It says Inspired By Actual Events on the title page and I should think also by the 1965 film THE BATTLE OF THE BULGE. The writer takes a huge liberty with the massacre which was very much a real life event: <
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malmedy_massacre> The name of the SS man responsible is spelled wrongly about half the time in the script, and other errors made it hard to take seriously.
Lee, if you are around, there are things you can improve. The writing, as Steve says, needs attention.
For example, because it's an important part of motivation for the eventual act of retribution, make it clear about the relationship of the lover buddies when we first meet them. That came unexpectedly for me when one witnesses the other's death.
Descriptions are overlong in an effort to explain:
Quoted from THOSEDAMNEDENGINEERS.pdf EXT. CAMP - DAY
The last of the line for the American expeditionary force in Europe, far from the front this is where men go to recuperate from battle. Mainly support personal hardly any infantry or battle ready troops.
Men and material are scattered around in organized chaos. There seems to be no discernible order to anything. Man walk around lazily smoking like there is not a care in the world. The only people that seem real busy are the cooks.
|
Instead of pumping all this dry information at the reader, have characters relate the important parts. You could have a new arrival shown around, an officer on inspection or perhaps David can sneak Marie into camp and tell her.
DAVID
These men are here to recuperate.
Mainly support personnel, combat
engineers and the like.
NEW GUY
Nobody looks busy.
DAVID
Just the cooks.That's to show the men are, as you say, growing fat and complacent. When you want to tell us about blowing bridges, this also goes on screen:
DAVID
My guys are engineers, kind of a
do-it-all, fix-all group.
MARIE
What kind of thing do you fix?
DAVID
[...]
This is not a proper solution, you see how clunky and unnatural too much of this would become. Better to leave out all exposition and trust the reader to grasp the story you are trying to tell; these are men at war and we know what they are facing without showing Hitler ranting at his desk. (HITLER should be in capitals when he is introduced.)
when Peiper opens fire, this is the beginning of "The largest land battle in History." Your story has minor characters on some pointless task suddenly surprised and immediately helpless. Ted says "We gotta get out here and warn them" and they become rabbits in a jeep. The sound of gunfire will have warned everybody anyway. Have your characters take an active part: the pair have been sent to scout for lumber, so perhaps they find a tree that has been smashed to the ground. As you build suspense you can also give story information:
TED
What the heck kind of vehicle could
have done this?
BAILY
Hey, look at these tracks, you
think some fool's been trying to
manouever a tank up here?
TED
That's crazy. Our guys haven't got
a tank in twenty miles.
You have a story to tell, I can see it stems from the mystery surrounding the real Peiper's death. Perhaps instead of Inspired By, make it wholly fictional.