Another great tale.  This one would be right at home in an 'Are You Afraid of the Dark?' anthology.  (minus the titty scene.  :-)

This immediately put me in the Pacific Northwest as I see it.  (I've never been there.)  Luscious woods, almost forests.

This story would've been even greater without the 12 page limit and one week time restraint.  I'm guessing that's why a couple readers are a little lost as to exactly what happens.  It's nothing a quick edit won't fix, though.  I had to read through it twice to figure out how to put the story in place.

Although the story's great, there is one thing that confuses me.  Wesley gets healed from the water, and so does Dwight.  Which is a cool, awesome idea.  But something strange happened to Dwight, though.  He turned strange, right, kind of like Pet Sematary and the Mickmack Burying Ground.  Why didn't Wesley turn strange?  I'm a little lost on exactly what happened to Dwight, why he was strange, and why it didn't happen to Wesley, too.

But this'll be a great story made even greater after the edits.

Great job.

- Mark

Unfortunately this story just had too many holes in it for me to make sense of what was happening (or what the intent was).

It started out with little things. On page one you describe “a breathtaking drop”. After a couple of pages of them debating making the jump, Wesley attempts it. When he just barely makes the jump, it says his “leg slips in the water”. But how? I thought it was a breathtaking drop.

Later Wesley enters a cave heretofore unmentioned with wounds that I also missed somehow. And then it seems like Wes just kind of falls in the water. Why?

I didn’t understand why Wes and Rose felt they needed to cover these events up. It was an accident. The flashback later doesn’t help me either. It says Dwight went strange, but why not just get help? He's not even dead.

And now Henry knows the kids are hiding something, but why doesn’t he just ask Dwight what it is. Is Dwight in a coma or something? I also don’t know how the hospital can know his bones were broken if he shows up healed.

At the end Wes takes Rose to the water under the pretense of healing her. I know there’s confusion about this, but to me he really does appear to be killing her. How? Doesn’t the water revive people?   Why? To keep the secret hidden? But she already told the adults what happened, and Dwight’s still alive and Wes still hadn’t done anything wrong until just this very moment.

Sorry if I sound like I’m piling on, but every time I tried to connect to a piece of this story it fell out from under me. Maybe the time constraints just caught up to you. I think you’ll probably have something neat going on here if you take a little more time to uncover it. So I’d be interested in a rewrite just so I could find out what happened  

Congrats on getting an entry in!

I would validate most of the concerns mentioned. The water, while seemingly miraculous in its restorative powers, is not all that wonderful. The logline and the way this story unfolds, suggests there is some of kind of trade-off for any benefits.  Reminds me of the Monkey's Paw.

This story has a bumpy flow, which of course, can be smoothed in subsequent drafts.

Dwight's reanimation is dealt with very lightly here. No mention if he is in a trance or what. The focus is on the brother and sister.

I kinda like the ambiguity of the ending. Is Wes taking his sister back to the waters to cure her or kill her? His actions seem aggressive.  His state of mind has been in questions since his return home.  

Not much more to say. Hopefully the writer will step up with some answers. Good job for one week.

Congrats on completing the OWC!

I think the page count could've been halved if you were to rewrite and trim back the descriptions. Half of them read like a novel, a lot of them featuring things that wouldn't even show up on-screen. Also, for all of the description you had, much of it was clunky and confusing. I had to re-read things several times to understand what was going on and still didn't quite pick up on it.

As for the story itself, I think there's potential in there, but the technical issues really detract from it. Your rhythm of presentation seemed to be a bit off, too. Minor scenes last too long and the tension/anticipation dissipates before you reach your next major event.

So.

The couple doing it at the start was kinda outta nowhere.

Dwight's comment about Rose's face felt misplaced as well.  I would have thought that he would have asked her before the trek through the forest or maybe he was hesitant about asking her but thus far it doesn't seem like his style.  Maybe a couple stares from Dwight before he just had to ask?

For a couple of kids who were involved in an accidental death, they seemed a bit too composed and cool about it.  Maybe Wesley figured that the waters being magical and able to heal all wounds would revive Dwight somehow but after 10 days?  It just didn't click for me.

The very last passage confused me a bit.  Why was he forcing her head underwater?  If he would have explained how the water works, I'm sure she would have just dove in.  Do they have to die and be reborn again for wounds like that to heal?  If so, I don't see how Wesley's wounds healed.

Overall I liked this story.  Some parts were a bit too detailed for me and some grammar hiccups but it worked.  Great job.

Johnny

I kind of like this one but it left me with too many questions:

Not sure what the 'naked' scene was for...the R rating maybe?

Rose says she'll go if the others go but she then jumps first?

Why did Dwight go strange but Wesley didn't?  Is this why he blocked him in the cave?  If he was alive when blocked in the cave, how did he survive for 10 days without food?  

Why did he go to the Hitchen house?

How does the hospital know Dwight broke nearly every bone in his body if he is in fact unharmed?

If he is 'alive' why doesn't he say what happened or is it because he has gone 'strange'?

Is Wesley trying to drown his sister in the water that brought Dwight back to life?  If so, this makes no sense?

I enjoyed the opening to this story in the forest, except the first scene which could be cut, but then things become too confusing.  Shame as I think this has good potential.

Wesley fell?  Sorry to jump in head first, but I think you meant "the other guy" whose head met tree limb.  Also "looses", should be "loses".

Anywho, onto the review (pardon my raw eye for mistakes , even if I make a lot myself):

Personally, I didn't understand the ending.  I get "miraculous water" and "healing properties" and what-not, but it seemed less descriptive than I had hoped.

Potential rests within this story, and if not for the 12 page limit, I believe the writer could've written a more cohesive, coherent ending that sufficed my taste buds.

It's a great little cracker.  I understood a bit, but much was left to the imagination.

In my own mind, I felt like this was the scenario:

SOMETHING IN THE WATER.  There is a demon (perhaps?) or some kind of ancient toxin (maybe?) that rests within the water harboring healing capabilities, but also bears mind altering side effects that turn any who touch the water into mindless drones.

OR

To put a spin on a classic tale:  THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH.  Hmm?

A bit more explanation could aid my theory, but this was a well written piece, with a little too much at the end left to the reader's imagination for understanding what was IN the water that turned these kids into something more.

All in all, good piece, solid characters, a confusing yet fantasy-esque story, which leaves plenty to the imagination and leaves the reader wanting to know more.

Lee

Thanks to those who read and commented on this.  

I was left really   and   at the typos in this and the character-switch error in one scene - was a good pick-up by some. Being that I'm a real stickler for details I just had to 'suck it up' cause I had no time at all to proofread and I really wanted to enter, so...

By way of 'story' explanation this was a case of cut four pages of story and dialogue in the last half hour leading up to the deadline hence some of you were a lil confused with what was going on. That being said, I was really chuffed to see quite a few people got the essence of the story and liked the characters and the setting.

I really enjoyed this OWC. A big well-done to Jeff.