The Edison Doll by Not Edison - Will a childhood toy deepen rifts or heal the pain of the past?  Short, Drama

Okay, there's going to be debate about this one and pushing the limits of the challenge. Two main characters and a third variable that can be the cause or the solver, and it can only be on one page. The lawyer, Yates, is hardly a bystander. In fact he is somewhat the problem solver that is present on all five pages. I know the doll is meant to be the variable but....whatever. Debatable.

Someone may also have issue with no Fade Out. Me? I don't care.

As for the story, you put a lot in five pages - Bravo. Twins history, backstory, the doll, mother, Lizzie leaving to do who knows what... good writing to do that in such few pages.

Somewhat anticlimactic ending but the crisis is solved. Good work, writer. Met the challenge? Jury is still out.

Clearly an estranged relationship here, so far of the four scripts I've read it's the only one that actually hit this mark, and definitely drama in their reunion, tick, tick.

3rd variable, well thought it was the other character but later we get the real 3rd variable, which I liked and very different to the doll revealed in one of the other scripts I just read ;-)

But to John's point above... think the rules for this one say 'two main' characters and it has that for sure... guess readers will have to decide if the other character in here is 'main' or 'secondary'.

I liked the script so letting it slide for now.

I really like what you have written here but I agree with the third variable... writer you're pushing it it, maybe a bridge too far.

I'll have another go at this before the scoring. Like i said, liked the story, everything else seems to be there.

Reg

I like the banter between the sisters - and while it may push some boundaries of the rules, I don't think it does so in an unruly way, ha. I will rate it a solid good in my book.

Yep, dialogue and banter, very nice.

You pushed it with Yates, and the doll. Could they just have met in a room without the lawyer?
This one will come down to how much the story sticks with me.

I like the twins aspect and the Edison Doll would be a terrific visual.

Hi writer,

Another with good dialogue and some nice writing on display.

This isn't a story I would find interesting to watch if filmed but in terms of the challenge I think you ticked the boxes.

All the best.

EDIT...

I agree with Anthony here, two main characters is very different to only two characters (and possibly a third as the variable).

I read it as have as many characters as you like but two of them need to be main ones and I think we have that here. The doll is the variable and Yates is just another character.

I really like the barbed exchanges between the twins. The language is realistic. These are longtime rivals. It's cool that they focus entirely on the Edison doll--cut to the chase.

The ending works. A little sentimental, but it will do.

I had never heard of an Edison doll before.

A nice script.

I'm not yet finished reading, but this is the best of the bunch so far for me.

I didn't have a problem with the third character (re: the challenge) but, this could have been done with them reading the will themselves, without the lawyer.

But, whatever. The writing is strong. The doll is an interesting added device. It all worked for me.

I was curious about what the doll would say at the end. If you wanted, you could have some fun with that, as I believe those discs could be recorded with your own voice? Not sure about that. But, I thought so. Anyway, if so, could the doll actually have a message from the mother? (Not that it needs changing... I'm just spitballing based off of my anticipation while reading.)

Bottom line... I liked this one.

Eddy,

This was really sweet.

(I did some math on the mid-70s twins having a freshly dead mother - she would had to have been nearly 100? Which is fine and believable, just interesting).

I don’t have too much to say. The dialogue is nice. In terms of realism, it’s hard to see why the first time the pair reunite would have been at the lawyers office. Surely they would have crossed paths at the possible death bed, funeral planning, funeral, graveside, wake? A tiny issue though.

The story is nice. Heart-touching.

I think here the third variable is the doll. And if it is, it fits the bill.

Good luck.