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The primary purpose of the SimplyScripts Discussion Board is the discussion of unproduced screenplays. If you are a producer or director lookng for your next project, the works here are available for option, purchase or production only if you receive permission from the author.
NOTE: these screenplays are NOT in the public domain and MAY NOT be used or reproduced for any purpose (including eductional purposes) without the expressedwrittenpermission of the author.
For Now (was Blessing) by Paul Knauer (PKCardinal) writing as - Grosbeak Bunting - Short, RomCom - A year after losing her husband, a widow struggles with whether to date again. 8 pages
productioneasy shoot, minimal setup, small cast, limited location (retirement community). - pdf format
Nice work. I like the set up, and I like the angle on the elderly people — good to see people realize that just because you get older doesn’t mean that sparks can’t fly. Writing was good. Also liked that Axel had her doubts as she struggles to let go. Think you should have given more e plantation to the roses — perhaps her explaining to warren that Jimmy was really sick a year ago, and I guess he sent these because he knew he was going to die. That moment, right there, is a major plot point and you really didn’t explain it or get into it much. Big missed opportunity!
Really liked this one. Very well written, no issues here. Thought the characters were interesting and the dialog was pretty good throughout.
My only knock is that it just wasn't very funny. I think you had an opportunity for some real humor when Old Jimmy was talking about Warren, but you didn't take it far enough.
Still, really good entry here.
Zack
I like my stories Simple. Straightforward. A to B. No C.
So I really like this one as is. Good characterisation, excellent dialogue, and a heart-warming story.
I think where it loses it for me in terms of the OWC is that I didn't really find it comedic. For me it was pretty sad with, like I said, a heart-warming ending.
Hard to know how to mark this one. I don't think it quiet gets there in terms of the challenge, but I did like it.
I'm finding it hard to review this challenge as I am emotionally dead inside- So I am now going in with the mentality of "What would my other half think?"
She would like this one - she's a sucker for old people in love, I don't think there's a moment that would move her to tears, but in a Rom-Com I guess that doesn't matter.
I enjoyed it, was feel good, nothing pulled me out of the read, dialogue felt real.
No stand out comedy moments, but it wasn't too serious either.
Good job and well done for completing the challenge
Like the concept, and that you've focused on a segment often overlooked (older people), but I wish the comedy was more visible. I'd suggest you watch the new Fox sitcom "The Cool Kids" (8:30/7:30c), focusing on four residents of an Arizona retirement community -- it's considerably more broad in its humor than this, but gives an idea of the challenges seniors go through.
Your story has possibilities, so keep working on it.
This was too cute for me and the moment where ADEL and JIMMY should have been a MOMENT. This was what I expected the entries to be for this OWC. No shame in your game.