Hi Sean,
Quoted Text INT. SMALL HOUSE - NIGHT - FLASHBACK/POLAND/1941 |
I'd recommend putting the country and year in a super if you want the audience to see it, so:
SUPER: POLAND 1941
Quoted Text The room is overcrowded with people asleep on makeshift beds. |
People needs to be capitalised, all character introductions require capitalisation.
Excellent tension on pages 1 and 2.
About 6 named characters before the end of page 3, hopefully it doesn’t get too confusing.
Quoted Text SASHA/YOUNG ALEXANDRA |
In your software there should be an option for dual dialogue, it formats it in a neater way than just putting a slash.
So I'd be lying if I said all the characters, and there really are a lot, didn’t get confusing. I think I managed to stick with who was who though.
It’s really well written and the things I pointed out are really minor nit-picks.
Story wise, it almost feels like a feature contained within 16 pages. It’s a big story.
I really enjoyed it and can understand why it has done well in contests.
Congrats.