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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    April 2016 OWC  ›  Altered Egos - OWC Moderators: Mr. Blonde
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  Author    Altered Egos - OWC  (currently 1945 views)
Don
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 8:22am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Altered Egos by 0 - Short, Comedy - The fragile alter egos of Superheroes are challenged by a new arrival to their group. 6 pages - pdf, format


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irish eyes
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 8:47am Report to Moderator
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The first one ...woohoo

Had a few giggles here and there. Nice concept in a limited page count.
Easy to read with a strange creative  superpower.

Not bad. Good job on entering


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Equinox
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 8:57am Report to Moderator
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It's quite funny, but uses existing heroes which isn't by the rules, really. Anyways, funny read.


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cbead
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 9:51am Report to Moderator
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That was a funny read.

Good effort.

My first idea for this OWC was a on similar vein, a therapy group of sidekicks, but that idea lost steam by about Tuesday.


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Wes
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 11:31am Report to Moderator
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Good stuff. Great interaction between the superheros.
Gave me a few laughs.


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AnthonyCawood
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 2:29pm Report to Moderator
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Not entirely sure it fits the rules... but it had some nice snappy dialogue and his superpower was genuinely funny.

Though if the funny reveal is that he's JJ Abrams then surely he'd be LENS FLARE MAN

Good effort


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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IamGlenn
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 2:36pm Report to Moderator
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:)

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0,

CHEATER! You used existing superheroes!

This was ok. Funny in places. It's basically just a bicker-fest between the heroes though, and it wears a bit thin by the end. The end itself is ok, but surely the audience would know JJ Abrams without his glasses.

Not bad.

Glenn.


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Vlade-B
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 4:39pm Report to Moderator
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I found this one to be quite funny, dialogue wise. Though I wish it was more about the main protagonist, than about the celebrity roster.

Plot twist: This entry was actually submitted by J.J. Abrams


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You tore up her picture.

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stevie
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 8:29pm Report to Moderator
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Witty idea and well written.  Minimal laughs though

2 laughs out of 10


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Hank of W
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 9:02pm Report to Moderator
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This is very clever and funny, I really enjoyed how a different pair of superheros stand up to each other after a jive. Laughed at many places.
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Conz
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 9:03am Report to Moderator
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the final reveal may have flew over my head a bit, but i enjoyed the banter.  "I'm Batman" is a joke with a ton of mileage on it, but i guess it still makes me smile.  Solid short.  I don't know if it broke the rules, but I personally don't mind.


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MarkRenshaw
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 9:35am Report to Moderator
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Totally unfilmable of course and using established superheroes may be against the rules, but the idea of superheroes in group therapy is great source for comedy. Also Superimpose man is a nice touch.  The JJ reveal at the end was good, but I didnít get the last line, however itís apparent you were running out of room and had to even scratch the FADE OUT, so I get it that you had to end quickly.

Some funny moments. Works well as spoof fanfiction.

-Mark


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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grademan
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 9:48am Report to Moderator
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The first dust up was funny the ones after that felt like the story was in a do loop. The Batman joke exploded in my stomach - my first belly laugh of this OWC. The superimposed ending with JJ was okay and fit the story but could be better.

A great line in the story occurred when Doc Q Mentary loses his cool and yells  "I volunteer for these sessions to help you with your alter egos and all of you are acting like little children!"  Alter ego = child. Maybe I'm reaching.

Thanks!
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Dreamscale
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 10:15am Report to Moderator
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Kudos for actually writing a comedy and for some funny lines, but shame for not following the OWC rules.

I read the whole thing and smiled several times.  Nothing hilarious here, but it shows that you tried and that's always appreciated.

As for the ending? Some may find it funny...I did not.


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StevenClark
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 3:13pm Report to Moderator
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Writer,

I liked this. You had some pretty funny lines in there among the superheroes. I thought Barman proclaiming I'm Batman several times was hilarious. Good stuff. But the end reveal arghh.  Just wasn't crazy about it. But we'll written yes, and a few chuckles from me. Good job!

Steve


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