Pools by Anthony Cawood - Short, Family, Children's Fantasy - The missing fairies may be closer to home than this little girl things. 2 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hwy, Anthony:

Quoted Text DAD  (O.C.) What  is  love?

Are you missing an "it" here?

Quoted Text Rex  lets  her  have  the  stick  back  to  stir  the  new  pool. BETHANY See?

IMO - a bit too crisp here.  Not sure what let'e her have the stick here is suppose to be visually and I don't know what she's looking at when she says "see".  Maybe something like:

Hoping for a fetch, Rex drops the stick to the ground. Bethany grabs it, stirs the pool - nothing but water.  - Something like that.

I didn't quite get the theme of the story - at the end felt that there was more to read.

Thanks for taking a read Dave, this was another one of the 'spare' 1 pagers from the OWC.

What is love? as in What is rubbish, so no it.

Sticky bit, yep will make that clearer...

Amended the end a little too...

No problem

Haven't read it yet. Just letting you know there's a typo in the logline. Things. Thinks.

Doh!

Started out very well and you kept me curious to the very end. But the ending is abrupt for me and I'm not sure I got it.

Kham... so the ending is meant to be that she's the fairy in the story... as all little girls are, well my daughter at least ;-)

Anthony, you deacribed the fairy as a young girl with white hair. Maybe you could say Bethany. a bit otn but it'll bring clarity.

Thanks Kham, good point, changed it.