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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    The Quickie Challenge  ›  We Got An A - QC Moderators: MarkItZero
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  Author    We Got An A - QC  (currently 1021 views)
Stumpzian
Posted: August 22nd, 2017, 3:30pm Report to Moderator
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A is for Asparagus! You have the makings of something good here. It doesn't work as presented, but it could if the story is developed and if the technical problems are addressed.

Henry



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PrussianMosby
Posted: August 22nd, 2017, 11:03pm Report to Moderator
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A positive message and feel good type of storytelling here. For my taste, it has far too many characters for this short time frame. The script's overall impression could be delivered more intense when using fewer characters, and with that a more direct and deeper characterization. Good thoughts though, keep at it.


No End of Wolves   (9p - psychological horror)

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Angry Bear
Posted: August 23rd, 2017, 4:15pm Report to Moderator
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Hmmm. Not sure what went on here really. I read the beginning several times and I'm still struggling to visualize what was supposed to be going on.

I guess the old man was bitter because his son didn't want to take over the farm and therefore the farm went under. Old man wants to end his life early instead of waiting until he goes naturally, but then his son shows up with his granddaughter and says he's changed his mind and now they are family again. Is that it? If not, then you totally lost me.  


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pale yellow
Posted: August 23rd, 2017, 8:16pm Report to Moderator
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One thing ... when you jump around (timewise) a lot in a short script like this there is bound to be some confusion. I have had to go back and read as I'm getting confused by the top of page 2.

One problem I am having is that I'm not connecting to any of these characters. I do not know who's even the main character. Maybe there is just too much going on for three pages. Keep it simple. Is this about a guy going back to farming after he lost everything? Is this about his dying father? What did that scene in the church have to do with anything?

I hope I'm not being too harsh  here because there is some good stuff in the story .. it is just put down in a way that I cannot figure out which story to follow.

Good job getting a story up in three days. It's a tough challenge.


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