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In 'strine' that simply means surprisingly good. Show off!
I don't think an explanation was needed for the flowers - he's arranged to have them delivered each year.
Humour was lovely. Great, obstructions with all the biddies vying for his attention and a satisfying ending.
Like I said: Showoff!
Ooh, one thing: I'm not enamoured with the title, don't think it does it justice.
One more nitpicky thing:
YOUNG JIMMY Oh, Babe. I like this guy.
I know he's Young Jimmy but I question whether the term of endearment would be 'babe', from this era, more like 'sweetheart', darling or even, doll.
LC,
Thanks for the compliments. Can never have enough of those.
Regarding the title: I can't decide if I like it, either. I couldn't think of anything, so I went with the idea that Jimmy is giving his "blessing" for Adel to date. But, it just doesn't feel right. Still, haven't thought of anything better. (Ideas, anyone?)
Also, great note on "Babe." Really made me think. Every word is so important. So, I did the math. They met in their 30s, they're in their 70s. That means they dated in the 1970s. Brought to mind, Sonny and Cher. I got you, Babe. So, I can make the argument that he might call her Babe. But, still not sure if I've convinced myself. So, I'll keep pondering. Maybe there's something better.
Again, love the note. Details make all the difference.
PaulKWrites.com
60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature
Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
Only issue I would note (a minor one) is that I feel like there should've been some kind of transition or note when Young Adel enters the scene so as to orient the reader. I wasn't sure if Adel becomes Young Adel or if Adel is watching her younger self interact with Jimmy. I get what you were going for and it worked well, especially later on in the scene, but I could've used some additional clarity.
Both you and ReneC made this same note.
I'm working the problem!
Thanks!
PaulKWrites.com
60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature
Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
FYI, I've changed the title to SPARK. Hopefully that's better.
PaulKWrites.com
60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature
Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
PK, I read it again slowly and deliberately, looking at dialogue, key phrases, with a mind to title.
'Spark' isn't exactly lighting up for me. It's not bad but as a title it could mean any genre, any thing... I think in that regard Blessing is better.
So, any of these take your fancy?
Together Again One More Time, With Feeling Last Chance Love The Olive Garden When A Guy Likes A Gal Our First Valentine’s Day Say Yes One Last Dance Chocolates And Breadsticks The Gift The Real Thing
Perhaps those might inspire. Then again, Writer has final word.
At first glance, One Last Dance kinda stands out. Or, just: Last Dance
Gonna sleep on that list and see if any others take hold.
Again, thank you!
PaulKWrites.com
60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature
Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
Alrighty... thank you LC, you really spurred me to solve the title problem. And, helped push me past SPARK, which didn't feel all that much better than BLESSING.
I've settled on: FOR NOW
It speaks to the two levels of the script: Jimmy says "we'll be together again someday" but gives his blessing to Adel to be happy now. And, Warren understands "life is short", but also that Adel has loved Jimmy for a long time. His message is: let's just enjoy each other's company while we can. Jimmy agrees.
It's all temporary. All of life is.
PaulKWrites.com
60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature
Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
Just received word this morning that this has been shot and is now in post-production. Haven't seen anything yet. But, I'll share when I can!
PaulKWrites.com
60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature
Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
That's terrific, PK! Really looking forward to seeing it.
Thanks, LC! I'm excited. I'd done a small rewrite back in November for the director. Then, hadn't heard anything. So, it was a surprise to find out it's been shot and is moving along.
I've got more news coming (more shorts)... very fun time for me right now. Many thanks to you and all of my friends here. So happy Gary turned me on to this site! (And, that you turned me on to ScriptRevolution.)
PaulKWrites.com
60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature
Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror
Thanks, Warren. Some day I'll have to learn how to upload an image. But, I'm waiting until I'm smarter.
PaulKWrites.com
60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature
Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror