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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    April 2016 OWC  ›  Simply Super - OWC Moderators: Mr. Blonde
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  Author    Simply Super - OWC  (currently 2857 views)
Don
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 10:04am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Simply Super by 0 - Short, Comedy - Newbie writers threaten the Simply Scripts bastion with their methods. Is there a hero out there to stop them? Well...possibly lol. 6 pages pdf - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
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irish eyes
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 1:16pm Report to Moderator
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There`s too much blood in my alcohol

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This is the only OWC where you can get away with it

That was funny, I enjoyed i and right up my alley in humor

Did you write it Jeff or maybe it was an Australian

Good job made me laugh


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SAC
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 1:25pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


… but some dreams do

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Writer,

Good show. Loved your opening paragraph - sorry, action block. Great idea to use An SS member as your hero, and spot on in some areas. It made me smile. My second one in and this is pretty good!

Steve


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Equinox
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 1:25pm Report to Moderator
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Can't open this one, all I get is a black page in acrobat reader and an error message.


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grademan
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 3:01pm Report to Moderator
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The only thing I'd change would be the name SPACE GHOST!
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Wes
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 4:11pm Report to Moderator
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Tried to open this one and also got a black page but no error message. I was able to download it and read it.

I like it a lot but that may be because I'm a newbie here myself. Really making an effort now to participate.

Anyway, just one little objective comment . . . on the first page ALEX is the character speaking four times in a row. Was that what you wanted? I was a little confused.

Enjoyed it. Thanks.


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Ryan1
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 8:03pm Report to Moderator
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Funny little riff on the opening Batman scene, with the twisted, misshapen Bushman filling in for the dark knight.  "Slurp on my pork sword" is the early contender for line of the challenge.
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DarrenJamesSeeley
Posted: April 24th, 2016, 11:57pm Report to Moderator
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script opened for me with no problem. Some generic characters (SS Dude, SS Girl) didn't please me in the read due to generics, a character gives a synopsis of a story which makes a mouthful, and I can't get into this. I'll try again later if I'm in a better frame of mind- but for now, it reads very last minute thought up on the fly.



"I know you want to work for Mo Fuzz. And Mo Fuzz wants you to. But first, I'm going to need to you do something for me... on spec." - Mo Fuzz, Tapeheads, 1988
my scripts on ss : http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1095531482/s-45/#num48
The Art!http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-knowyou/m-1190561532/s-105/#num106
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khamanna
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 1:36am Report to Moderator
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I thought they said and did random stuff. Like when one of them handed the other the copy of his short script - didn't get what for. Or when they say that Bush is gonna be after them.

Then again my attention wasn't in it - I don't like this kind of scripts. So maybe you better just disregard my post.
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DanC
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 1:40am Report to Moderator
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Killing villains since 1980!

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It opened for me too.  Jeff, if you wrote this, I will be very upset.

it was original and it was funny at points.  It was odd.  It read as a 6 page story, not as a joke told in 6 pages or less.

7/10


Please read my scripts:
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1427564706/

I'm interested in reading animation, horror, sci fy, suspense, fantasy, and anything that is good.  I enjoy writing the same.  Looking to team with anyone!

Thanks
Dan
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 3:59am Report to Moderator
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Didn’t open for me, I just got a black screen. If anyone has the same issue, just choose the ‘Open With Different Viewer’ option or download it and it works fine.

A Simply Script Spoof, I loved it, although only people from this forum would really appreciate it. ‘I’m out by page one man’ made me lol for real.

-Mark


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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eldave1
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 1:12pm Report to Moderator
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Okay - this one - so far - has gotten the biggest laugh for me. Sure, it's audience is going to be somewhat limited to SS ers - but I definitely was not out on page 1. I quite liked this. My favorite so far.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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alffy
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 1:37pm Report to Moderator
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I'm out by page one, sorry.

Ha, kinda liked this one.  Could have done with the SS Dude and Girl having names but overall it was funny and pretty true too lol


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 3:52pm Report to Moderator
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Smiled and chuckled throughout the read, I know it's all in-jokes for us, but hey, seemed perfect for this OWC

Good effort


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Dreamscale
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 4:18pm Report to Moderator
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HaHa!!  Nicely done.  I miss these old SS pissers.  Some funny lines here...actually some LOL lines.

Love it!!
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IamGlenn
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 4:33pm Report to Moderator
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:)

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0,

Some will love this. Many do, it seems. Just not for me.

Good luck.

Glenn.


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SKN
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 7:16pm Report to Moderator
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It's a genius satire and pure comedy, I am new so I had to look for this Bush dude (dreamscale?) and voila, he was out by page 2 on my OWC entry, and i get the jokes.

Very funny stuff, lots of LoLs. thx for the laf
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Dreamscale
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 7:22pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from SKN
It's a genius satire and pure comedy, I am new so I had to look for this Bush dude (dreamscale?) and voila, he was out by page 2 on my OWC entry, and i get the jokes.

Very funny stuff, lots of LoLs. thx for the laf



Ah yes...the bush dude, is indeed Dreamscale.  And I'm 99.9% sure who wrote this one.

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SKN
Posted: April 25th, 2016, 7:51pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dreamscale



Ah yes...the bush dude, is indeed Dreamscale.  And I'm 99.9% sure who wrote this one.




Ah shit, man, pls don't take offence of my comment, it's all fun. You are the hero here imo, makes noobs rethink their approach and the seriousness of the craft, while not taking ourselves too seriously. It's all gud dude.
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Dreamscale
Posted: April 26th, 2016, 8:14am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from SKN
Ah shit, man, pls don't take offence of my comment, it's all fun. You are the hero here imo, makes noobs rethink their approach and the seriousness of the craft, while not taking ourselves too seriously. It's all gud dude.


Offense?  Hell no.  Peeps may hate me, but they definitely love to hate me.  

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DustinBowcot
Posted: April 26th, 2016, 8:29am Report to Moderator
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Tried a couple of times now to slog my way through this script and I have to skip each time. It's not delivering. It's smart but should be a lot smarter.
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Reef Dreamer
Posted: April 26th, 2016, 3:58pm Report to Moderator
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And the denim shorts return...

As mark says, at least you can get away with this in this OWC.

Out by page one man, I suppose it beats Slugman !


My scripts  HERE

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.  Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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Gary in Houston
Posted: April 26th, 2016, 4:36pm Report to Moderator
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I have about 20 guesses who wrote this. Doesn't matter. Still like it, even though some of the humor was pretty hit and miss.  Still quite a bit of fun.

Verdict: Consider


Some of my scripts:

Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly
I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner
The Gambler (short) - OWC winner
Skip (short) - filmed
Country Road 12 (short) - filmed
The Family Man (short) - filmed
The Journeyers (feature) - optioned

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James McClung
Posted: April 26th, 2016, 7:51pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



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This was better than I expected and reasonably well-written for basically a lark. The two biggest punchlines (OUT BY ONE PAGE MAN and the finale) landed as well. I chuckled... in my head.

Not much to say about this one. A bit of fun, but kinda old hat. I've read more than my share of these scripts over the years... including Simply BBQ... which I forgot about until now... which I just looked up again. Still posted! Thanks for reminding me.


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Cameron
Posted: April 27th, 2016, 6:18am Report to Moderator
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I think this is one for the longer standing members of the site, didn't get all the references myself.  Still was pretty good, been around here long enough to see the "Tarantino" defence used a few times, that was funny.
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Lightfoot
Posted: April 27th, 2016, 9:56am Report to Moderator
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Only getting a black screen for this one
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PrussianMosby
Posted: April 27th, 2016, 11:38am Report to Moderator
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Too many insider jokes who only relate to this site's users. Presentation is good. Probably a story about amateur screenwriters and gurus in general; industrialization of our craft and the constant exploitation of the naïve; could enlarge the target audience, make a point and even succeed. But I think it wasn't your goal… so, good for what it is.



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EWall433
Posted: May 1st, 2016, 9:23pm Report to Moderator
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Doesn’t seem sensible to give much input on a pisser, so I’ll just say I enjoyed it. Knew ‘out by page one’ would have to be a punchline sooner or later.
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