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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Short Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  /  Anxiety
Posted by: Don, December 2nd, 2016, 10:44pm
Anxiety by Simon Parker - Short, Scifi, Fantasy - Feeling almost invisible, a young boy is able to write whatever he likes on his hands and face and it always goes unseen by the rest of the world. That is until he meets a young girl who can see it all. He writes nasty and abusive words, but she believes what he writes has an unseen effect on those around him. Instead of being negative, try been positive for a change.  10 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Posted by: RichardR, December 6th, 2016, 11:56am; Reply: 1
Some notes.

Cute little story but seems like a one-trick pony.  Too much of the same thing.  You might try to mix things up for him.  Write one good word, one bad.  Let her write the words.  A bit shorter and a bit more wandering and I think you have a viable work.

Best
Richar
Posted by: Fausto, December 9th, 2016, 3:48pm; Reply: 2
Simon,
gentle, inspirational story. I liked it. At times, I have found the dialogue unnecessarily too repetitive...same meaning can be presented with more direct, fewer words. I like the positive outlook about anxiety. A positive attitude is the key to defeat this state of mind.
Work on it.
My best,
Fausto
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