Era:
Present Day

Locations:
Australia

Genre:
Comedy, Dark Comedy, Dramatic Comedy, Drama

Logline:
Long-lost frenemies DAN and SAMMY reunite in their 20s and must help one another confront an unplanned pregnancy, unemployment, selfishness, and all the psychological distress that comes along with it.

Strengths:
Right off the bat, the dialogue crackles with wit and hilarity. The characters' speech patterns fall into that perfect middle-ground between heightened and authentic that elicits so many laugh-out-loud moments. Sammy's final line in the cold open about the dude who might buy them chicken nuggets is just one example of so many hysterically deadpan beats that really give this pilot a clear stylistic edge. Sammy's complete obliviousness to her pregnancy is a horrifying source of humor, and her rekindled friendship with Dan has huge dramatic potential as the emotional anchor of the series. The two of them are so self-absorbed and blissfully unaware of how real adulthood is going to get. We meet them on the precipice of an enormous life upheaval, and it's going to be exciting to watch how their misadventures lead them to the solutions to their problems (or not).

Weaknesses:
While the dialogue and setup is overall really fun and ripe with lots of potential, the relationships between the characters and their various histories lack some specificity. We get a few tidbits about Sammy and Dan's past and how they once felt about one another, but because this is the central relationship of our series, we could use a bit more substance and information in regards to their backstory. How will their falling out in the past and their differences affect the future they've suddenly been forced into? What kinds of grudges are each of them still clinging to? Ted and Sammy's breakup feels similarly underdeveloped. Ted is of course a terribly selfish partner and his logic doesn't have to make sense to us if it makes sense to him, but there doesn't seem to be very much logic behind it in general. His reasons for ending the relationship feel somewhat foggy. Even if he's a complete chauvinist and a bad boyfriend, there could be something Sammy might stand to learn from this breakup and doesn't want to admit it. Sammy's life is definitely a work-in-progress, and giving her more specific personal goals (however unreachable and silly) will really help to flesh out her character overall.

TV series potential:
The writer has such a fantastic, original voice, and that alone definitely boosts this pilot's prospects as a series. Mid-grade cable networks like FX are always in the market for this type of comedic material, and this pilot would certainly fit in well with their slate. Funny, well-crafted dialogue and situational humor always attracts solid talent, but to really assure that the most bankable creatives associate themselves with this project, the character relationships could use just a little bit more meat on their bones. Specificity is key in character-driven dramedies like this one. This script has absolutely fabulous potential overall, however, with just a little bit more finesse. It's well worth one last polish to address any lingering issues.

Pages:
44

Thanks everyone! It's on the Series board if anyone wants to read it :P