Just another day in NYC by Professor James Moriarty - A Senator, who feels he was setup gets pushed to the edge.. literally!  Short, Drama, Dark Comedy

Re your logline, it needs a bit of a revamp imho.  
You don't need the comma after senator.

A crowd has gathered outside of a tall building, to watch
what looks like a suicide attempt.
Just write what we see - a man teetering on the edge of a high-rise building.
Or: A 'jumper' on the top floor...

Lower case for parenthetical:
(To Malley)
(to Malley)

I get this is probably for misdirection:
OFFICER MALLEY
You would be... A crack whore!
- But that line was just out of place and jarring for me. She's in costume for Halloween.

Malley smiles a smile only a Mother could love and even that
pushes it.
Odd line. It's typically 'a face only a mother could love', but don't mind me.

Some nice humorous touches:

That`s a nice watch, but your wife
cheating on you, not a good reason
for suicide if you ask me. Sometimes
it's a celebration

Jessie?

Walker is Cinderella with a Rolex watch.  ;D

Your villain meets the brief. Good guy is bad guy in cahoots with damsel feigning distress.
But, my main takeaway is no-one is really likeable.
Would be better (imho) if Walker is handsome, charismatic and charming.

A mixed bag for me.

This could do with a shot of realism to make it more compelling. The cops are wisecracking and not giving a shit - obviously villains - but if they acted with more compassion or genuine (but turns out fake) concern - this would have more impact.

Some good dialogue though, and we’ll put together.

As mentioned before the crack whore comment took me out of it.

Hi writer,

I enjoyed this one for the most part. Thought it was quite well written and the twist really got me in the end. I've read it again, and maybe I should've seen it coming. But, good job on that. Good villains too.

Nice one!

Good luck,
Glenn.

What happened to Halloween? If the characters hadn't mention it, I never would've known. Maybe I'm too jaded with police procedurals. Or maybe MARVAL films.
Writing was ok. No problem there.

Due to the nature of this OWC and the way the cops were acting, I kinda guessed where this was heading but I still enjoyed it anyway. As mentioned in one of the comments above, if you wanted to misdirect the audience more you could have the cops being nicer, more professional but then maybe it wouldn't be as entertaining.

A good read that covers the parameter adequately.

I enjoyed it for the most part - the dialogue felt a little forced for my liking, didn't get many laughs from it.

I had to suspend my disbelief, but once I did, I enjoyed it a lot more.

Writer,

HaHa! Nice twist at the end! Do people still double-space after periods? Asking for a friend. Anyway. I liked this because it didn't take itself too seriously. At all, really. Typos and stuff, yeah, but I'm sure you were pressed for time. Not really much to do with Halloween, eh? I would have liked more banter between Clint and the Officer -- a missed opportunity, I think. Some funny interactions in there, but you could have made this so much funnier. At least that's the route I'd have taken. Overall...

Pretty good work, but more time in on this one could have really made it shine!

Steve

Hi writer,

Who is Jessie? No intro.

This is written decently with a good plot and fast, witty dialog. So, they are ganged up against the Senator so that Sarah gets a successful run as the Senator. Good plot.

Good luck.

I liked it but it's missing something.

A twist and bad guys win - that's never too appealing. To me at least.

I guess that's waht it's missing - the good guys to win. You see, I can root for the bad but in this case I didn't. So that's what it's missing.

And what's the motivation for him to promote his sister anyway?

This was entertaining for me from start to finish.

There were a few typos around, but read pretty easy.

I liked the cops playing off each other and it was one big scheme.. including Renee.

Nice twist for sure.

Overall a good entry

Hi there,

I did enjoy reading this one. Good dynamic writing, easy to follow.
Loving the humorous dialogue - 'I could design software quicker than Mark Zukernut could shit' lol. Though I couldn't always tell Malley and Walker apart, they felt very similar in dialogue and action.

The Jessie thing took me out of the story a bit. Had to track back and see if I had missed his/her introduction. Was this just a mistake - Was Jessie supposed to be Rennie? Also Rennie is detailed as gorgeous but her face is concealed by a mask?

Sorry enough criticism - still enjoyed reading this one, good entry.

This was decent, writer knows how to write, but yet felt a bit rushed. Another draft or two would clean a few things up.

What's with the reversed apostrophe? Weird.

A decent twist at the end. Didn't get much Halloween vibes from it.

Overall, I liked it. One of the strongest entries.

I assume Renee was Jessie in an earlier draft of the script?

I think the tone was off a little for me as it sort of fell between two stools with comedy and drama.

As a comedy I felt it needed more, and as a drama it would need to be played starighter.

Imho it would work better with the twist reveal as a drama, but that's just me.

Anyways, still liked this one overall.

Interesting relationships. Be careful that a renamed character is renamed through the entire script. Prose should, by an large, always be in present tense.

I think I get where the plot stands: a crime of passion disguised as a suicide. Character behavior starting on page 2 got a little out of hand for me. If Walker was smart enough to help orchestrate a smear campaign, he'd be smart enough to avoid contact with his lover (in fact, going a little too far to avoid contact which would be a tell in itself).

This one, for whatever reason, never hit for me. Maybe because I was immediately swamped with having to distinguish between two characters (the cops) who felt exactly the same. By the end of page one, I had already made the decision to ignore which cop was speaking when, simply because I couldn't tell them apart.

Follow that up on page 2 and 3 with your treatment of the Renee character and I was mentally out. I guess once you lost me, I never wanted to put the work in to get back in. It's probably too bad for me, because now that I read the other reviews, I'm obviously in the minority.

Bland title and messy logline.

Some really clunky character introductions. This clunkiness seems to persist as I read on...

The dialog isn't any better. Extremely stilted and awkward. Read it out loud, you'll see what I mean.

It's never a good sign if I'm starting to skim on the very first page. :(

And I've completely tuned out on page 3. People don't talk like this. Sorry, but it'd incredibly distracting.

The twist is decent, but it's held back by the poor writing and characters. With a good rewrite to iron out the kinks, you might have something good here.

Good job getting something in for the challenge. :)

Good story, if a little convoluted. It seemed to me that the main reason for eliminating Senator Moore is so Officer Walker’s sister can have an easy run for Moore’s senate seat. Moore’s death also clears the way for Walker and Renee to continue their fling. So did Walker make Renee’s acquaintance as part of his plan to get her to betray her husband? Or were they already involved when his sister decided to run for the senate? This second reason is way too coincidental. And the first reason is too much of a longshot to work. Maybe a simpler motivation, like wanting to get rid of the husband so Walker and Renee can move their relationship to the next level, would work better.

There are also a couple of inconsistencies:
Page 2, Walker is “transfixed” at the sight of Renee as if he’s never seen her before, and
Page 3, Renee suddenly becomes Jessie.