Superman: Dark Matter by Jami Todd - Sci Fi, Fantasy, Animation - Superman infiltrates the Phantom Zone to rescue his biological father--Jor-El. 74 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

I liked the idea you were going for I felt like some of the dialogue sounded very cheesy and cartoonish. But then again, it is a pilot for an animated series.

for example, this line of dialogue:
"What have you done!? What have you
done!? "

and also:
"It will take months to fix this!
Months!"

The character constantly repeats everything he just said, twice.