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Dead World Diary (currently 635 views)
Posted: January 1st, 2017, 10:01am
So, what are you writing?
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Dead World Diary Part 1
by Logan McDonald - Short, Drama - A man finds a camera and films his friends search for supplies and food. 7 pages - pdf, format
Writer interested in feedback on this work
Posted: August 9th, 2017, 12:22am
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I realise this says part 1, but without the other parts there is not enough of a setup for this to make any sense. How did the world end, what on earth is going on, who are the maniacs with the chainsaws? I'm never a fan of an untraditional title page, but it isn't a war winner. Lots and lots of typos. Not sure if this even had a second read through because I feel like they would have been picked up. I love found footage, I love end of the world, but there isn't enough here to bring it all together into a coherent story. Flesh it out a bit more and you might have a good script or give us part 2/3/4 so we can see where it's going. All the best.
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Posted: August 11th, 2017, 12:56pm
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This one needs some work. These three are pretty much all the same. You can make them different. Micheal the videographer, Samuel the clown, Joe, the realist. I can't believe that this far into the chaos they don't have weapons. And I don't believe the dogs wouldn't raise a fuss if they found other humans or creatures. I know that I would some sort of weapon, probably a gun. That may not be enough, but it's something. Best Richard
Reply: 2 - 3
Posted: September 3rd, 2017, 1:09pm
Been around a while
English, self taught comedy writer
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Maybe the part where the horror started came out of nowhere a bit and didn't last long enough. Maybe your script is a bit underdeveloped because of this. I liked the fun sense of adventure, though. Respect goes out to you for finding a way to make such a dark subject fun.
Reply: 3 - 3
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