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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Short Scripts / #You Are Dead - Filmed!
Posted by: Don, July 3rd, 2015, 10:15am
#You Are Dead by Luis Garza - Short, Horror, Comedy - Social media has revolutionized the way we communicate with one another. In this short, a clumsy psycho killer uses Snapchat to scare and kill his new victims, two dumb high school girls who are having a sleep over. 8 pages - pdf, format 8)
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Posted by: DustinBowcot (Guest), July 3rd, 2015, 10:26am; Reply: 1
Well the logline made me laugh. Puts me in mind of a slasher parody.
And you delivered that. I like this. I can imagine the characters and it was a very enjoyable read. Not sure if there's anything that you can improve on. It works for me.
Nice job.
Posted by: Scar Tissue Films, July 3rd, 2015, 10:31am; Reply: 2
I haven't read the script, but the title is extremely arresting.
I'd be tempted to expand into a feature based on that alone.
Posted by: AnthonyCawood, July 3rd, 2015, 2:18pm; Reply: 3
Took a quick read, a few thoughts... just my opinion of course
1) like the title but hashtags normally run together, so would be better as #YouAreDead
2) 'Their phones on their sides'... do you mean they are 'by their sides'?
3) Nit picky, but it's iPhone... not Iphone.
4) Is the 'Sleep over with bae...' bit meant to be a TXT message, or response on Snapchat?
If so then it would be better formatted somthing like this...
INSERT: Phone screen.
Sleep over with bae etc etc
5) Same later on...
6) He seems to get to their house very quickly, does Kristi live next door?
So I like, this, there's a Scream like quality to it, just think it needs a polish and a tidy up.
Anthony
Posted by: IamGlenn, July 4th, 2015, 9:50am; Reply: 4
First thing that comes to mind is, change the title to #YouAreDead or #youaredead.
Anyway on with the script..
HAILEY
Sleep over with bae, hashtag turn
up
Does Hailey say these words? If not, it's formatted wrong. If so, it's a bit strange. Also don't get what hashtag turn up means? Maybe #turnip, as she's a fiend for her veggies?
Ha, I love the idea of these two bimbo's asking a very serous question like "why is there a weird person behind you?" via Snapchat. Says a lot about the youth of today, because really, that is what some would do.
The words “#shedead” and “lolrunbitch” in front
of the 3 second snap.
# should be in front of lolrunbitch
HAILEY
KillDisBitchlol
Again, don't think she'd be saying this..
Hailey opens the snap, a black screen with the words #yournext.
SARAH
My next?
HAILEY
I think he meant to put you apostrophe r e.
SARAH
Ohh.
Love this. Brilliant.
And a nice ending.
Overall, this was very well done and very funny. A modern day slasher spoof and I wouldn't mind seeing this as a feature. With a little tidying up, this is good to go.
Nice job and good luck.
Glenn.
Posted by: LuisAnthony, July 4th, 2015, 8:49pm; Reply: 5
Took a quick read, a few thoughts... just my opinion of course
1) like the title but hashtags normally run together, so would be better as #YouAreDead
Anthony |
Right, Don't know how I missed that.
4) Is the 'Sleep over with bae...' bit meant to be a TXT message, or response on Snapchat? If so then it would be better formatted somthing like this... INSERT: Phone screen. Sleep over with bae etc etc
Anthony
|
I was in a writing slump, this is my first script post slump. I totally forgot about the INSERT, thank you for the reminder.
6) He seems to get to their house very quickly, does Kristi live next door?
Anthony
|
I'm glad you noticed that, I was intending to poke fun on the fact that Serial Killers are super humanly fast off-screen in slasher movies.
I'm glad you like it by the way and thank you for the input :P
Posted by: LuisAnthony, July 4th, 2015, 8:57pm; Reply: 6
HAILEY Sleep over with bae, hashtag turn up Does Hailey say these words? If not, it's formatted wrong. If so, it's a bit strange. Also don't get what hashtag turn up means? Maybe #turnip, as she's a fiend for her veggies?
Glenn.
|
Yes, she is supposed to be talking as she types. I forgot about the INSERT format due to a writing slump that lasted for months. I used dialogue to notify the reader as to what Hailey is typing.
#Turnup is actually a trend teens are using to let others know they are having fun. Kinda weird huh?
Ha, I love the idea of these two bimbo's asking a very serous question like "why is there a weird person behind you?" via Snapchat. Says a lot about the youth of today, because really, that is what some would do.
Glenn.
|
Glad you noticed that! That was totally what I was going for!
Love this. Brilliant.
And a nice ending.
Overall, this was very well done and very funny. A modern day slasher spoof and I wouldn't mind seeing this as a feature. With a little tidying up, this is good to go.
Nice job and good luck.
Glenn.
Glenn.
|
I'm so glad you liked this as much as you did! I usually don't spoof other genres but I just had to do it for this one. I thought the idea of a serial killer actually being in touch with the media was so out of character, which makes it hilarious. All of the other serial killers in movies, seem to live in the past ;D
Posted by: LuisAnthony, July 4th, 2015, 8:58pm; Reply: 7
I haven't read the script, but the title is extremely arresting.
I'd be tempted to expand into a feature based on that alone. |
Well I'm glad you liked the concept. Hope you can get to it evantually! :P
Posted by: LuisAnthony, July 4th, 2015, 8:59pm; Reply: 8
Quoted from DustinBowcot Well the logline made me laugh. Puts me in mind of a slasher parody.
And you delivered that. I like this. I can imagine the characters and it was a very enjoyable read. Not sure if there's anything that you can improve on. It works for me.
Nice job. |
Thank you! That's what I was going for! ;D
Posted by: Don, March 24th, 2016, 11:16am; Reply: 9
Posted by: AnthonyCawood, March 24th, 2016, 6:32pm; Reply: 10
Gave this a quick look, and it was a fun watch... Loved the last scene and him hiding then popping up for the selfie... Worked well!
Posted by: LuisAnthony, March 24th, 2016, 11:16pm; Reply: 11
Thank you for getting this up so quickly Don.
Yeah so this is #YouAreDead, a short film adaption of my screenplay. I hope ya'll like it.
I have a better version of the script, i'll try to get it updated.
Posted by: LuisAnthony, March 24th, 2016, 11:42pm; Reply: 12
Gave this a quick look, and it was a fun watch... Loved the last scene and him hiding then popping up for the selfie... Worked well! |
Thanks for watching! Always appreciated!
Posted by: MarkRenshaw, March 25th, 2016, 5:26am; Reply: 13
I enjoyed this, it was short, snappy and very entertaining. Well done on getting it produced.
Posted by: Athenian, March 25th, 2016, 5:56am; Reply: 14
Enjoyable, Luis - congrats!
Posted by: jwent6688, March 25th, 2016, 6:54am; Reply: 15
This was fun. Having not read the script, I struggled to find the tone off the bat. Once I realized it has heading down the comedy avenue, I enjoyed it much more. Congrats.
James
Posted by: LuisAnthony, March 25th, 2016, 2:08pm; Reply: 16
I enjoyed this, it was short, snappy and very entertaining. Well done on getting it produced. |
Thank you for the watch! Glad you enjoyed!
Posted by: LuisAnthony, March 25th, 2016, 2:08pm; Reply: 17
Enjoyable, Luis - congrats! |
Thanks for watching and enjoying.
Posted by: LuisAnthony, March 25th, 2016, 2:09pm; Reply: 18
This was fun. Having not read the script, I struggled to find the tone off the bat. Once I realized it has heading down the comedy avenue, I enjoyed it much more. Congrats.
James |
Thanks for watching!!
Posted by: IamGlenn, March 27th, 2016, 9:05am; Reply: 19
Really enjoyed this script and this was a pretty good job.
Good work, keep it up.
Posted by: LuisAnthony, March 27th, 2016, 10:19am; Reply: 20
Really enjoyed this script and this was a pretty good job.
Good work, keep it up. |
Thank you for watching, glad you enjoyed!! :) :) :)
Posted by: Matthew Taylor, November 17th, 2023, 9:47am; Reply: 21
My high school students recreated this short film with a few edits to the original script. They did a great job!! |
Did your high school students have permission from the writer to use it?
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