Dark Waters by Rushed? Moi? - A team of researchers looking for the fabled Loch Ness Monster come across something far more terrifying. Location: Body of water. Object: Item of advanced or electronic technology.   Short, Sci Fi

This was well written enough and the atmosphere was good... though I'm not exactly sure if I got the ending. So, the three sailors are now zombies? I don't know, forgive my stupidity. But this went over my head.

-- Michael

Well written with the odd spelling mistake "If you make it though the night"  THROUGH

I feel the build up was good but then you rushed the ending.

They notice a flash of light, which in turn makes them zombies I guess when they investigate.

Decent entry

Little rough around the edge but nice creepy atmosphere. I think they're searching for the loch ness but then they discover some other terror in the water. And that turns them into White Walker type monsters essentially. It's good that it withholds and keeps you guessing. Just needs a bit more clarity towards the end.

Good effort.

Another darn good story that just...ends. Damn that 4 page limit!! Some really decent writing here (minus a couple spelling issues) that could be cleaned up to be better. I'm wondering where the plane fits in and the disappearing crew too. Explanation after the reveal, please!

Okay - got it. Looking for Loch Ness and find some darkness that turns them into zombies instead.

Well written for sure - but it ends with me thinking - and??? Like we needed a few more pages.

Also - thought it would be kind of neat if Nessie showed up in those night vision goggles as a LOCH NESS ZOMBIE!

Hi writer,

Off-center title page, no biggie.

Quoted Text If you make it though the night, show the world what happened here. If there’s anyone to show it.

I'm not entirely sure what happened here.

Pretty good writing but a story that essentially goes nowhere, this needed a lot more than 4 pages unfortunately.

All the best.

Nice, classic ghosts (?) on a boat story. I like the mystery at the end. Were they always like this? Did the dark reveal them for what they were? Or did the dark change them? Leaves the reader with a sense of unease.

Very nice job!

Nice build-up with a rushed ending that had me scratching my head. I would love to see what happens next though and think this would benefit with a few more pages.

Nice one. So its the mist that is the real deal here. The writing was short and to the point, so made for a quick read. Good job.

Nicely done for the most part though it's too big an idea to be satisfied within the parameters.  The room’s just not there to explore and have fun with the concept enough to make it land with any real heft but the potential is there.  Would we know they’re a videographer and documentarist from their intros?

Nicely creepy story. The only thing I question is the ending where the eyes are large and silvery, and the men's bodies are decaying. Why decaying? Shouldn't their bodies be transforming to match their transformed eyes, instead of falling apart?

Writer,

I'll give you this -- that was a creepy last image you gave us. Good work. Not too sure how I feel about an excursion to a lake to find a fairy take. I figure, to get the full imapct, perhaps a team like this wouldn't be chasing such a thing. Kinda takes away from the realism of it, but I think you made up for it with the creepy tone. Not great, but had its moments, for sure.

Steve

Hi Writer

Love the idea of the dark taking them and having to be in the light the whole time (Although you could really have upped the anty with that)
Confused with his comment "if there is anyone to show it" does he think this is happening globally?

also wasn't too pleased with the ending of them decaying, I wanted more from where they were disappearing to.

Nice imagination though, didn;t trip on the writing and the atmosphere was great.

I am Scottish and the Loch Ness monster is real. Ok? It's real.
That aside I enjoyed this wee story and I do love an open ending. Would work better as a 10 pager with more back story.
Well done.

Effective atmosphere. The idea of people disappearing off a boat under strange circumstances is solid. I feel like this could be the opening for a larger project.

It took me awhile to figure out that light = safety. It seems like the captain figured out pretty fast what the rules and circumstances were. He knew somehow that his boy was alone in the dark.

What if there were some kind of strobe? How would that play out?

Well written but I'm not entirely sure why the crashed thing, creates a mist, but the mist doesn't do anything... but when  the light goes off something does happen.

Feels like it needs some more logic to what's happening.

Decent effort though.

Very interesting but this story needs more pages for it to make sense.  Definitely creepy and I was intrigued, but you started it at the inciting incident and there's no set up to let us know why they're there and who they are. You tell us they're documentarians...but how would we know that? And I was lost on what was happening at the end. They disappeared then were decaying under water. Definitely needs more explanation.

Anyway, you set up a really cool atmosphere and part of a story. I hope you expand on it.

Nice effort.