Quoted from Mr. Blonde
Hey, Jeff, don't forget to leave the scores off the actual script and put them on the scorecard at the end, okay?
Quoted from Vincent
Like the concept, and that you've focused on a segment often overlooked (older people), but I wish the comedy was more visible. I'd suggest you watch the new Fox sitcom "The Cool Kids" (8:30/7:30c), focusing on four residents of an Arizona retirement community -- it's considerably more broad in its humor than this, but gives an idea of the challenges seniors go through.
Your story has possibilities, so keep working on it.
Quoted from LC
In 'strine' that simply means surprisingly good. Show off!
I don't think an explanation was needed for the flowers - he's arranged to have them delivered each year.
Humour was lovely. Great, obstructions with all the biddies vying for his attention and a satisfying ending.
Like I said: Showoff! ;D
Ooh, one thing: I'm not enamoured with the title, don't think it does it justice.
One more nitpicky thing:
Oh, Babe. I like this guy.
I know he's Young Jimmy but I question whether the term of endearment would be 'babe', from this era, more like 'sweetheart', darling or even, doll.
Quoted from James McClung
Only issue I would note (a minor one) is that I feel like there should've been some kind of transition or note when Young Adel enters the scene so as to orient the reader. I wasn't sure if Adel becomes Young Adel or if Adel is watching her younger self interact with Jimmy. I get what you were going for and it worked well, especially later on in the scene, but I could've used some additional clarity.