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Okay, I've never taken a cab but I'm pretty sure this sharing stuff doesn't happen. And if Teri's afraid of clowns then why did she get in the cab in the first place? I really don't feel anyone is stuck in the cab.
I did like the song reference. I remember it fondly. But it does seem like the entire script was built to get to the one-liner.
Good work. Reads smoothly. Just a bit shallow for me.
Very good. Wondering where all this was going. Really nowhere, but it was a pretty fun ride. Got a nice laugh at the Stealers Wheel song, as well as the bizarre fix Teri was in. I also loved her yelling "stop" and the driver screeching to a halt. Very descriptive writing here, using just the right amount of words. From the opening I could clearly see exactly what happening in my mind, after that I knew I was in for a good story. Refreshing. Only nit is there had to be a way to trim off a few lines to keep this from spilling onto page ten, no? Something like that would keep me up nights! Anyway, very good work, writer!!
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Not sure where the trap was - but I'll buy it as a subtle trap (by circumstances).
Daisy was good.
Teri was inconsistent.
Bob was a wreck kike you wanted him to be - the issue is that the lines wern't funny do they didn't land for me.
Like the thing with setting up an Uber account.
Quoted Text
DRIVER I hope you don’t mind. I’ve got one more fare to pick up on the way. Teri looks at the driver. TERI I don’t mind.
Teri must be the most understanding person in the world - she's already in the cab with a weird clown and has no problem with another passenger - think an objection - even if a mild one - would have been better here.
Doesn't move a ton past the initial conflict of being trapped with colourful characters. The idea of being in a cab with a clown is fun and surreal, but the clown's gags are all so familiar that they wear thin pretty quickly. I'd like to see Teri get fed up sooner and have a more difficult time getting out of the cab -- a clear goal with mounting obstacles.
It wasn't hilarious, but it was a comfortable kind of cute. Not something I'd seek out.
I like that you tried to come up with some colorful characters. I just didn't enjoy their interactions together. Bob in particular made this impossible to get through. He literally just sat there making one bad pick up joke after another, the entire time until I stopped reading out of frustration.
There are so many other little things you could do with the fact that he's a drunk. Maybe he starts feeling like he's gonna hurl and they're freaking out trying to get the window open for him. Or he falls asleep snoring and drooling. You've gotta be more creative and unpredictable with it.
Don't you nod your head 'Yes' and shake your head 'No'? lol
Teri palms her forehead out of frustration... yeah I know she feels lol
Sorry but the old one liners dragged on and on and I've heard every one of them. This could have been a lot shorter and I don't know if they were actually trapped either.
The Stealer's Wheel song worked, but I guess that's what you were going for so kudos to that.
Oh dear, this whole script was geared up to deliver the lines from that famous song. Unfortunately you sacrifice a lot to setup this situation. I've never heard of strangers sharing a Taxi before, especially as none of them agreed to it. In my mind, she would have bailed the moment she clocked the clown, as she's afraid of them.
No-one was stuck in the taxi. They all got in of their own free will and she got out when she had had enough.
Sorry, no, not for me.
-Mark
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I can see what you’re aiming for with the awkward cab ride for Teri but the idea comes across as forced for plot rather than worked organically into the idea with the rest of the story following suit. Comedy? Off-beat drama? Who knows… Just all too unrealistic with characters that are annoying/rude for annoying/rude’s sake. The Steeler’s Wheel reference gave me a smile but the rest was more of a groan. Sorry, not for me.
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I really felt Teri's irritation and am not sure how she stuck it that long. Obnoxious characters need redeeming features, I reckon and we need to be really rooting for someone -Teri, in this case, and she didn't really have a lot to do other than react. There's something to this idea though - the sharing of the cab. I'd start with more stakes for Teri, perhaps make it a thriller with three strangers. As a comedy it didn't really hit the high notes for me. Not a bad idea, just needs more. Clever tie in with the song.
I think I liked this better than most, but I'd still echo a lot of the other reviewers points. There's not much narrative drive and it felt like the same beat was getting hit over and over again. Probably the side effects of having the whole thing stuck in a taxi is that it's hard for Teri to push back against this in a way that isn't just repetitive complaining.
A small, random note, but maybe consider letting Bob keep his beer and make Teri a recovering alcoholic who is terrified of clowns. Might add more variety as you run it through again with that in mind.