Light comedy with an ironic atmosphere. The back story explanations about anti-serums and such distracted me completely. Try to get through this part as soon and clear as possible and let us stay in here and now with the characters. Otherwise... there's potential, and I can imagine this could develop into a pretty funny piece if you'd rewrite, and especially when a team would once work on it and develop the stuff further. Good Job. I liked it.

I think it was supposed to be some kind of practice run-through for the superhero but I have no idea why it was happening.  There was mention of the serum but I wasn't sure how that figured into the story.  Whatever humor there was got lost in the murk.

There was a glimmer of a good idea (superheroes losing their powers) here but the idea sort of got lost in the mish mash of the story.  A bit confusing at times and I wasn't clear on what Vigilante and Aquafemine's super powers actually were.  Good effort but not enough humor here for me.

Verdict: Pass

Best,
Gary

This was going pretty good during the bank heist bit, but once it was revealed to be a training exercise things got confusing and convoluted. If I’d not read the logline I think I would’ve been totally lost as to what was happening.

I like the idea of superheroes who’ve lost their powers trying to readjust, but there were some logical issues that got in the way of the humor here. Why would the police train an ex-superhero to use a gun? Were superheroes so prevalent that regular cops ceased to exist? Did Karren have superpowers relating to invulnerability, or were they actually letting some untrained dude shoot rubber bullets at normal people’s faces? Granted, you can get some humor out of those scenarios, but the reality has to be well-established first. I simply had no idea what was really going on once we got out of the bank scene.

I found it extremely difficult to get past your first line. Dimply lit. It's terrible. The reason for that is that I actually tried really hard to imagine a dimply lit bank interior. Perhaps you meant spotlights. Those tiny LED ones. But I know you mean, dimly lit, so my imaginings are for nought.

The writing here is difficult to get through, so is something you should improve.

I read through and this one could do with some work. I was going to say that the writing isn't always an indicator of what is to come story-wise, but more often than not, it is.

Vigilante:

I noticed you tell us how they were dressed - don't see the importance in that here.

I didn't understand Karen/Vigilante relationship.
Why Vigilante was in a pool of blood at the end.

And who is the script about? Aquafemine? Because in the end it seems like it's about her and we know nothing about her. By the way, you didn't introduce her properly.

Anyway, the idea behind it is a little lost on me to be honest.

I had a difficult time finding my bearings in this one. The descriptions are poorly written and given an unclear picture of what's going on. The opening, for example - "He rounds the corner and finds himself faced with a hostage situation" - this could look any number of ways. Instead of establishing the setup upfront, you offer little tidbits of information as the plot unfolds, making it unclear what we're looking at at any given point. There's also a number of instances that are simply awkwardly phrased, like when Karren is shot; I could've sworn she was dead the way you wrote it, but apparently not.

Dialogue isn't much better. Lots of typos too. Jokes don't seem to land at all. The only joke I could even identify is the glasses gag... and I guess the "psst" gag, although that ended up being more of a foreshadow than anything. The premise isn't bad, but the plot doesn't do it much justice, and the whole thing feels rushed anyway.

Also... why Vigilante? Fine title, but for an actual name? Sounds very "placeholder-y."

Worth revisiting after the challenge, but sort of a mess as is.