Margaret and Charles by 0 - Short, Drama - Two hitchhikers find they must be made for each other. - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Haha, I love it.

I didn't really see the story in this, maybe it needed more pages to set it up.

For one page, I liked it. I want to see more if you decide to expand on this.

Not really much to the story. I guess I wanted to know what they're fighting out. Or maybe that's the point, they're stuck together no matter what. Just wasn't for me, but maybe an issue of one page constraint.

Hmm. I got it straight away. He wants to take his time, goes peeing, not in a hurry at all. She wants to get into a car as soon as possible. She's angry, relies on her top to get picked up.
And the rest is pretty obvious.

Not fighting anyone's opinion, it just makes me sad to see people some didn't get it.

It was an okay story for me.  Not too much meat on the bone, so to speak.  But for one page, it was fine.

Gary

Not much here, for me. I think it wants to go somewhere but it just stalled out. Good effort.

I agree that there really isn’t a story here.

Not the best of the bunch for me - written solidly enough - just expecting more of an ooomph with the ending

My impression is that this young girl is fed up with Charles (for one reason or another) while hitchiking to "somewheres." She sets off on her own -- only to find herself right back with Charles. Life's like that sometimes, right? That's my take anyway. Everywhere you go, there you are. In her case, Charles, too.

Margaret and Charles

I liked it. It's a coherent piece, well balanced, good structure, irony. Not much missing here.
4

The underlying message or theme is a little muddy for me. Maybe that's not a bad thing...

She thinks she's got it bad, but she gets picked up by a man that's even worse than the man she's running from...then after bailing, she gets picked up by a cop who also grabbed her partner? He grins like "you can't escape that easily", but shouldn't she almost appreciate him more?

Or maybe the message is that she just can't escape bad men. ha ha, yeah I like that.

Good work.

I don’t quite understand the stakes in this one. Is hitchhiking illegal?

I've spent a fair bit of time with my thumb out over the years and never had any issues.

This is one of the less exciting ones I’ve read.

Hmm, this didn't quite go where I thought it was headed.

You're onto something here but the drama petered out.

I imagined a thriller/'escape by the skin of your teeth' story but it didn't eventuate.

Ditch Howie, ditch the cop. Have Charles do something smart to save Margaret falling into Felix's clutches. Or maybe have Margaret save Felix, just for something different.

P.S. You need a stronger verb here imho: the Audi pulls over.

I visualise Margaret doing something physical to curtail Felix's advances so I think you need something like: The Audi's brakes slam on,  it swerves across two lanes, screeches to a halt.

P.P.S. Title needs a rethink too, don't you reckon?  A bit bland and gives your audience no clue.

What?

It's okay I guess.  

Cameron I swear, I was going to do one word reviews - damn you!

Not sure I got the twist in this one - sorry.

Writer,

Not my favorite, but pretty much a complete story. Could’ve used a touch more tension, or perhaps more of a sadistic police officer who seals the hitchhiker’s fate, and has fun doing it.

Steve

One word review

Ok.  Average.  3

Dan