The Red Weed by H. G. Wells - When a mysterious flora takes over the planet, one survivor will do anything to stay alive. - Short, Horror

This was a reasonably atmospheric attempt, in the vein of I am Legend.

I wasn't a massive fan of the central character. Her use of large military equipment didn't feel realistic. If you'd given her more of a character introduction hinting at military expertise, or emphasised her physical strength or something, it might have been slightly more 'buyable'.

The red weed people worked very well, though. You can imagine them easily.

Overall, I quite liked it, but I feel like based on the criteria I'd have to score it quite lowly. Obviously, hand sanitiser doesn't work against spores, only bacteria, so the central premise didn't work at all. As it was used as something other than what it actually is..either a weed or spore killer...I'd say this is a fail in terms of the criteria. I'd also say the dialogue and characters category would be lowly. So, in terms of the competition it's a bit of a fail, which is a shame as it's not bad by any means.

There's no flow here... it's reading like a shopping list of actions. Very difficult read. I appreciate polishing comes last. Well done for getting something in... but was it really worth the hassle? I suppose, that's for you to decide.

Ooh, vicious ending.

Gatling gun btw, one T. I'm presuming this is a makeshift weapon? Nice choice.

I liked this. The quiet atmosphere and build up was terrific. A hybrid of I Am Legend & The Last Of Us.
A little plodding in parts but you kept my attention with a style of writing I like. Structure was a little off with the shock ending. I would have continued the idea you started with when quick movement grabs Nicholle's (Nicole?) attention - have that character pursue her in the shadows to an ultimate showdown. Then it would seem personal instead of a little removed.

You need to change this deadly mutant thing to a bacteria for the Sanitizer to be effective but even then...I can't help thinking that outside of this challenge it might seem a bit silly.

Good job, writer.

Really good work.

First a quibble.

She drops the bucket at the edge of a vegetable garden. She picks up the lone remaining glove and frowns, scans the ground.

This should be, in any sane universe, "scanning the ground". But there is this strange phenomena where screenwriters have been taught(unfortunately) that any 'ing' verb is "passive writing" and must be eradicated from existence. No one would write like this outside of the screen world. This results in people that sweat instead of sweating or sit instead of sitting. It's absurd, and it actually does not help the writing.

Sorry about the outburst. Because this is very well written. It was a pleasure to read. It's amazing how much more talented the writers that hang here have become.

I liked pretty much all of this. An excellent take on the parameters, the MC living in a crashed plane.

The hand sanitizer probably would not work on something as deadly and pervasive as this fungus, but as it is a fictional fungus, who knows what will kill it. For the purposes of a story, it could be anything. It could be Vicks Vapor Rub. You used what you were given in the criteria and came out with a very good story.

My favorite part was when the fungal zombies wake up in the tunnel.

I don't think you can cut your arm off with a machete, but with only 5 pages to work with, I'll suspend disbelief. Very nice work!

This was very well done. You took on quite the challenge, so kudos for that.

The parameters were definitely met. I buy the use of the hand sanitizer with no questions.

Very interesting world and setup here. I was more fascinated by the red weed than I was the red weed people... but, that's personal. I hate zombies, and red weed people feel like zombies. Though, good job making your zombie take original.

But, for me, I'd have liked to see the story played straight: her personal battle versus the red weed. That said, that's not the story YOU wanted to tell, and I'd never mark down for a personal choice like that.

As for dialogue... "I'm sorry." and "Fuck." Both lines are well-written

I kid.

My dialogue score will reflect the use/non-use of dialogue. The story worked, so I'll score it accordingly.

Good job overall. Thanks for sharing.

You put some time and effort into this.  A lot of ink on the page.  Not in a bad way. You just have a lot going on... plus you can’t have her constantly talking to herself .

Personally I would like to know how the weed came to be....of course 5 pages don’t give you a lot of time.  Did someone try to mutate some Cambodian Red with Kudzu . Lol

It was a fascinating story for sure.  The use of the sanitizer was pretty darn good. You could feel the sense of urgency she had.

Hacking her own arm off . Lol.   One tough lady ... They birth children so I’ll buy it.   Probably should had her cauterize the wound.  Minor potatoes .

Nothing I can really say to help you improve your writing.  My inexperienced eyes really didn’t catch anything . It kept me reading to the end. Well done .

This was detailed and competently written though very cliched - its your typical post apocalyptic setting ( prolly needs a SUPER saying when in the future it is).

Not a lot of horror here, mainly action or thriller I guess, but I won’t ping you for that lol. The HS and the aircraft are sort of shoehorned in as they don’t affect the story at all.

The final scene seemed to just thrown for some shock value but it reads almost comical.

Good effort though as this was a tough challenge

Loved this. The "I am Legend" kind of atmosphere worked very well. The red weed people felt real. I can easily imagine them. However I am not sure about the use of sanitizer. But then at last she had to cut her arm, so I guess sanitizer failed against red weed. If it is the case than its realistic imo. Very well written script. Also cutting the arm reminded me a scene from World War Z.

Hmmm...

So War of the Worlds is normally considered SciFi, but this definitely has horror elements as well and I like what you've done with  it... always loved the possibilities of the red weed, so good job.

Action flows smoothly and it's not always easy to do that with just one  character, but you handle it well in the environment.

Good effort

Hi writer,

That was a breezy read, nothing pulled me out. A relatively standard post-apocalyptic story with the criteria used quite well.

Not too sure how to score the dialogue for this one...

SPOILERS Maybe

I didn’t care for the ending, it was so abrupt and derailed an almost flawless story. Clearly you were fighting the 5 page limit, but this whole section needs to be extended:

Quoted Text She picks up a machete and hacks off her arm below the elbow in one smooth motion. She bites back her scream and wraps the wound tightly with linen. The linen is instantly soaked with blood. She puts her severed arm into a plastic bag and ties it tightly with her teeth and one remaining hand before tossing it out the door. Satisfied, she picks up the gardening bucket and exits the plane.

All the best.

Criteria met, no problems there.  

This feels like a part of a larger story — like it was literally some scenes yanked from a feature. There’s no real beginning and end to it.  We know nothing about her, why she’s not infected, what the red weed is, or what ultimately happens with her.

Sparse, almost non-existent dialogue makes it somewhat intriguing, although makes it’s tough to grade this for dialogue. But the writing is very visual and full of action.

Overall a mixed bag for me but I did enjoy reading.

Best of luck,
Gary

Entertaining and well written, but there was nothing new in this zombie survival tale. The speed with which Nicolle chopped off her arm suggests that this is one contingency she’d gone over in her mind many times. Just being nit-picky, but why wasn’t she wearing more layers of protection out in red weed world?

Well written for the most part - a nit issue - but too many of the action blocks started with "she" - try shaking that up a bit.

Great job in world building - really set the vibe here.

The story felt as if it was just starting when it ended. Hope that makes sense.

A solid effort

Interesting story.  A nice spin on the predictable stories like my own.  I like this world you've created.  The one complaint I'd have is the lack any activity.  It took until page four before it really started to get somewhere.  I really thing this story could easily be expanded and grow.

I like the use of HS.

Melted slag made me smile.

This meets the criteria for me.