They Speak to Me at Midnight by Rob Herzog - Short, Horror - A man gets disturbing messages from things that aren't alive. 6 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

I like the story concept and it twisted its way into an ending I did not expect. My only feedback would be to tighten the ending and add in additional visual clues. Justin is clearly off to kill someone, but that might not translate to the screen with him just standing at the gate holding knives. Maybe add in a couple visuals that hints to his macabre intentions:

EXT. BACK YARD - NIGHT

Justin scrapes the two knives against each other. Metal on metal. The shrill noise echoes.

JUSTIN
(whispers)
Cut, cut, slash.

He walks to the gate. The night wind blows. Cool and eerie.

Across the street -- he notices a FEMALE NEIGHBOR sitting on her porch, texting on her phone.

Justin grips the knives tighter. His face contorts into a twisted smile.

                                                                                                                    FADE OUT:

But like I said, it was an otherwise great read. Well done!

Good suggestion, Chris S. I like it.

Hi Rob,

It took me a while to understand that the guy was actually going nuts, hearing things and all and that he was a killer(assuming that the guy had killed before). Obviously, he sounds crazy. He lost his wife/GF(woman in the picture).

But the point is it all sounds well and good until the ending happens if it were clearer and stronger in the depiction that he's gonna kill someone. Something more visual. The ending would have been somewhat more impactful. Just a friendly suggestion.

Good luck.