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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Dead World Diary
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Don
Posted: January 1st, 2017, 10:01am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Dead World Diary Part 1 by Logan McDonald - Short, Drama - A man finds a camera and films his friends search for supplies and food. 7 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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Warren
Posted: August 9th, 2017, 12:22am Report to Moderator
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Hi Logan,

I realise this says part 1, but without the other parts there is not enough of a setup for this to make any sense.

How did the world end, what on earth is going on, who are the maniacs with the chainsaws?

I'm never a fan of an untraditional title page, but it isn't a war winner.

Lots and lots of typos. Not sure if this even had a second read through because I feel like they would have been picked up.

I love found footage, I love end of the world, but there isn't enough here to bring it all together into a coherent story.

Flesh it out a bit more and you might have a good script or give us part 2/3/4 so we can see where it's going.

All the best.


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Warren  -  August 9th, 2017, 12:32am
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RichardR
Posted: August 11th, 2017, 12:56pm Report to Moderator
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Some notes.

This one needs some work.  These three are pretty much all the same.  You can make them different.  Micheal the videographer, Samuel the clown, Joe, the realist.  I can't believe that this far into the chaos they don't have weapons.  And I don't believe the dogs wouldn't raise a fuss if they found other humans or creatures.  I know that I would some sort of weapon, probably a gun.  That may not be enough, but it's something.

Best
Richard
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Simon
Posted: September 3rd, 2017, 1:09pm Report to Moderator
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Maybe the part where the horror started came out of nowhere a bit and didn't last long enough. Maybe your script is a bit underdeveloped because of this. I liked the fun sense of adventure, though. Respect goes out to you for finding a way to make such a dark subject fun.


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