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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Drama Scripts  /  Nobody Believed Me
Posted by: Don, July 31st, 2016, 8:35pm
Nobody Believed Me by Les Thompson - Drama - Nobody believed a 12 year-old rape victim could be thrown into a notorious asylum, beaten by insane patients, subjected to experimental shock treatment and survive to help others. But thanks to a kindly psychiatrist, a good man and his loving family, Paulette did. A true story. 78 pages - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: TonyDionisio, August 2nd, 2016, 12:58pm; Reply: 1
1st page is blank, 2nd page picks up on the 6th page of the script. Anyone else seeing this?
Posted by: NW3, August 2nd, 2016, 5:46pm; Reply: 2
Yes, and more besides. It's strangely formatted in any case, long blocks of dialogue with almost no description. It could be that the first words are meant to be the start of the script, regardless of page numbers. One good reason to use FADE IN:
Posted by: grademan, August 2nd, 2016, 9:41pm; Reply: 3
I don't often write reviews but something about your logline got me interested. At least, enough to scan through the first 20 pages. It's not terrible but it needs a lot of help.

Why is Conti listed as an script writer? Did she actually write parts of this? If not, she doesn't get credit the screenplay just because she wrote the book you based it on. If this is a serious script or a fan piece,  you should probably have her permission.
  
What did you use as your script template? Whatever you used, scrap it now.  Final Draft is a decent investment. Scene headings usually fit on one line. Fix those and your page count will drop 5 pages.

What did you use for the dialogue? Her dialogue, especially the initial line, is very much on the nose. Try and make her sound like a person with a unique voice.  Your narrative repeats a lot of what's in the dialogue. And large blocks of dialogue are -ugh! Try to write a movie not a talkie.

I hope this helps you on your script.
Posted by: NW3, August 3rd, 2016, 8:12am; Reply: 4
The missing pages have turned up, and these show many problems. Les, I hope you are around to read this? You have I think, an interesting story to tell but it looks a mess. Search on 'screenplay' and 'format' and spend some time reading scripts to get an idea.

Most obviously, scene headings have only three elements: "INT." or "EXT." then "WHERE" (from GENERAL to SPECIFIC if needed) then "- DAY" or "- NIGHT". The scene changes when a character leaves the location.

  EXT. FOREST - DAY

  INT. FLORIDA - CHATTAHOOCHEE HOSPITAL - WARD - DAY

  INT. HOSPITAL - NURSES' STATION - DAY

  INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE - DAY



Description goes after:


  EXT. FOREST - DAY

  In an open area, a 12-year-old CHILD drags a rag doll as she
  runs towards a large weatherboard house. On the veranda is a
  red-haired WOMAN, staring blankly out.

                      CHILD
                   (shrieks)
            Momma, Momma!



Everything characters say gets formatted like this. (Not "shouting that she had spat at him and another had tried to hit him.") Don't describe thoughts or feelings.

That's a start, I hope it helps.
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