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Altered Egos - OWC (currently 2020 views) |
Don |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 8:22am |
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AdministratorAdministrator  So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts12760 Posts Per Day 1.93 |
Altered Egos by 0 - Short, Comedy - The fragile alter egos of Superheroes are challenged by a new arrival to their group. 6 pages - pdf, format  |
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------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
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irish eyes |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 8:47am |
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Yellow  There`s too much blood in my alcohol
LocationUpstate New York Posts1669 Posts Per Day 0.51 |
The first one ...woohoo
Had a few giggles here and there. Nice concept in a limited page count. Easy to read with a strange creative superpower.
Not bad. Good job on entering |
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Reply: 1 - 27 |
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Equinox |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 8:57am |
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Purple 
LocationGermany Posts445 Posts Per Day 0.31 |
It's quite funny, but uses existing heroes which isn't by the rules, really. Anyways, funny read. |
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Reply: 2 - 27 |
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cbead |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 9:51am |
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Purple  https://chrisbeadnell.wordpress.com/
LocationSunny Coast. Qld. Australia Posts135 Posts Per Day 0.12 |
That was a funny read.
Good effort.
My first idea for this OWC was a on similar vein, a therapy group of sidekicks, but that idea lost steam by about Tuesday. |
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Wes |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 11:31am |
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Purple 
LocationOakland, CA 94602 Posts174 Posts Per Day 0.10 |
Good stuff. Great interaction between the superheros. Gave me a few laughs. |
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Reply: 4 - 27 |
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AnthonyCawood |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 2:29pm |
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Yellow 
LocationUK Posts2739 Posts Per Day 1.42 |
Not entirely sure it fits the rules... but it had some nice snappy dialogue and his superpower was genuinely funny. Though if the funny reveal is that he's JJ Abrams then surely he'd be LENS FLARE MAN  Good effort |
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Reply: 5 - 27 |
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IamGlenn |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 2:36pm |
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Green  :)
LocationDublin, Ireland, Europe, The World. Posts689 Posts Per Day 0.42 |
0, CHEATER! You used existing superheroes!  This was ok. Funny in places. It's basically just a bicker-fest between the heroes though, and it wears a bit thin by the end. The end itself is ok, but surely the audience would know JJ Abrams without his glasses. Not bad. Glenn. |
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Vlade-B |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 4:39pm |
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Red 
LocationWhy? Posts33 Posts Per Day 0.02 |
I found this one to be quite funny, dialogue wise. Though I wish it was more about the main protagonist, than about the celebrity roster. Plot twist: This entry was actually submitted by J.J. Abrams  |
| Caleb You tore up her picture.
Nathan I'm gonna tear up the fucking dance floor, dude. Check it out.
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Reply: 7 - 27 |
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stevie |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 8:29pm |
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Yellow 
LocationDown Under Posts3006 Posts Per Day 0.80 |
Witty idea and well written. Minimal laughs though
2 laughs out of 10 |
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Reply: 8 - 27 |
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Hank of W |
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 9:02pm |
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Red 
Posts32 Posts Per Day 0.02 |
This is very clever and funny, I really enjoyed how a different pair of superheros stand up to each other after a jive. Laughed at many places. |
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Reply: 9 - 27 |
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Conz |
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 9:03am |
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Purple 
Posts317 Posts Per Day 0.11 |
the final reveal may have flew over my head a bit, but i enjoyed the banter. "I'm Batman" is a joke with a ton of mileage on it, but i guess it still makes me smile. Solid short. I don't know if it broke the rules, but I personally don't mind. |
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Reply: 10 - 27 |
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MarkRenshaw |
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 9:35am |
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Yellow 
LocationUK Posts1463 Posts Per Day 0.69 |
Totally unfilmable of course and using established superheroes may be against the rules, but the idea of superheroes in group therapy is great source for comedy. Also Superimpose man is a nice touch. The JJ reveal at the end was good, but I didn’t get the last line, however it’s apparent you were running out of room and had to even scratch the FADE OUT, so I get it that you had to end quickly.
Some funny moments. Works well as spoof fanfiction.
-Mark |
| For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK |
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Reply: 11 - 27 |
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grademan |
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 9:48am |
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Green 
LocationWisconsin Posts901 Posts Per Day 0.25 |
The first dust up was funny the ones after that felt like the story was in a do loop. The Batman joke exploded in my stomach - my first belly laugh of this OWC. The superimposed ending with JJ was okay and fit the story but could be better.
A great line in the story occurred when Doc Q Mentary loses his cool and yells "I volunteer for these sessions to help you with your alter egos and all of you are acting like little children!" Alter ego = child. Maybe I'm reaching.
Thanks!
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Reply: 12 - 27 |
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Dreamscale |
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 10:15am |
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Blue  Yes, that is my real hair...
LocationCave Creek, AZ Posts10503 Posts Per Day 2.56 |
Kudos for actually writing a comedy and for some funny lines, but shame for not following the OWC rules.
I read the whole thing and smiled several times. Nothing hilarious here, but it shows that you tried and that's always appreciated.
As for the ending? Some may find it funny...I did not. |
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Reply: 13 - 27 |
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StevenClark |
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 3:13pm |
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Yellow 
LocationUpstate NY Posts1816 Posts Per Day 0.82 |
Writer,
I liked this. You had some pretty funny lines in there among the superheroes. I thought Barman proclaiming I'm Batman several times was hilarious. Good stuff. But the end reveal arghh. Just wasn't crazy about it. But we'll written yes, and a few chuckles from me. Good job!
Steve |
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