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ExtraTERRORestrial by Anonymous Becky - Short - As a hurricane rages, an alien bent on revenge must fight two other enemy space travellers, who have chosen an abandoned motel on Earth as their battleground. - pdf, format
That font on the title page zaps my eyes wife awake. Please, pretty please, 12point courier and don't BOLD TERROR. It gives me a bad feeling before I read. But that said----
Moving on...
Speaking of boldface, I don't mind the Bold header trend so much, but be aware not everyone worships that style. It has some uses, and advantages. I haven't warmed up to it much myself. At least you didn't go Blue.
I got something bold of my own. Here it is:
I wish I wrote this. This is outstanding work.
My favorite of the OWC thus far. No question. Take no prisoners kind of a script. Hits all requirements. Really, really nice. Probably from one of the Soulshadows alum.
Nothing really bad to say here, except that I'm not into characters crying. Even with a name like Pandora. To be filmed sometime next week, I'm sure...
Page 1. I really dug this 1st page. Nice visuals. Funny, I had the motel owner in the lobby on the iPad as well. Very funny with the dialogue too. You look exactly like that dude in the Bible.
Page 2. He stares into the dark night… I thought you said it was dusk?
Page 3. A mime-ish face? This must be written by a board member. LOL!
Page 6. You doing very well so far. I was not crazy however, about Pandora's line " how do you know?". Well it is a motel. Why else would someone come in if they were not looking for a room?
Page 8. I did not quite get why Devin punches the wall. Did I miss something?
Why would Devin tosss the picture if he still wanted it? I was also wondering why he did not take the picture with him when he left. Anyway, of the scripts I have read so far, this is my favorite. You managed to have aliens in this script and still keep it low budget and interesting characters as well. Congratulations! Well done!
Slick style, interesting descriptors, reads very well.
Alot going on here, including alot I don't realy follow, but the way it's written makes it seem like more than it probably is, but for a week's time, it's impressive.
There's alot about the storm, but in reality, there really isn't a hurricane that I can see, nor is there a choice between good and evil, really, but maybe I'm just not quite getting everything.
BUT, again, for a week's time, it's heads and shoulders above everythign else so far.
I'm impressed. Thank you...I needed a good effort after slogging through 8 very poor efforts and 1 decent one.
Some stuff I'm not sure I completely got because there's a lot packed in here and at times I think even felt overwritten. Less exposition could help. Also impressive that this wasn't two-talking heads, which I think most of these scripts are going to be.
I thought this was well-written (if not slightly over-written) cyber-steam-punky sci-fi. Unfortunately, I don't think it hit the mark on micro-budget and I don't think it would survive a cut down to size.
This was well written. And it seems as though I am on an island here, but I didn't really like it. The dialogue seemed very comic bookish. Especially Pandora's rhyming chant and the whole destruction of the world thingy.
Why was devin a martyr for his people if he did not die? Where was the super natural events in these characters past?
I thought this was well-written (if not slightly over-written) cyber-steam-punky sci-fi. Unfortunately, I don't think it hit the mark on micro-budget and I don't think it would survive a cut down to size.
This was definitely good overall, although there was most certainly some exposition that could go. That said, I'm more than guilty of that so who am I to be complaining?
I kind of got lost at the very end. I mean, I get that they're alien creatures but, seriously, what was up with the last half a page? To be honest, whether I understood it or not, the score isn't likely to improve because I was along for the ride anyway.
One small side note: iPad would be written that way, as it's a proper noun.