Bobble-ageddon by A guy clutching at straws - A NASA pilot must overcome a peculiar fear if he is to save Earth from impending doom. 5 pages - Short, Comedy, Sci Fi

Hi writer,

I like the title, and good job on not having horror as one of your genres.

Trying to force the comedy hard from the start with the title page and the BOBBLE IN. Lets hope the script holds up.

Quoted Text HECTOR Seriously, don't do it! Doc come on! I'm trusting you-- DR. NUTT Alright Hector

Doc, come

Alright, Hector

So I thought this was going to be amazing, it had a really strong first page in my opinion then it started to fizzle a bit.

Why was Hector afraid of Bobbleheads? And I get you had to set up for the joke about budget cuts but why on earth would they train Hector in the first place?

I think I get that this is meant to be absurd, but it's too over the top for me.

To me it would have made sense to BOBBLE OUT if that's what you were going for.

The writing is damn good, I'm pretty sure I know who this belongs to.

Comedy is subjective and all that, many may love this. Just too much for me.

High marks for craftsmanship and genre choice.

All the best.

A massive budget, surrealist Armageddon.

Separated from any sense of reality it's hard to care about the stakes and there was nothing that made me laugh, so it all just passed me by.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, comedy is near impossible, so I credit the attempt.

Well, sorry to say but this one just escapes me.
I guess I'm not into this type of sci-fi. I'm not into Starwars and such.
Some of the lines were funny though. The genres are there.

One thing though - you've got only 5 pages. So the problem should be apparent early on to pull us in. I didn't see that happen here.

pg. 1 - ‘…We don’t know why.’ this made me lol
pg. 1 - I can picture the asteroid smashing into the planet happening so suddenly being funny, though I would add some alien dialogue before this, maybe something hopeful, or romantic?
pg. 2 - “The problem is his mind.” funny, over-the-top.
pg. 2 - I like the quickdraw of the bobblehead, funny stuff.
pg. 3 - I like the the non-professional relationship between Dr. Nutt and Hector, it is funny.
pg. 5 - I like the pilot's face turning goofy, could look funny, the twist ending is also very comical.

This was funny and I like the concept a lot. I feel there was room for more comedic lines between the doctor and pilot, especially during the administering of the prescription.

A comedy, huh?  And we start with a BOBBLE IN to show we're in comedy/pisser territory.  OK, I'm onboard, Captain!

Opening Slug is very poor.

"statues" - Statue's"

The SUPER is funny!

You need to learn how to use apostrophes!!!

All the SUPERS are very funny.  We are definitely in Pisserville!

The Flashback doesn't work.  There's some funny shit there, but it's unnecessary.

Slug-use is poor throughout, to the point of being very confusing.

And we fizzle to the end.

There's a story here...and absurd one, but a story.

Characters are absurd and funny.

Dialogue absurd and funny.

Prose not great, Slugs poor.

It's definitely comedy, and it's definitely Sci Fi, and there's definitely a bobblehead.  But for a pisser, it needs to be more redorkulous, IMO.

Bobble In: I laughed.

"We don't know why."   He He. This is fun already.

statues should be statue's

Okay, finished reading. Page one (first half) was hilarious. Unfortunately, for me, it didn't hold through the rest of the script...

The visuals are great. A giant bobblehead statue... awesome. Floating through space... just as awesome.

I would have liked to see you pull that same comedy through the other pages.

For example: a fighter-style space ship. Why? Why, in your world, is the craft so plain? I'm thinking... what would counter a bobblehead? One of those drinking bird toys -- you know, where you tap the bird and it swings down to drink? What kind of ship could be based on something like that? (Just spitballing.) Point is... I wish you would have pulled the visual insanity through the full script.

Still, it was a fun take. REALLY liked the use of the bobblehead. That'll be hard to top.

This started off pretty well with some great opening lines, and then tried to maintain that through the rest of the script, but it was pretty hit and miss after that.

I actually liked this for what it was, a fun take on the Armageddon asteroid calamity type movie. And I thought the ending was actually quite a blast (more or less).

I could just see Randy Quaid speeding away to destroy the asteroid and blowing up the bobble head instead, which actually sounds like something Randy quaid would do.

Was the script 5 star worthy?  Maybe not, but it was a helluva fun ride in my opinion.

Best of luck,
Gary

Through the first page, I thought "Yes! Someone wrote a decent fusion!" But then the dialog and characters derailed me. Definitely some funny moments and good banter but it went just ridiculous. The best character was 'Super' which is sadly not a character at all.

I think this might be one of SS long time writers that scrambled in the 72 hours. Good work, writer!

Well, it made me smile. Some clever lines.
Not big on visual horror but I liked it all the same as it entertained and was witty and a fast read.

Hello writer

I saw BOBBLE IN: then immediately searched the comments to see who crucified you for it... strangely no one. I'm not going to either, it set the tone immediately.

I am heavily biased towards Sci-Fi - So I enjoyed it, it was a fun read and a welcome relief from horror. Another entry where I think the writer probably had some fun writing it.

Also another entry with a strong start which wanes in the middle - a victim of the time restraint I would assume.

Sorry, I don't have anything useful to add - good job, criteria met.

Bobble-ageddon

"a place of visible achievement"

holy cow give us some pathos: Rome is finally built - haha thumbs up, writer

irony galore follows

All right… if this isn't on par with space epics such as Interstellar then I have no clue…

It was funny, sure in parts very juvenile and some humor was very flat, quite repetitive flat, then as a whole, however, it didn't let off the attempt at humor for even one second, what I appreciate.

The presentation was also very clean.

Good job.

Absolutely meets the criteria. I like the opening images. The giant, alien bobblehead being worshiped by the citizens is pretty funny and appropriate.

I like that the writer just let go and had fun writing this. The read is a breeze to get through.

Though the plot is meant to be over the top, a little hard to buy into the jet fighter destroying an asteroid, the single pilot Air Force stuff. And why is he terrified of the bobblhead?

I won't give it high scores, but so far I don't have high scores for any of them, so it won't hurt you. I'm looking for that one story that might stand out, and maybe there won't be one. 72 hours was tough.

But thanks for the light, breezy read!

Hi Writer,

Quoted Text BOBBLE IN:

This absolutely must be a first in the history of screenwriting...

Quoted Text SUPER: Vicarnium - Home of the largest bobblehead statue in the universe. SUPER: ...We don't know why.

This made me chuckle.

Quoted Text We glimpse a large asteroid following in the statues wake.

*statue's

Quoted Text DR. NUTT You don't do this, we all die! And I will personally scour whatever afterlife your fat ass goes to and give you an eternity of suppositories.

A little over the top, isn't it?

Okay, finished. I really enjoyed this one. Original take on the parameters, well written, most of the humor landed... The ending wasn't great but I liked the final punch.

Two thumbs up.

Well done, writer!

Hmm by rights I should love this, right? Comedy dude, absurd situation?

But for some reason - no slight on the writer, great concept - I didn’t laugh at all!  There were no zingers to make it snap. It was just pretty much reaction stuff by Hector. These type of comedies need to be zany crazy from the start- ok the first scene was pretty good. But it fizzled into a nothing sort of story    The ending is quite sad too lol

Anyway good effort but didn’t tickle my funny bone

This made me smile and then laugh, good comedy writing here.

The story lost me a couple of time, but that's probably me.

Was certainly pretty unique.

Good effort

A cute story with a couple of lightweight characters and a big dildo that's about to screw the Earth. A sex comedy is not one of the approved genre fusions, however.

This one might be my favorite thus far. Literally no complaints I can think of. Great, visual writing. It all flowed very well.

A fast, funny read. Nailed the comedy and the sci-fi. Great work here.

Absurd enough to be a sci-fi comedy, nice fusion there. If the government in Brazil (1985) had a space force, it would have sent Hector. Loved the SUPERs, which got all the best lines.

Wow, that first page blew me away. I was set for a good ride, but alas, it fizzled soon after.

The premise is great, it's got the perfect tone, and the characters are good (Hector is great). The dialogue gets into wink-wink-nudge-nudge territory with the witty banter that isn't really witty. You were doing better with playing it straighter and letting the absurdity of the situation carry the comedy.

The flashback was a bit awkward, but it's hard to do it any other way because of the restrictions. You could lose the part about the backup pilot and just stick with the situational comedy, no need to explain why a broken pilot is in space.

I'd also lose the spoiler with the asteroid in the beginning. Show us the bobblehead, and leave the asteroid as the twist it is. Maybe it's a swarm of asteroids, obviously debris from the same planet and no explanation needed.

One of the rare ones that nailed the criteria too. Excellent entry all around.

I like this one.

Meets the criteria easily.

I can see the writer had fun writing this one.  A fun read.

I like the take on the bobblehead angle.  Nice unexpected ending too.

A decent effort... Maybe a B-

Not bad considering those straws you were clutching at.