Parts Are Such Sweet Sorrow - OWC

Logline is a bit messy. Probably wrote on the hop. Nice pseudonym.

Lot of one liners that I'm groaning at. This is supposed to be horror, but it's comedy.

Not bad... I like the story and it would be easy to film.

6 out of 10. Not quite a consider, but not a bad effort either, nice work.

This could make a funny sketch.

It's not horror by any stretch of the imagination, but it was a fun little skit.

SPOILERS

Pg 1
disinterested -> uninterested (cf the great scene in Bugsy)
"nuts and bolts" Nice. (She's the nut and he wants to bolt?)
The first thing we hear from the Counselor is "separation"?

Pg 2
Top of page: you are the first one today to make me lol. Thanks!
collerd shirts. Nice.

Pg 3
The Counselor has a bias for The Bride
She breaks into song. Well done.

Pg 5
Okay, the Counselor lets Frank finish a sentence.

= = = = = = =
Bravo!
Best one so far today.

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films

This could make a funny sketch.

It's not horror by any stretch of the imagination, but it was a fun little skit.

There's a dismembered body in the bathtub.

Quoted from RKeller

There's a dismembered body in the bathtub.

It's still a comedy.

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films

It's still a comedy.

So it's a pisser then

Not a pisser.
Just heavier on the comedy than the horror.

This is a funny sketch, it's not a horror but I did like the setting and the banter between the characters. It is low budget, uses classic monsters but if I were a picky guy (which I am) there is more than one good make-up effect, as both Frank and his Bride would need make-up, plus the body in the bath.

I did like it though, it was clever and witty.

-Mark

This was complete garbage. just joking.  I actually laughed quite a bit.

PROS:  Easy setup.  Great quick back and forth banter.  Easily to visualize.

CONS: Comedy.  Didn't get the uniBROW joke.

Funny.

My opinions are just that, and have been known to be wrong!

Picky bits:-
1) Not horror for sure ;-)

Good bits:-
1) Well paced
2) Good dialogue
3) Definitely some funny lines

Rules
Well it's got a classic monster or two, but it ain't horror

Overall this was well written and funny, but not really as per the brief for this OWC

Anthony

I'm not quite sure what to say about this one, it's a cute concept and decently executed, but it feels like more could've been done with it. It could really be something good, Frankenstein and his Bride having marriage problems, but it didn't really dig deep enough for me. Might have been nice to hear or see some of things they've done in the past to spice up their marriage. Things normal couples would do, but don't work out because these two are abominations before the eyes of God. Things like going on a date night that ends with them running away from angry villagers.

The end is good, but again feels like it could be more. How far down this road might these two go? Does cutting off other people's faces and stitching them to your own count as "seeing other people"?

Then again, maybe it's just me.

Parts Are Such Sweet Sorrow

Okay, a lot of comedy with one brutal image.

Imo this could work only if you compress it to 2 or 3 pages. A short funny clip with a dark touch. Still decent stuff imo, nice concept.

Writer,

Very nicely done, and funny. Found myself chuckling several times. It's an original premise and one I can see being filmed very easily. I loved that they killed the counselor. I think you could have spent at least half a page on her brutal death. That would have thrown in the horror element that this piece is missing. For what it's worth, mostly comedy here. But I don't care. One of my favs nonetheless. Good job!

Steve

You can tell from the title and the start this is going to be on the comedic side. Thankfully I've cheered up a bit so I'll give it a go.

There's a few lines that fall flat, but there's also some good lines. I was amused.

R

More of a sketch, but fine for what it is.

THE GOOD:  I think many of these jokes would land, provided you had skilled performers delivering them. Ring of Fire amongst the best of these, for me.  A nice dialogue-driven piece, that zips along, is a nice change of pace amidst all the horror scripts that tend towards tone-heavy and long on description.  I enjoyed this.

THE BAD:  Too many puns for my taste.  But humor is subjective.  Some of the horror is a bit low brow, moving from lighthearted to overtly sexual, so the tone is a little inconsistent.  The important "uni-brow" punchline made no sense to me.

bert's grade:  B-

I really enjoyed it, the jokes landed well, and the writing’s top drawer.

I grew up watching Herman Munster and always loved the idiot savant he was. 'This' reminded me of The Munsters in a youthful nostalgic way… so thanks for that.

It also has a quirky Mel Brooks – Young Frankenstein atmosphere about it, especially the ending. Not sure you could add to, or take away anything without losing its simplicity.

Elsa Lanchester,

Your logline isn't really a logline..

"FRANKENSTEIN
We were literally made for each
other."
Nice!

I liked most of this. Some of the jokes fell flat but a lot were very funny. I liked the ending too, actually didn't see that coming. Get rid of the stuff that doesn't work (Johnny Cash, uni-brow) and your onto a winner here.

Good job.

Glenn.

The good news...

Peeps seem to enjoy this for some reason.

The not so good news...

References to "Frankenstein" are incorrect - Frankenstein was the Doctor, not the monster, but many peeps seem to confuse this.

The bad news...

I'm out after the first passage. I cannot stand this smarmy style.

Obviously a pisser, with zero effort to meet the actual challenge.

I will not waste anymore time on this garbage.

Grade...

D-

I agree with Jeff about the names. It's Frankenstein's Monster, not Frankenstein The Monster. Easy fix. Just refer to your characters as The Monster and The Bride. :)

I didn't see this as a horror at all. A dismembered body does not qualify alone to make a film a horror. For example, I watched Kill Bill about a month or so ...again, and there you have many many people being dismembered with swords. Blood spraying all over the place, but it's not a horror film. This one was a comedy, for sure with a horrific visual in the tub, but that does not make this a horror, IMO.

Interestingly though, it was also the only thing visually interesting. The rest of the time, these characters just sit and talk and talk. The dialogue was pretty good though and I enjoyed that, but story wise and genre, this one didn't deliver for me.

Loved it.

Look it needs a tidy, like the Frankstein monster thing, but hey folks this is a OWC

Concept wise, frank and his bird go to counselling is alone a sales point. I laughed just at the idea.

The end of with the killed counsellor and frank in a red velvet smoking jacket was great. I could picture him putting in the grammar phone and lighting candles

I agree more can be done, but that's what a OWC is about, finding something to work on. Filmable too.

I think I would go more dark comedy. Have them argue at home. Frank looks up the counsellor sees the big jugs and off they go. Could almost have them have sex at the end with the body in the room etc

The problem with the horror tag in the OWC is that it doesn't permit this variety too well.

Fun effort

Don't ever disrespect the doc again ya heard? Seriously though, I was sort of under the impression that the monster kinda debo'ed the Frankenstein namesake. I think as long as it wasnt referred to Frankenstein in dialogue, you get a pass.

The writer went to the cheese castle with this, some of it worked for me. The counseling session was clever although the humor feels slightly outdated. Of course the last punchline was the best.

+ Humorous in places
+ Fun premise
+ Could attract some serious option interest
+ Well written

- Jokes need a lot of salt and pepper
- The gags rely too much on appearances (but the dick thing was setup well)

OMG!  I started this script thinking that the first few lines were a bit awkwardly written.

THEN the humor kicked in!  You've got some terrific, goofy zingers in here.  Honestly, it really works for the comedy riff it is... you had me as early as 'nuts and bolts.'

LOL... and I have a sneaking suspicion who this is...  :P

Cheers,

--J (W)

Hey, David -

PM me on this one... it was cute! :P

Nice work Dave. Didn't do anything for me, but, yet again, another solid effort.

Quoted from DustinBowcot

Nice work Dave. Didn't do anything for me, but, yet again, another solid effort.

Thanks, dude - and congrats again on Puta Grasa - well done!

Print Topic