Killer of the Year by Zodiac - Angel Hair Pasta, Disc Jockey, Awards Show - Short, Fantasy

Inventive script!  The beauty of the fantasy genre is that you can pretty much write anything and you hardly have to any shoehorning. There is a little SHing here with the angel hair pasta lol but we can overlook that.

POSSIBLE SPOILER

Wasn't sure on the ending. So Johnny was still alive? Why was the bust at the woman's house?

Anyway this was pretty wild and written well.

Alrighty then, It's a fantasy and I often worry that stories like this would be to hard to digest with/without the backstory, but it wasn't the case here. There's strong imagination in your writing. Very clean and easy to read. I enjoyed it. Not here to nit-pick. No suggestions. I assume Johnny died at the end. Good luck with it.-ghostiegirl.

Hugely ambitious and creative. I think the central idea of exploring two killers lives and showing one fueled by nurture while the other obviously nature is a great idea.  

The mechanism you choose to do this is what lets it down. A huge hanger filled with killer spirits, a DJ and an angel? I'm not sure what the point of all this is and why an angel would be there to help celebrate the killer of the year.

The ending I don't understand. Was Johnny alive all along? Was it a dream? Did he get killed by spaghetti Hitler? I dunno!

I love the central idea, the execution needs work in my opinion but you did well to come up with this in 72 hours.

-Mark

This was awesome. What a freakin great idea. And the DJ's dialog was great. Funny how he kept questioning why he was still there.

I lol'd at why they use angel hair pasta.

Writing was so good.

But...the end confused me. I thought Johnny was already dead. Well...whatever. I really enjoyed it. Nice job, writer!!

So there's Oscars but here you have Killer of the Year reward.

Nice idea.
And good use of the criteria.

I think you could take it even further maybe. Show both in action, make them come across each other or something. I'm just missing action from your main characters.
But it's a good thing that I want more - it shows that the set up, i.e. your main idea works.

Anyway good work.

Fantasy? I thought that's how decisions were made in limbo! Kidding. Pretty damn creative little story here. The good parts definitely out weigh the eye-rolls. Nailed the theme too - good job.

Like the others, I expected Johnny Bonds to be dead and in the hangar with the rest of the souls in limbo. The ending of Johnny eating the meatball and dying was a big rim-shot. Curtain down and laugh track.

Otherwise, a fun read.

I missed the genre to start with so a Hangar rising up through the clouds threw me until I went and checked ;-)

Loved the pasta inclusion, definitely made me chuckle.

Well written and I enjoyed... just the ending let this down for me as it didn't seem to fit with what had been setup.

Decent effort.

What a hoot! I can't believe you found a way to weave those parameters into something that worked. The DJ was hilarious. The setting, awesome (even if you did cheat -- how can we know this is where WW2 pilots souls were held here?).

And, Killer of the Year awards is enough to make this work, all by itself.

Good job. Thanks for the laughs.

Whew! Overload. You certainly packed a lot in five pages.

A bit too much telling in descriptive passages.
Highly imaginative and clearly you had fun concocting this.

I'm not a big Fantasy fan so clearly not your target audience, but you did good.

Title and the writer's name - go hand in hand. Intriguing.

It is jam packed. Visual carnage also can be seen here. Surely, an awards show better not telecasted.

Good luck.

Hi,

I hate DJs. I loathe them. And the fact that one is permanently in limbo fills me with great joy. I thought the story was doing great right until the end, it confused me.
Well written and thoroughly enjoyable.

Well done.

Angel Hair Pasta, Disc Jockey, Awards Show - Short, Fantasy

I'm glad I didn't get that selection

this is a tricky one to consider, but its clear this was a creative effort which stands out - well done.

story wise, there's a trophy/award for evil killer of the year half way to heaven run by a DJ who's not allowed up. part of me says, interesting, part of me find sit unappealing. especially when run by someone who wants to be elsewhere, but I get the conflict point.

I suppose the suggestion with Johnny is that evil was in existence despite an adequate family. that would have Been interesting to explore more fully. and despite the slapstick nature of the script it could have had an intriguing element

who is worse - one born into an evil environment, or one emerging from what 'appears' to be a sound environment.

is one who is abused and then kills, better than one who just killed

good creativity for the short period

Clever and inventive.  No nitpicks here. Well...okay. Just one.
Considering most of all these evil folks are going to hell... Why not have it in hell?
Having the DJ taken part in payola was kind of funny.  


well done. high marks.
checked all the boxes.

I think your first scene location would be better as HANGER, HALF WAY TO HEAVEN doesn't work for me. And then maybe the halfway to heaven would be better served as a SUPER.

Quoted Text The cavernous space which once held the souls of World War II airmen transiting to heaven now holds HUNDREDS OF SEMICORPOREAL SPIRITS. These are among the most despicable people on Earth and their translucent representations reek of evil.

Almost none of this is visual and wouldn't translate to the screen. It seems better suited in a novel. How do we know they were WW2 airmen, how do we know they were transiting to heaven, how do we know they are among the most despicable people, and what does reeking of evil look like. Without a visual supporting this it makes no sense. I'm all for a good aside that supports the visual, but this doesn't work.

The dialogue is heavy on exposition.

A five page script that feels a lot longer because of how dense it is on the page.

Not for me this one.

Nicely written, inventive, I don't have a problem with the elements, very creative way of blending them in.

There's certainly the attempt at theme here. If Nika is a dream and was never alive, then Johnny imagines that there are those who kill because they have to, because of their circumstances. If that's what you're going for, then you nailed it, however I don't see that on screen.

I'm with the others in that the ending seems wasted. We know he's a killer. And we're witnessing either a flashback to one of his murders, OR, he's alive, having dreamed the awards, and we're on his journey with him. Either way, the scene is passive. You sacrificed the "happening" for the pasta bust of Hitler. I don't know what the story is "about" or what you're trying to say. With a realization from Johnny? This would tie in the theme and vault to great.

Nice job -

AJR