Just Stop by The Temp - A counseling session gets tense when a patient's husband agrees with everything she says. 5 pages - Short, Comedy, Horror, Action

I think you're on to something here but there's a bit of a disconnect for me in that you made Dr Scott a bobblehead as well as Dwight. I think you should rethink that choice. Be interested what others think re that.

Btw: deep-seeded anger
Should be: deep-seated

Visually this'd be quite funny.  And, I like very much all the wooden / no personality/ caricature dialogue. It worked well.

I wasn't feeling the horror. Horror- lite, though I'm sure if I were Dwight it'd be horrific.

Your denouement results in a very different kind of Bobblehead - a Bobblehead Transformer, you might say.  ;D

P.S. Perhaps you should call this 'Whittled' or 'Whittle Man.'

Code You have some deep-seeded...

deep-seated.


Other than that so far, I like it.

OK. This one works... but is let down by the extra dialogue at the end. Drop the charlatan line. Hold the action on Dwight. When he agrees with her for the final time just have her chop into him. Then move onto the doctor. Have the shavings flying as a frame change, then cut to the dildos and maybe just have her raise one eyebrow or something. The final line isn't very strong.

This is the best I've read so far. This is how you do horror comedy.

Not for me.

No real horror. Just straight comedy.

I think the story would be better reversed, that she wants somene to agree with her and then turns them into a bobbleheaded doll.

Going from the normal to surreal works. The surreal to normal, not so much.

There's not meant to be real horror, it's a horror-comedy. The horror is meant to be funny, not scary. Somebody being stabbed to death in a horror comedy is funny - even if it's gory. Somebody being stabbed to death in a straight horror is horrifying - when done right.

Hello writer

Even before opening it I am worried - you have 3 genres listed (Comedy, Horror, Action) - the parameters were to fuse two together - only two.

Just Stop - or revenge of the dolls? - last minute name change?

Ok - it's not action - no idea why you put that as one of the genres - so you did only fuse the two.

I liked the comedy, to be honest - the ending landed for me.

it was a quick, simple read - well executed, some more of the horror could have come out of this - show more of the suffering/killing of the bobbleheads.

Good job

I found myself chuckling ever so slightly (that's a guffaw for most people), so points for that.

I agree, this one works and could be produced easily and successfully.

But frankly, it's twice as long as it needs to be. Cut half the dialog and focus on the visual gags and you could have a pretty cute short - you already do, but y'know.

Hi writer,

A well written piece, nothing really jumped out at me.

I quite liked the setup, I’ve done something similar in the past, give inanimate objects 'personality', so the comedy worked for me for the most part.

There wasn’t any horror, just a comedy. It's hard to get too invested in the idea that bobblehead dolls are being butchered, funny sure, horrific, not at all.

I also didn’t see any action, I presume that may be a typo considering the story.

Just realised... Scott and Dwight  :)

Quite liked it.

All the best.

Well written. I would have only made the boyfriend a bobble-doll.

If the shrink were a real human, you may also consider her shaving the bobble doll down to a spear and plunging in in the shrink's chest,

Yeah straight up comedy. It isn't hilarious funny but its a nice twist.

I have to meekly raise my hand in the corner and admit...I really, really liked this!

It made me laugh. Several times. And it's hard for a script to make a person laugh.

The images were very good. The bobble shrink and bobble husband.

And things fit. Bobbles seem to always be agreeing with someone! So in this case he always agrees with his wife, which used to be endearing but now has become intolerable. A VERY apt metaphor.

The only problem was criteria. This is straight comedy. A super reach to call this horror or action. That leaves me unsure how to score. I would actually say, to my shock, this is so far my favorite. But without ignoring the fusion requirement(unless we consider doll mutilation horrible), this story would not have been possible.

I think I will subtract one point also from the "story" category. But it will score well enough in other areas to vault into the lead on my board. Thanks for the fun read!

This is one of those ones you laugh at and then feel guilty for doing so. It was fun and silly and mindless, but it was also the shortest one I’ve read so far so bonus points for that!

Probably could cut a few lines here and there and get it down to just three pages. I like the idea that both the Doc and the husband are bobble heads. It might be even sillier to imagine them in a bobble head world where she’s the only human. That might require more exposition than in wanted here.  You could also make everyone a bobble head. That could have been interesting.

Still, liked it for what it was, a fun, breezy read.

Also, out of all the ones I’ve read so far, this might be the easiest to film.

Best of luck,
Gary

I enjoyed this, definitely does well on the comedy scale.

No Action but you had a backup genre ;-)

And I kinda liked the fact that you had two bobbleheads and one person, that alone made me chuckle.

I guess it fills the genre category more or less.
I didnt get the story here and why Dwight was responding being the doll and all.
Him agreeing with her on everything - thats funny.
The story is thin for me though

This could also be filmed without using large Bobbleheads but humans in place. The Bobbleheads could be on a desk or bookshelf and when the husband agrees with an irritating nod of the head, the frame cuts to one of the nodding bobbleheads. Same with the doctor. So, they don't actually need to be bobbleheads to appear as bobbleheads.

This is the best story I've read so far that correctly fuses two genres, and it uses the bobblehead theme to its fullest.

This is the one everyone's talking about. I get why. It's excellent, except for the attempt at horror. The only way the horror would work here is if it was directed at Hayley, or if you spent a lot more time getting us to like Dwight. There is no tension at all because it's a bobblehead.

I could see this easily getting made if you keep with the comedy. It sets up a wonderful world where people and bobbleheads coexist, but there are problems with it. It's also a great allegory for this type of relationship.

Strong writing, great comedy, an okay story as written but the potential for much more.

One of my favourite scripts of the WT.  To me the comedy was nailed, horror on point.  The ending good.  I can’t fault it.

I don't really count this as horror, myself. Won't score it down because of it, so no worries. But, I just don't see the fusion.

That said, this was very well written. Exactly how action blocks should look and read. As a result, it's got great flow.

A few of the lines felt out of place. Ex: the doc commenting on her top. But, overall, it worked.

I can't decide if I like Dwight talking. I kind of like him just nodding through the whole thing. It would give us a sense of what she feels if every single action from him is exactly the same: a nod. I think we, the audience, would be slightly irritated by the end... which would be a great reaction.

I love the concept. Woman gets angry at husband for always agreeing with her. You played that out well. I also like the touch that explains that's what she needed when they first started dating. How many people choose mates for reasons just like that... and see their relationship fall apart when they no longer need the same things? Excellent bit of humanity.

Good job!

Gotta admit, I laughed at the end stinger.

The writing here is solid enough, but this is pure comedy. No action or horror IMO.

Still, a good effort. Think I might know who wrote this one. ;)

Hi Writer,

Well written, funny and with a clever premise.

The horror is light, but I like how you created tension with:

Quoted Text HAYLEY But you do deserve it, don't you, Dwight?

That was a good laugh.

I don't have much left to say. I enjoyed it for what it is.

It'd be easy to film. Hope it gets made.

Good job,
David

Horror is a genre of speculative fiction which is intended to frighten, scare, disgust, or startle its readers by inducing feelings of horror and terror. Literary historian J. A. Cuddon defined the horror story as "a piece of fiction in prose of variable length... which shocks, or even frightens the reader, or perhaps induces a feeling of repulsion or loathing". - from Wiki

Violently murdering her husband and the doctor is fairly startling, maybe even shocking... but this is a horror comedy so you're not supposed to take it seriously.

The irony of replacing a yes-man husband for a dildo is also noteworthy.

Funny. But why was Hayley seeking help from a bobble? She must know by now that all they're good for is agreeing with you.

Quoted from Spqr Funny. But why was Hayley seeking help from a bobble? She must know by now that all they're good for is agreeing with you.

That was the point. She married someone that always agreed with her, like a bobblehead, but then she outgrew that.

Quoted from leitskev That was the point. She married someone that always agreed with her, like a bobblehead, but then she outgrew that.

His point is a fair one.

We have a fantasy world where bobbleheads clearly exist and are accepted.

All they can do is agree.

So why would anyone go to  see a bobblehead psychiatrist when you already know that all they can do is agree?

I mean, it's just a one gag script, so we can't really take it too seriously, but still, the central plot/premise makes little sense.

If I had a script in this thing, I'd likely agree. However, the story is not meant to be taken seriously at all. Meaning that the Bobbleheads are merely symbolic of a certain type of man. That the psychiatrist happened to be of that type of man too is coincidental within the story framework. I don't think all men are Bobbleheads. Sometimes, one just gets unlucky and meets two at once... and this can be enough to drive a woman to murder... and carve them into dildos.

I can't say it better than Dustin here, so I'll just say ditto.

Last one of the bunch...did I save a good one for my last read?  Let's see...

And, once again, we open with the same generic Slug.  Argh!!!

"Drums her fingers on the arm rest. Clearly annoyed." - Lose the period and connect these two ideas with a comma.

Hmmm, 2 real bobbleheads...like life sized?

Hmmm.  I read the feedback and seems like most of everyone loves this.  I wish I could agree, but I can't.

I see the humor here for sure, and I see the absurdity, and absurdity is usually funny.  For me, it's not very funny.

I think it's a great idea, and there's real thought that went into this, as bobbleheads are used in a way that only bobleheads could be used, but for me, it's missing something...or alot of things.

Hard for me to see any horror here, but I guess the horror is just plain comedy, which I guess meets the challenge.

Story - It's OK.  There is story here and I appreciate that.

Characters - Yeah, these are definite characters and effective characters for what they're supposed to be.

Dialogue - It's good.  It's funny.

Prose - Good.

Criteria - I'll give it a Y.

All in all, probably the best entry, as it's memorable and thought went into it.  Personally, I don't love it, but I'll give kudos where they're due, and I think they're due here.

Just Stop

almost a minus for title not in courier 12 pt but hell the logline was truly all right

okay… well, it's far too abstract for my taste. The presentation was very tidy though.

As a story execution, it just feels you had the necessity to go with something, anything, and I even appreciate you accomplished a script. 72 hours and we all had to run. On a positive note, it was also quite honest to keep the line of the script and not do fancy things to make it a wannabe and jump in other areas to try more, when the basement just wasn't given - Kind of taken back and humble of you --- Solid but not truly substantial.

Goofy comedy written well, but if these are dolls then there is no horror element. If she's hallucinating and they're really human, then the end result of the killing would... not suit her needs.

Really decent writing with this one. Enjoyed the read but questioned the bobble-doc. Another off the wall and nonsensical story except this one worked for me. The ending was the clincher, otherwise it would've just been meh. Good work, writer.

Reading Frank's comment...yeah, that could have been a really cool way to do this and make it horror. What is SHE saw them as bobbleheads, but was hallucinating, and at the end when she kills them we see they were real! Lol, I need to cut back on the coffee. But that seems like an interesting idea.

Quoted from leitskev Reading Frank's comment...yeah, that could have been a really cool way to do this and make it horror. What is SHE saw them as bobbleheads, but was hallucinating, and at the end when she kills them we see they were real! Lol, I need to cut back on the coffee. But that seems like an interesting idea.

I agree with Kevin and Frank. That would have been a Hell of a twist ending.

Writer,

I liked the premise of this, and I appreciate the ending, but it's just silly. I had a hard time getting past page one -- I was trying to wrap my head around the fact that the Dr. was a bobblehead too. That kinda threw me off, but I went with it. The dialogue didn't do much for me, either. I'd say this one should have been written (again?) before submitting.

Steve