Project Genesis by Jonathan Jackson - Sci Fi, Fantasy - In the beginning, man created two sentient cyborgs. 121 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hey Johnathan: from page one there are problems here that you might want to apply to the entire script in your next revision.

Don't write Character is doing.... Write - Character does.. For example:

Quoted Text ALEX, a male sentient cyborg that looks human, is walking through a large garden lush with all kinds of fruits and vegetables.

ALEX, a male sentient cyborg that looks human, walks
through a large garden lush with all kinds of fruits and

You do this throughout. If you have an is/are followed by an ing word you may want to change that.

Quoted Text INT. LABORATORY ROOM - NIGHT DR. GARRETT, an old white-haired scientist dressed in all white, is sitting at a table working on Alex, a male advanced cyborg. Dr. Garrett is piecing him together. All parts are reminiscent of human parts. Alex bones are a silver metal material that is shiny and sleek. His organs are machine like but very elastic and emit blue lights. Muscle fibers and nervous system are tube-like. The blood that pumps through the body is blue. The skin is clear and gel-like. Dr. Garrett is using a pen that utilizes laser technology in order to start each organ and seal all open areas. He is using microscopic capable glasses to look into the body. Dr. Garrett finally is done putting the body together. He sits back and takes a breath. DR. GARRETT It is done.

Break this up - generally, once you have gone more than four lines of description - you have gone to far.

Good luck

I have several issues with the title/log which prevents an open read.

PROJECT GENESIS, Wrath of Khan anyone? I doubt the geeks will let this go.

"In the beginning " beginning of mankind? Man couldn't create fire let alone anything else  in the beginning. So,  you need to elaborate something about this setup.

Okay,  man created two cyborgs,  I'll assume that's what you mean by beginning. But then what?  Where's the conflict? Struggle or risk?
Gl with the script,
Tony

These Genesis references are really cheesy.

I don't like the intro VO. It's very flat, but also vague, grand, and trying to explain the theme and the plot so quickly. It should be there to set the tone more than it should be there to explain everything to the audience.

There seems to be minor inconsistencies with Alex. First you say that his first thoughts are of his father and he knew that. But then a line later he says he didn't remember his first thoughts and that he has the mind of an infant. And then you contradict that a half-page later when he's forming full sentences and walking around, so he's clearly not like an infant. Be consistent.

Overall the first scene is just way too expository. I assume these are colleagues who know Garrett and his work well, so why would Dr. Michael say something like "You did it. You have created a sentient cyborg?" It seems that line is there for the audience only, and it doesn't feel real.

It seems like an imaginative plot, but the first scene should reflect that. Instead of all this expository dialogue, give us a good image. Maybe show us Alex walking around like a baby after first awakening.

Interesting concept to mirror creation and the fall. I find inherent hurdles in the question of being human and human in affect being God. My disbelief was not suspended enough to buy in and I kept thinking of I Robot. Very wordy. The first 20 pages could be cut to 10.

We have a robot that can outperform a human yet they are organic, so doesn't being organic limit their performance as opposed to I Robot being made of metal where you can understand their superior performance?

Just been done to death. Think of something else, plz :)