enough to film in, or building one yourself. I think with some clever filming it could be done cheap. Maybe even green screen walls.

Quoted from Stumpzian

Just for the record, I posted this on May 30:

I thought that you might have guessed it was mine from your comment. It was similar to the comment I made prior to entering. Something about throwing one off. You were and are precisely correct.

Quoted from DustinBowcot

I thought that you might have guessed it was mine from your comment. It was similar to the comment I made prior to entering. Something about throwing one off. You were and are precisely correct.

Here's what tipped me off: Seamus, a name also used in your script FTP.

Hmm, I kinda had Dave pegged for the Fairy one - sort of reminded me of The Beginning Of The End Of The End banter.

Quoted from LC

Hmm, I kinda had Dave pegged for the Fairy one - sort of reminded me of The Beginning Of The End Of The End banter.

I think that's a good guess. Reminded me of "Beginning," too.

http://www.cabsandsurfaces.com/elevator-wall-panels.html

Might be able to find enough stuff online to make a fake elevator.

Quoted from Max

If you're Swedish you won't know, unless you live here.

Emmerdale is big time over here, on ITV. I rate Rishi as a character on Emmerdale, I think he's a sincere actor as well.

He's on casting call pro.

http://www.castingcallpro.com/

He applied for a role in one of my films. I've auditioned several soap stars for roles. They want work, they want stuff to show they can act and aren't just their typecast role.

Marc Baylis who played Rob in Coronation Street was in a short based on one of Pia's scripts as well. Though it was made before he was famous.

It was called End of the Tour.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=py91rVLkRus

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films

Rick, that was a great script, from memory, and a terrific short film. Pity you can't remove the current dh's post on youtube.

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films

Marc Baylis who played Rob in Coronation Street was in a short based on one of Pia's scripts as well. Though it was made before he was famous.

It was called End of the Tour.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=py91rVLkRus

Just watched. Riveting. Impressive.

I remember that one. Impressive indeed. I seem to recall it was from a script by Pia too.

R

No offense to anyone, but, these comments on the last 2 pages are what I wish all the boards were like.  Good fun conversation.  Good guesses.  I know who wrote a few scripts, but, I can't say.    Okay, I could say, but, I won't say.

I don't know anyone well enough to figure out who wrote what.  I have a few ideas, but, won't say.

Remember one thing guys, if you are upset about something, it takes 2 to keep it going.  I enjoy reading about cool stuff like the last 2 pages.  Lets keep it going on a PG-13 rating!! :)

I guess I'll be in the minority to say that I didn't think the Alice script was great. Thought provoking, yes. Great writing, not really. Good writing, yes. For the challenge, definitely not your average fare. It's got us all talking about it, but that doesn't mean that it's the best IMO. Budget and content would make this hard to get done, but then again, the controversial nature of it sometimes attracts an audience. I'm just not one of them.

Quoted from LC

Pity you can't remove the current dh's post on youtube.

Not sure what dh means. If you mean the sole comment, he can remove it. I've done it occasionally on mine when a comment is inappropriate or meant knock something in a trollish manner.

Personally I avoid youtube comments. Bilious bile from talentless people, on the whole.

R

Quoted from Stumpzian

Not sure what dh means. If you mean the sole comment, he can remove it. I've done it occasionally on mine when a comment is inappropriate or meant knock something in a trollish manner.

I was trying to be subtle and genteel. Richard Cranium in other words. ;)

Quoted from LC

I was trying to be subtle and genteel. Richard Cranium in other words. ;)

Seems obvious now that you tell me. Yes, it was a dh comment.

Quoted from DanC

Lets keep it going on a PG-13 rating!! :)

Says the writer of torture porn.

Quoted from DustinBowcot

Says the writer of torture porn.

I gotta admit, this tickled me.

Quoted from DS

You have at least one right

At least one of the DS guesses is wrong.

Quoted from DustinBowcot

Says the writer of torture porn.

Fair enough,

The difference is that you have to open mine up to read it. Any child can scan these boards. People read stories for conflicts.

I'm not sure people read the boards for conflicts, although, some might...

That was pretty funny.

Dan

Any child can open up your script.

Just kidding though man, no need to defend yourself. I write crazy shit too.

Quoted from eldave1

You have at least one right

Quoted from Stumpzian

At least one of the DS guesses is wrong.

Hmmmm.

I'm pleased to say I wrote the one that no-one is talking about!

:-(

When I take over the world, your deaths will be slow and involve sprouts.

Can our deaths involve stouts? As in Guinness?

I'm happy with sprouts, love em... can we make it mid-year though when they're harder to get?

I'm just glad he doesnt intend to use marrows ::)

Quoted from DS

Hmmmm.

Doesn't necessarily mean I wrote it.

Quoted from Stumpzian

Doesn't necessarily mean I wrote it.

The plot thickens.

I recon I wrote a script...

And it was reviewed...

And it needs revising...

And that's normal. 8)

And I haven't a clue what others have written except, Kevin's, Dustin, pia, Dan"s and anybody else who have revealed themselves...

But I look forward to seeing who wrote what.

When I considered my voting I realised...

HOW MANY GOOD SCRIPTS

...were written this time. Seriously good. For one week, or less.

On balance, and we don't alway remember the past too well, but I think this is the highest standard OWC I have been involved with.

No doubt I'll say the same next time, but that's then!!

I think I wrote one as well, and it was also reviewed...a few times.  LOL...

Several well written scripts this time around.  I think I made it pretty clear which ones I thought those were, and my bet is that each of them will place in the top 5 overall.

Mine will not, however, but that's totally cool.

I look forward to the reveal.  Good job, everyone!

Just The Tip is Dreamscale, no doubt.

I liked Just the Tip, whoever wrote it.

Quoted from Reef Dreamer

I'm just glad he doesnt intend to use marrows ::)

I like this idea!

"Egor, fire up the genetic splicers, we've marrow sized sprouts to invent!"

....

"Yesh..mashter."

"Just the Tip" is definitely not Dreamscale's, although it's true that many times, that's all I can give the girl.

LOL... Sorry...couldnd't resist. ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

Jeff - is that what she thinks has briefly just happened?

;-)

Feels Like Falling - Jeff

Quoted from Dreamscale

"Just the Tip" is definitely not Dreamscale's, although it's true that many times, that's all I can give the girl.

LOL... Sorry...couldnd't resist. ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

At least you made it through the rain...

It is a Barry Manilow song pervs . Scary thing is, I have Barry and Slayer on the same CD...

Did anyone notice author's names were posted?! Well I certainly did.

Now, I didn't read them all, but my personal congrats to this lot for some terrific creative choices - in no particular order:

Fabrini - Henry
The Deuce - Ren
Fairytale - Anthony
Feels Like Falling - Eric

Not bad either:

Alice (with a bit of tweaking could be great)
Necro (daring, as writers should, to write something out of the box, so to speak)

Well done guys, thoroughly enjoyed these ones that I did read. :)

Quoted from LC

Did anyone notice author's names were posted?! Well I certainly did.

Cheers! I wouldn't have noticed this until a new post or thread was made about it. :P

The Relevator was eldave1 after all. Good. Good.

Hm, Fairytale was Anthony. That didn't cross my mind, well played.

And... Alice was Reef, mystery solved. ;)

Quoted from LC

Good spot.

Just the tip - I should have guessed steve miles. Liked it.

The deuce - knew it was a Brit, just got the wrong one

Good effort folks

Thought there was some real quality in the entries in this OWC, congrats to all who entered.

See Janet has two entries, didn't spot that!

Anthony

Just spent 10 minutes trying to find where the names were posted. I'm lost.

http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-0515OWC/m-1432481512/

R

Ah thanks! I was looking for a new post or thread.

Oh man - didn't know the names were revealed already... lemme go check out that list.  BRB!  :)

** Returned.  When is the voting going to be unveiled?

My congrats to all who entered.  And a special kudos to a few of my personal favs...

Alice
Iron Garbage
Fabrini
Final Level
Feels Like Falling

(not in any particular order)

Well done on Alice Reef Dreamer, some cool ass stuff.

Quoted from wonkavite

You missed mine out. Frankly typical. Thankfully I sing my own praises. Eventually others will join in.

I heard the voting was going to be revealed next week, in that email I sillily dumped. Did I just make up a word?

You never know these days. If it wasn't for LC, I'd never have spotted the name reveal. Don is getting mysterious these days,

R

I wrote I Got The Shaft, but Don didn't put my SS name. I will try to address some of the issues with my script today. Not sure if it's good enough to polish and promote, but had a good time in my first OWC. Some good entries for sure. Some surprises with the names now revealed. Good job to all that entered.

Quoted from rendevous

You missed mine out. Frankly typical. Thankfully I sing my own praises. Eventually others will join in.

R

Actually - my bad. I rather liked The Deuce as well! Add that one in. And Fairytale has charm, also... :))

From "Fabrini": Ida Lupino in "They Drive By Night" (1940)...

Quoted from Jeremiah Johnson

Apologies, I've updated the listing

Quoted from wonkavite

When is the voting going to be unveiled?

Probably tomorrow. Many folks didn't submit votes with names, so it is taking me a while to match IP addresses to names.

Quoted from Don

Apologies, I've updated the listing

Probably tomorrow. Many folks didn't submit votes with names, so it is taking me a while to match IP addresses to names.

oh,
I bet I was one of those people. I don't recall if I did or not, but, I don't remember seeing a place to enter the name. If I did, I am sorry. For the next OWC, I hope you remind us how we should do it the right way.

Speaking of the next one, if you want help, I'd be glad to help. I had a blast. I think it is interesting to see what people think of a story w/o names. And I know that I learned lessons that won't be soon forgotten. I won't ever say "she feels the knife enter her body" since I'm scarred for life now ;)

Dan

Quoted from Don

Apologies, I've updated the listing

Probably tomorrow. Many folks didn't submit votes with names, so it is taking me a while to match IP addresses to names.

Don, you are great just getting all of this together! I was in no way complaining. Just wanted people to know I've been here a little while.

Thanks!

My favorites were:

The Elevator Most Belonging to Alice - Bill's OWC manifesto
I Heart Zombies - proves that Rick should write features and get paid lots of money
Iron Garbage - Mo puts his gloves on
Fabrini - Henry writes one that I read several times over... and I have no idea why

Congratulations all. There were quite a few I either loved or showed loads of potential, these are (in no particular order):

The Deuce
The Relevator
The Elevator Most Belonging to Alice
The Necro File
Fairytale
Just The Tip
Feel Like Falling
Fabrini
I Heart Zombies

I quite liked Lift in a 1 Star Hotel.

Quoted from Simon

I quite liked Lift in a 1 Star Hotel.

Needs a sequel, that asshole mechanic was too much, lol.

I was actually blown away at the diverse ideas surrounding this theme, creative to say the least. I usually do, but didn't get a chance to comment on most of the scripts this time due to a sh!tstorm I endured this week. BUT, I did read them all... twice. I usually read them all then go back and (as I reread) try to capitalize on something that wasn't mentioned in a previous post. If you commented on my work and I missed yours, I will sincerely try (in the days ahead) to return the favour in kind.

I used to be able to (somewhat guess) at who wrote what; Vis-à-vis, Johnny, Mo, Dustin, and the usual motley suspects, but everyone's evolving and adapting so quickly to a different voice and style... that it makes it hard to peg anyone down nowadays. Sometime back, Mo and I had a brief discussion about writers being arbiters of change, and I always think about that.

If we view society as adapting to, and being lead by new layers and ideas within the media, then it's easy to see writers as adapting and creating new works to fuel the quest from the masses for change. I also like to view these OWC's as a strange 'PULSE' (like a shock to the lower brain stem),or a request coming from the distant media moguls for new and entertaining ideas surrounding various themes. They don't look to directors, producers, or agencies... they always look to the writers (first) to create the base of the new paradigm. Anyway, just my two cents regarding a concept that stirs within, and how I've taken notice to all the writers (here) evolving to a status beyond proficiency in order to adapt to whatever is thrown their way.

BTW, Johnny and Mark, thank you for the kind words; for including the Zombie script in your list of 'potential' reads. Truly, words of encouragement for me to keep at it. Till next time...

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