The Red Weed by H. G. Wells - When a mysterious flora takes over the planet, one survivor will do anything to stay alive. - Short, Horror

This was a reasonably atmospheric attempt, in the vein of I am Legend.

I wasn't a massive fan of the central character. Her use of large military equipment didn't feel realistic. If you'd given her more of a character introduction hinting at military expertise, or emphasised her physical strength or something, it might have been slightly more 'buyable'.

The red weed people worked very well, though. You can imagine them easily.

Overall, I quite liked it, but I feel like based on the criteria I'd have to score it quite lowly. Obviously, hand sanitiser doesn't work against spores, only bacteria, so the central premise didn't work at all. As it was used as something other than what it actually is..either a weed or spore killer...I'd say this is a fail in terms of the criteria. I'd also say the dialogue and characters category would be lowly. So, in terms of the competition it's a bit of a fail, which is a shame as it's not bad by any means.

There's no flow here... it's reading like a shopping list of actions. Very difficult read. I appreciate polishing comes last. Well done for getting something in... but was it really worth the hassle? I suppose, that's for you to decide.

Ooh, vicious ending.

Gatling gun btw, one T. I'm presuming this is a makeshift weapon? Nice choice.

I liked this. The quiet atmosphere and build up was terrific. A hybrid of I Am Legend & The Last Of Us.
A little plodding in parts but you kept my attention with a style of writing I like. Structure was a little off with the shock ending. I would have continued the idea you started with when quick movement grabs Nicholle's (Nicole?) attention - have that character pursue her in the shadows to an ultimate showdown. Then it would seem personal instead of a little removed.

You need to change this deadly mutant thing to a bacteria for the Sanitizer to be effective but even then...I can't help thinking that outside of this challenge it might seem a bit silly.

Good job, writer.

Really good work.

First a quibble.

She drops the bucket at the edge of a vegetable garden. She picks up the lone remaining glove and frowns, scans the ground.

This should be, in any sane universe, "scanning the ground". But there is this strange phenomena where screenwriters have been taught(unfortunately) that any 'ing' verb is "passive writing" and must be eradicated from existence. No one would write like this outside of the screen world. This results in people that sweat instead of sweating or sit instead of sitting. It's absurd, and it actually does not help the writing.

Sorry about the outburst. Because this is very well written. It was a pleasure to read. It's amazing how much more talented the writers that hang here have become.

I liked pretty much all of this. An excellent take on the parameters, the MC living in a crashed plane.

The hand sanitizer probably would not work on something as deadly and pervasive as this fungus, but as it is a fictional fungus, who knows what will kill it. For the purposes of a story, it could be anything. It could be Vicks Vapor Rub. You used what you were given in the criteria and came out with a very good story.

My favorite part was when the fungal zombies wake up in the tunnel.

I don't think you can cut your arm off with a machete, but with only 5 pages to work with, I'll suspend disbelief. Very nice work!

This was very well done. You took on quite the challenge, so kudos for that.

The parameters were definitely met. I buy the use of the hand sanitizer with no questions.

Very interesting world and setup here. I was more fascinated by the red weed than I was the red weed people... but, that's personal. I hate zombies, and red weed people feel like zombies. Though, good job making your zombie take original.

But, for me, I'd have liked to see the story played straight: her personal battle versus the red weed. That said, that's not the story YOU wanted to tell, and I'd never mark down for a personal choice like that.

As for dialogue... "I'm sorry." and "Fuck." Both lines are well-written :)

I kid.

My dialogue score will reflect the use/non-use of dialogue. The story worked, so I'll score it accordingly.

Good job overall. Thanks for sharing.

You put some time and effort into this.  A lot of ink on the page.  Not in a bad way. You just have a lot going on... plus you can’t have her constantly talking to herself .

Personally I would like to know how the weed came to be....of course 5 pages don’t give you a lot of time.  Did someone try to mutate some Cambodian Red with Kudzu . Lol

It was a fascinating story for sure.  The use of the sanitizer was pretty darn good. You could feel the sense of urgency she had.

Hacking her own arm off . Lol.   One tough lady ... They birth children so I’ll buy it.   Probably should had her cauterize the wound.  Minor potatoes .

Nothing I can really say to help you improve your writing.  My inexperienced eyes really didn’t catch anything . It kept me reading to the end. Well done .

This was detailed and competently written though very cliched - its your typical post apocalyptic setting ( prolly needs a SUPER saying when in the future it is).

Not a lot of horror here, mainly action or thriller I guess, but I won’t ping you for that lol. The HS and the aircraft are sort of shoehorned in as they don’t affect the story at all.

The final scene seemed to just thrown for some shock value but it reads almost comical.

Good effort though as this was a tough challenge

Loved this. The "I am Legend" kind of atmosphere worked very well. The red weed people felt real. I can easily imagine them. However I am not sure about the use of sanitizer. But then at last she had to cut her arm, so I guess sanitizer failed against red weed. If it is the case than its realistic imo. Very well written script. Also cutting the arm reminded me a scene from World War Z. :)

Hmmm...

So War of the Worlds is normally considered SciFi, but this definitely has horror elements as well and I like what you've done with  it... always loved the possibilities of the red weed, so good job.

Action flows smoothly and it's not always easy to do that with just one  character, but you handle it well in the environment.

Good effort

Hi writer,

That was a breezy read, nothing pulled me out. A relatively standard post-apocalyptic story with the criteria used quite well.

Not too sure how to score the dialogue for this one...

SPOILERS Maybe

I didn’t care for the ending, it was so abrupt and derailed an almost flawless story. Clearly you were fighting the 5 page limit, but this whole section needs to be extended:

Quoted Text She picks up a machete and hacks off her arm below the elbow in one smooth motion. She bites back her scream and wraps the wound tightly with linen. The linen is instantly soaked with blood. She puts her severed arm into a plastic bag and ties it tightly with her teeth and one remaining hand before tossing it out the door. Satisfied, she picks up the gardening bucket and exits the plane.

All the best.

Criteria met, no problems there.  

This feels like a part of a larger story — like it was literally some scenes yanked from a feature. There’s no real beginning and end to it.  We know nothing about her, why she’s not infected, what the red weed is, or what ultimately happens with her.

Sparse, almost non-existent dialogue makes it somewhat intriguing, although makes it’s tough to grade this for dialogue. But the writing is very visual and full of action.

Overall a mixed bag for me but I did enjoy reading.

Best of luck,
Gary

Entertaining and well written, but there was nothing new in this zombie survival tale. The speed with which Nicolle chopped off her arm suggests that this is one contingency she’d gone over in her mind many times. Just being nit-picky, but why wasn’t she wearing more layers of protection out in red weed world?

Well written for the most part - a nit issue - but too many of the action blocks started with "she" - try shaking that up a bit.

Great job in world building - really set the vibe here.

The story felt as if it was just starting when it ended. Hope that makes sense.

A solid effort

Interesting story.  A nice spin on the predictable stories like my own.  I like this world you've created.  The one complaint I'd have is the lack any activity.  It took until page four before it really started to get somewhere.  I really thing this story could easily be expanded and grow.

I like the use of HS.

Melted slag made me smile.

This meets the criteria for me.

Hello writer

H.G. Wells, we shall see lol

Alright, very good - just read the whole thing through. It kept my attention as I really enjoyed the story.

Good world building, reminded me of I Am Legend. The red weed is interesting, I would quite like to see this developed as a full blown feature - really fleshing out the origins of this weed and her battle to survive in this harsh world.

I think the writing itself could be changed up slightly to heighten tension and hit key scene beats - It was a bit mundane in the sense of it's like "this happens, then this happens" - Don't get me wrong, I can't do it lol - the last scene is a good example, this is a tense moment where she has to chop off her own arm to survive but it's so rushed it reeds as if she is doing something as mundane as cutting her fingernails - I think you squeezed this in to the 5 pages though to be fair.

High marks from me though, I really enjoyed it.

Not bad. Definitely got a heavy Days Gone vibe while reading this.

Very good, visual writing on display. You totally had me along for the ride.

Good use of the plane and sanitizer, and although I didn't find anything to be particularly scary, it's definitely still horror.

Not really a story here, though. Just a sequence of events leading to a (unbelievable) scene where Nicolle cuts off her arm. Feel like it was a bit too easy for her to do that.

Still, excellent writing here. I liked it. :)

After reading three stories here and all three without a central character I got my spirits high seeing yours.
The beginning is very promising, it seems like build up to a good drama. The small action though pulled me out of the read multiple times.
Then I realized it's not an easy read. It was going on and on without my story or so I thought.
You do have an ending that means something and picked up my interest but it's the ending which means it came at the end.
Don't mind me, see what the others say but I won't applaud this effort.

Two lines of dialog but worthy. No need for unnecessary lines when she's all alone. Good job.

Can't say the story was striking in any way. It seemed a combination of many other stories already told. Nice touch with the lead being female (girl power!) and her tools of choice.

Criteria met, no issues there. Character development was okay, and dialog, as mentioned, was rationed nicely.

Good job.

The Red Weed

Oh,
H.G. Wells…
don't be so modest.

cap the figure and break up the action block

yeah, you tried to fix the genre problem at the end, I see - still a SF, just some dark elements we'd see in all those dystopia survival movies.

No worries though, I'm so confused of all these action adventures and SFs that I let them all pass. Stupid of me since it should have been the most important criteria. I just understood the rules now that the same sanitizer usage people will defend their group and the SF people will, so on and so on. And damn would I wish for a real horror group in hindsight who plays it hard… None. So, won't hold that against you, I swear. Nice world-building. You seem to have had fun writing this. The read was slow, felt overwritten in places. The girl was okay, liked her. Maybe I was just disappointed to not get a horror movie for another time.
Soooo, nice story.