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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Short Drama Scripts  /  Forsaken
Posted by: Don, January 19th, 2020, 7:09pm
Forsaken by AJ Lovell - Short, Drama - A young mans heart is breaking after his girlfriend leaves him, his Father hatches a plan to help. 5 pages

contest: Winner of the SWN short script award 2020 - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Posted by: JohnMcCarthy, January 31st, 2020, 5:40pm; Reply: 1
This is a very sweet (if sad) story. Very nicely told. If there were any formatting or spelling issues I missed them. Well done!
Posted by: AndyJ, February 1st, 2020, 8:20am; Reply: 2

Quoted from JohnMcCarthy
This is a very sweet (if sad) story. Very nicely told. If there were any formatting or spelling issues I missed them. Well done!


Thanks for the read and the compliment. I have changed the names and waiting to upload the new version. I just felt the names are too similar.

Posted by: Yuvraj, March 14th, 2020, 12:24pm; Reply: 3
Hello AJ,

Gave this one a read.

There are some punctuations missing. Some grammatical errors too.

A bit confused at the ending though. I hope you will care to explain that to me. I'll wait.

Peace.
Posted by: AndyJ, March 14th, 2020, 5:47pm; Reply: 4

Quoted from Yuvraj
Hello AJ,

Gave this one a read.

There are some punctuations missing. Some grammatical errors too.

A bit confused at the ending though. I hope you will care to explain that to me. I'll wait.

Peace.


What confused you?
Posted by: Yuvraj, March 15th, 2020, 2:22am; Reply: 5

Quoted from AndyJ


What confused you?


The last two scenes.

What to figure out about LOUISE been in her bed and BRAD suddenly feeling better about his break up?
Posted by: AndyJ, March 15th, 2020, 8:55am; Reply: 6

Quoted from Yuvraj


The last two scenes.

What to figure out about LOUISE been in her bed and BRAD suddenly feeling better about his break up?


I'm actually not even going to bother, I'll give you a clue though... no one broke up
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