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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  ›  Anxiety
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  Author    Anxiety  (currently 1043 views)
Don
Posted: December 2nd, 2016, 10:44pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Anxiety by Simon Parker - Short, Scifi, Fantasy - Feeling almost invisible, a young boy is able to write whatever he likes on his hands and face and it always goes unseen by the rest of the world. That is until he meets a young girl who can see it all. He writes nasty and abusive words, but she believes what he writes has an unseen effect on those around him. Instead of being negative, try been positive for a change.  10 pages - pdf, format

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RichardR
Posted: December 6th, 2016, 11:56am Report to Moderator
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Some notes.

Cute little story but seems like a one-trick pony.  Too much of the same thing.  You might try to mix things up for him.  Write one good word, one bad.  Let her write the words.  A bit shorter and a bit more wandering and I think you have a viable work.

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Richar
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Fausto
Posted: December 9th, 2016, 3:48pm Report to Moderator
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Simon,
gentle, inspirational story. I liked it. At times, I have found the dialogue unnecessarily too repetitive...same meaning can be presented with more direct, fewer words. I like the positive outlook about anxiety. A positive attitude is the key to defeat this state of mind.
Work on it.
My best,
Fausto
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