Dead World Diary Part 1 by Logan McDonald - Short, Drama - A man finds a camera and films his friends search for supplies and food. 7 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi Logan,

I realise this says part 1, but without the other parts there is not enough of a setup for this to make any sense.

How did the world end, what on earth is going on, who are the maniacs with the chainsaws?

I'm never a fan of an untraditional title page, but it isn't a war winner.

Lots and lots of typos. Not sure if this even had a second read through because I feel like they would have been picked up.

I love found footage, I love end of the world, but there isn't enough here to bring it all together into a coherent story.

Flesh it out a bit more and you might have a good script or give us part 2/3/4 so we can see where it's going.

All the best.

Some notes.

This one needs some work.  These three are pretty much all the same.  You can make them different.  Micheal the videographer, Samuel the clown, Joe, the realist.  I can't believe that this far into the chaos they don't have weapons.  And I don't believe the dogs wouldn't raise a fuss if they found other humans or creatures.  I know that I would some sort of weapon, probably a gun.  That may not be enough, but it's something.

Best
Richard

Maybe the part where the horror started came out of nowhere a bit and didn't last long enough. Maybe your script is a bit underdeveloped because of this. I liked the fun sense of adventure, though. Respect goes out to you for finding a way to make such a dark subject fun.