When World's Collide by Terrell L. Frazier  - Action, Adventure - Some of our favorite anime characters come together in a melodrama to save each other's universe.  87 pages - pdf, format 8)

Opened this up for a quick look and had to stop fairly quickly...

1) This doesn't follow 'standard' script format at all, please read some prodcued scripts and fix this... no one will read it or take it seriously as it is
2) Movies with Narrators tend to have one, occasionally two... you introduce eight! in the first two pages.
3) Scripts should be written in an active style/voice, and you have loads of passive sentences and some that mix the two, e.g. YORUICHI closes her eyes and took a deep breathe
This should be YORUICHI closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.
4) You don't properly introduce any of the characters, so I don't know if they are male or female, what they look like, how old they are etc...

The script needs some serious attention I'm afraid.

Anthony

Terrell,

The logline needs work. Trim it way down. I think the title was an old 50s movie as well, is this a remake?

This looks a lot like something my son has just written. He's always writing stories and building websites dedicated to his favourite things. Of which, Anime is one.

Code FADE IN:”ATTACK ON TITUNS PT 1”

Don't put the title after FADE IN: Just the FADE IN: will suffice.

Code SPACE-MILKY WAY GALAXY

The above is correct in that you don't need to use EXT. or INT. Also in that it doesn't need a DAY and NIGHT. Space is space. However there should be a space either side of the hyphen. Like so:

SPACE - MILKY WAY GALAXY

Code The story begins in outer space.

Screenplay writing is visual. You write in visuals. So you can't tell us that the story starts in space. You must show us. And you have. The slugline, which is a visual reference of location, already alerts us to the fact that we are in space. So this sentence is unnecessary.

Code Various characters from World’s Collide explains the epic tale as to why they will soon come together as the audience is drifted away in many various parts of the universe.

Again, you're telling us stuff that the characters will do anyway as soon as they show up. Or you could use VO and describe them later. Simply describe the voices instead.

Only write what the viewer will see on screen.

Code KARI (NARRATOR) In the Time Long Forgotten in a time of great turmoil and depression befell great warriors. Godlike leaders born to restore order in their failing universes

You're not supposed to have a line space between the character name and the dialogue. What would solve this issue for you is free screenwriting software. It does it all for you. Might be a little strange at first but you'll get used to it in no time. Try Celtx, Trelby or Adobe. All free.

What you're also doing with the narration is telling us the whole back story in one massive chunk with very little visuals. This is something we call exposition. It's ugly and usually we bury it behind exciting visuals and/or conflict so that it is disguised, and therefore tastes better, like vegetables in a stew.

Code Silhouettes of the HOLY ONES and the GLUTTONS clashed in the final frontier (space) tearing the galaxies almost completely apart the Multiverse was red like blood with Black huge patches and numerous of huge debris and dead bodies float around.

You should write in the present. So rather than clashed, they clash right now, right in front of us.

I had a quick read and story-wise this is very good, I look forward to reading more of your stuff in the future.

Hey Terrell,
I think you pasted synopsis where a log line should be! You are very lucky that some members went on to read your script!