It Must Be Something In The Water by Haywood Jabolomey - A peaceful day fishing becomes a struggle for survival when a father and son see something fall out of the sky and into the water... something otherworldly.   Location: Body of water. Object: Item of advanced or electronic technology.   Short, Sci Fi

Body of water - check.
Advanced Tech - GoPro - we'll say check.
SciFi - not really. The thing dropped from space (I assume), but really this is just a straight forward creature feature. (Not that I'd mark down for that.)
Low budget - also not really. But, still, won't mark down for it.

I thought you did a nice job pulling the thread of the fishing pole through the story. You did a great job establishing it, then paid it off several times. Good work there.

Nit: Pop jumps out of the water and onto the creature's back. The description is just awkward enough that it pulled me out of the story. How does someone jump out of water?

Anyway, I enjoyed the story and it flowed well.

Quoted Text SAM (mid 30s, white suntan) sits across from his POP (mid 70s, scrappy and tough yet earnest) with their fishing poles propped up, lines in the water.

Not sure what scrappy, tough yet earnest even means???

That's it for criticism. I liked this - well written - very nice job.

Quoted from eldave1 Not sure what scrappy, tough yet earnest even means???

Haha! I want to know what a 'white suntan' is!

This was a fun and outlandish read - Kudos. Many descriptions were difficult to imagine but it almost came across comical. SciFi? Sure = Alien.

And that title page...whoa!

Solid script. Nice action, good characters. The Go-Pro on the end of the fishing line was cool. I just hope Sam doesn't run into the thing that threw the monster out of the passing spacecraft, because Pop isn't there to protect junior anymore.

A nice little piece about a dad and son goin' fishin' one last time.

Granted, the creature just happens out of the blue, but I guess that's how things do happen sometime. Just make sure you have a scrappy, tough yet earnest old man near you when they do.

Hi writer,

Damn that title page slaps you right in the face.

Quoted Text white suntan

Huh?

Quoted Text POP The cancer... it’s spread.

I don't know why, but when I read this my mind went straight to The Room haha

Hmmm... Sci Fi?

The first half and second half of this story felt a little disjointed for me, quite a heartfelt one minute and then full creature feature the next. It just felt like it came out of nowhere... and I guess it did.

All the best.

Cool title page font! As someone who loves doing that, I appreciate it (and the hate you might get from others lol)

Alright, I guess I see the connection between the shark story and him taking on the monster at the end (But is he attacking the monster to save his son, or his beloved fishing rod?)

Alien dropping down is outta left field, the cancer has nothing to do with anything really. Kind of reminds me of Dusk till Dawn where the first and second half are really disjointed (although I did love that movie)

Quoted Text But Pop jumps out of the water, onto the MONSTER’S back with his knife, plunging it several times into its neck!

Have you tried jumping outta water? The monster is 10 feet tall, I assume his neck is towards the top, how the hell is a 70-year-old man jumping nearly 10 feet straight out of water?

Nice effort, liked the writing, story doesn't quite sit right with me.

Similar to another entry but better executed. Well written and nicely done.
Well done.

I wish it didn't just fall out of the sky, but then what makes it a sci-fi, right? It's still just tacked on to meet the requirements.

The writing's a bit too casual for the tone of this, but the beats are solid. Nice foreshadowing with the story, it's written to an effective ending, and it has some emotion to it. Maybe it would be more effective if the son were the one to jump in the water, a passing of the torch in a trial by fire sort of way.

Well done.

Another script where something falls from the sky...

Although this just seems like a crocodile... a space crocodile ;D

Very over exaggerated like sharknado but still fun unlike Sharknado

I like how calm the son was when his Father got pulled under... "Shit".

Nice entry

I dunno why I like this as it shouldn't really work and is cheesy, like Tremours cheesy but I love tremours and I enjoyed this. Good job!

I's up the weirdness of this, make Pops a little more over-the-top badass. Like the cancer thing, maybe the son is tearing up and Pops tells him to stop being such a pansy.

I love that he jumps up and knifes the monster, the pole appearing at the end, all great. This is cheesy in a very good way so I'd embrace it more.

Great work. I loved the story about killing the shark and the way it circled back at the end. A tense moment when they lowered the Go Pro. Pop is a great hero. Very sharp. Cool title, too.

Can you have a white suntan?

Like the idea of dropping the Go Pro down on the fishing line, neat.

Entertaining enough, but not sure if it's SciFi or horror as it has a sort of Creature from Black Lagoon vibe to it.

And personally, cos of the cancer and I'm soppy, I'd have Pop skewer the  monster with his fishing pole and survive.

Liked it

Really liked this one.

Tender-by-not-acting-tender moment there in the mention of cancer. There has to be some way to tighten up that story about the bull shark.

"Unlike anything they’ve ever seen." is both unfilmable and unnecessary. The reaction to the shot tells us that.

A good tale with a beginning, middle, and end. Not at all low-budget, but "body of water" was in the requirements.

Very good job!

Writer,

Well, I'm glad he got the fishing pole back in the end! Complete story here, but a little too far out there -- a cancer stricken man riding a slithering beast of the deep kinda gives me an almost Herculean vibe. But I can definitely appreciate the sentiment of this one. Good work.

Steve

I really liked this one. I don't know why but I'm seeing like a Sam Raimi style of film making with this, little over the top but it works. The fishing pole thread is great, it just has it all come together nicely.

Hey Haywood...No.

So to me this is more like a monster/horror rather than sci fi. Second one I read with father/son fishing and dad bites it.

I did like this. It was well written and entertaining. Nice work.

How did the bull shark take the rod?

Pops has a hell of a way to deliver bad news…

Lots going on here that’s it’s hard to keep up.  We’re barely out of lucky fishing rod tale and cancer comebacks before we’re into monster falling from the sky and ensuing carnage.  I did like how you worked the lucky fishing rod back into it.  Perhaps a darker, more comic twist would be him finding the knife?  An entertaining read just missed the mark for me.