A Sea of Stars by Elliot - Hope for rescue is all that's left for two people in the middle of the ocean. Location: Body of water
Object: Item of advanced or electronic technology. Short, Sci Fi

Nice, very nice!

I think I get what it was about but not entirely sure, and that perhaps was your intention. But I really liked it nonetheless. Solid writing that kept me interested throughout.

Really good work.

Very nice. I couldn't figure out the need for the three "stars" that showed up, since Karen and David got to their own ship safely, so are they the bad guys? Was it a Gray who wounded David? There's a good sci-fi movie here.

Beautifully written 3 pages - I got a little confused on the 4th - had to read it a few times.

You are very vivid writer - I enjoyed reading this

I got a little confused at the end... I assume they're aliens? Other than that, this was very well written. And even though I was a little confused at the end, I still liked what I think the twist was suggesting. Good stuff.

-- Michael

Great writing and thoroughly enjoyed it (even tough I've no idea what the ending means). I think I'll reread again in case I missed something but, regardless, really great writing.

Like the writing a lot. Atmosphere was great and the beginning of the mystery was intriguing. But, I've read it twice and hove no idea what happened.

Gonna echo the others and say that I enjoyed this one very much... Until I had no idea what was happening. Looking forward to hearing an explanation for this one's ending.

Still, some serious creativity here. Good work. :)

At first I thought, ooh, bit dense, but it was a compelling and beautiful read.

Is the MAN a clone?
Dutch pirates?

They are not of this world?
I confess to ignorance...

But I loved it.

Liked the writing here. Not sure about ending here. It went over my head. Decent effort, though.

Minimalist dialogue and some really great descriptive writing but I'm sorry I just don't get it. I'm sure if the story was expanded I would understand it better.
Well done.

This has a sort of Life of Pi, crossed with Ray Bradbury, vibe to it and I like it.

Not sure I fully get the ending, but still very well written.

Didn't get this one. However the writing is pretty good.

As per everyone else, I enjoyed the read and I love the intrigue you create by having the two avoid rescue and then reveal that these may not be human after all.

I also don't get the ending. Why did three stars move overhead? Are they rescue ships? If so, why did something enormous appear underwater?

All you needed was a little more to make it clearer. Excellent effort that just needs another draft to polish off.

Great writing, put me right there with them. Intrigue was peaked when they hid from a boat that could have rescued them, clearly they didn't want to be and I wanted to know why... I don;t understand why though, I am probably being a bit slow but I don;t understand the ending, sorry about that.

Great story up until that point though and I am eager to hear what the ending is about.

Great work

I think I got it. But, the three stars add a layer of confusion. If the three just jump into the water, then it feels clear that they have entered a submerged alien ship, right? But, the three stars add an element that calls for some sort of explanation.

Overall, though, this is very well written. Definitely keeps you engaged through the read.

Thanks for sharing.

Very visual and well written..

I was with it up until the end..

"The man looked like David" I thought this was another time travel script but then they jumped in the ocean... and become Stars or Aliens.

Very confusing ending which is a pity for a very good short

This is a beautifully written script. We don't get all the details, but a full story is told nonetheless. I felt like I was on the boat with them. Impressive.

Hi writer,

Quoted Text tiller slightly, leans back against the gunwale

No idea what a tiller or gunwale are.

Good writing on display but I'm completely lost. I didn't really get what I was looking at with a bit of the action on the first page and then the ending threw me.

Another where the writer will need to weigh in after the challenge.

All the best.

A good job of establishing how uncomfortable the wait is, but it takes up so much of the four pages that we don't know what the aliens were up to, or if there will be any consequences for humanity for mistreating this guest.

Karen is from another planet. This adds some much-needed context around all the Karening in America :)

Small nit: "They don't come back up." isn't necessary, it's unlikely that the director would linger on this shot long enough for the audience to wonder how these characters held their breath so long.

Good effort!

Writer,

I hate to guess, but perhaps they're aliens. I don't read comments first, but had to here, then read again, which I also try to never do. I feel this one deserved another go. Atmospheric, especially at night. It's like the alien crew from Cocoon were left adrift awaiting rescue. If it has something do do with that premise, then I liked this alot. Good job!

Steve

I liked the atmosphere and the writing. I'm lost as to what was happening so it doesn't pack the same punch it could. Like with them hiding from the fishing boat, I think it needs some explanation. I guess they don't want to be seen by humans cuz they're aliens? But we don't know what the stakes are here. Might be I'm missing something really obvious though.

Good title. A deft hand at work with both writing and tone. Loved the twist with them avoiding the fishing boat - solid intrigue.  Even better when the Man looks exactly like David.

So they’re not looking for ‘rescue’ or land as such, but heading to a specific place in the ocean and for some reason they want to avoid detection.  I just wish I understood the intent as I’m not sure what/where it was exactly they were trying to get to or what it all meant.

An afterlife perhaps? Or a vessel beneath the water?  Maybe I’m missing something but it just feels too ambiguous an ending to pull it all together.  Such an intriguing set-up but it just didn't quite deliver on the payoff for me.  But then, maybe I've misread it?  Keen to hear the writer's intent.

This is crazy...the last entry I'm reading and it's by far my fave. Best for last!!

The writing here is excellent. You had me nervous for these "people", who in the end, obviously weren't. I hate scifi because I usually don't understand but I got this and loved it.

YOu left us wondering why they would hid from the fishing boat...but nice payoff in the end.

Really nice job here. My fave of the whole bunch and I can say that with confidence cus I'm done!!

All right, explanation time.

First of all, they are indeed aliens. They parked their ship in the middle of the ocean and that's why they're going back there, and the small boats is in part because that's what they could grab and go with and in part to not attract attention and literally sail under radar. And budget.

I struggled with this ending because I knew people weren't going to get it. I wanted that visual of the ship rising up on the sonar screen, but without context I was worried nobody would get it, and I was trying to keep the budget low (everything here could be done with just a little money). I even made the other alien a copy of David to keep the budget down, and because I decided all male aliens are Davids and all females are Karens (but none of them would be an internet Karen, that's too on the nose).

So, the three stars, which is really a large ship in orbit moving into position. That's the rescue ship come to pick them up. I included it to strongly hint these people are not people, and as confusing as those stars were to some, would you have gotten that without them? With just the large object rising from the water? I did try to keep everyone focused on the stars, the title included, but I still felt it wasn't enough without that ship in orbit.

The other thing I liked about including the ship is they're trying to avoid rescue on the ocean, but they're hoping for rescue from above, from among the sea of stars.

Thanks for the high praise on the writing and your comments. I was really pleased with how this one turned out, except for the ending. I'll rework it to be a bit clearer.

This one was a corker and I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for the explanation of the end. Trying to write with budget in mind can be so tricky sometimes. I'd open it up now and write what you like. If someone is interested in producing it then it's up to them how they get across that this is an alien rescue.

I really enjoyed the set-up and mystery to this one.  I just wasn't sure if the ending was intended as an extraterrestrial event or a supernatural - kind of journey into the afterlife idea.  I was leaning towards the former but there was just that little room for doubt that left me to wonder.  I think the David doppelgänger is also a bit of a distraction rather than a help perhaps?

Steve