Hi Bryce
Just off the top...
Quoted Text BEGIN OPENING CREDITS. FADE IN:
EXT. ROAD NEAR A HIGH SCHOOL - EARLY MORNING (NEAR SUNRISE)
We're CLOSE to the road, MOVING VERY FAST... We SLOWLY PAN UP
to find our hero - GREG STEPHENSON (16), running down the
road in his sweats. He's breathing good, a seasoned runner...
It's quiet here, peaceful. Morning dew has formed on the
grass. There's a light mist in the air. Some morning sounds.
Greg, light on his feet, keeps running - FASTER and FASTER... |
- Leave out the BEGIN OPENING CREDITS. That's for the filmmakers to sort out.
- Just SCHOOL. In your opening sentence, you telling us we CLOSE to the road. No need to cap CLOSE. Same for MOVING VERY FAST.
- EARLY MORNING (NEAR SUNRISE) No. DAY or NIGHT. If it's important to express a more particular time, as you wanting to do here. Go with DAWN. If it's important for the reader to know it was sunrise? You could mention that in your opening sentence. Eg; The sunrise casts on the road?
- FADE IN: Is written far left margin. And, FADE OUT: Will be far-right margin.
- Leave out directing ~ SLOW PAN UP. Again, that's for the filmmakers.
- Screenwriting is visual. We write to show and not tell. Write only what can be shown (filmed). In your opening paragraph, the following can't be filmed: Hero, light on his feet. I can see what you want to show us is, Creg is a passionate, determined track field runner. It's quiet, peaceful, dew forming on the grass, does not support the that. Furthermore, you told us its sunrise, so yes it would be quiet, peaceful, and there be dew on the grass. Leave it out.
I'd go with...
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL - DAWN
CREG STEPHENSON (16), We see him running down the road in his sweats. He picks up the pace. He's breathing is rhythmic. He's looking good. He's clearly a seasoned runner... (Short and to the point)
I hope this has helped some.
All the best.