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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Simplyscripts Collaborative Effort  ›  Let's Get It On - You're It! Moderators: Mr. Blonde
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  Author    Let's Get It On - You're It!  (currently 5371 views)
Blakkwolfe
Posted: May 30th, 2010, 8:43am Report to Moderator
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Can I go next?


Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently - Dove Chocolate Wrapper
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jwent6688
Posted: May 30th, 2010, 9:10am Report to Moderator
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Wherever I go, there Jwent.

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There's no moderator on this, have a shot at it. Just say "I"m Next". I guess everyone else will just wait. This is a fun idea. We need to plan this a little bettter and would be really fun...


James


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Blakkwolfe
Posted: May 30th, 2010, 9:15am Report to Moderator
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INT. ICE CREAM TRUCK

Obviously, they do not sell frozen treats to nieghborhood children. It’s interior is decked out with all sorts of sophisticated looking equipment.

VICKI NORRIS, mid-30’s, long blonde hair in a tight pony tail with the glasses that make her look like a librarian stripper, sits on a stool next to Masked Man and the still unconcious Walter.


VICKI
So this is him?

Vicki stretches on some latex gloves.

MASKED MAN
Yep. Plucked him right out of Lian’s clutches.

Vicki examines his teeth, like a vet might check a horse.

VICKI
Damn, damn, damn. Look’s like she got the tooth.

Masked Man searches through Walter’s clothing. He finds the plastic gun, the Playboy with the 3D centerfold and a shopping list.

Vicki  grabs the list and studies it. This does not compute.

VICKI
Pull down his pants!

Masked man does so. Nothing much to see here. Average junk.

MASKED MAN
Fuck me down...

Vicki laughs.

VICKI
Alright. This means the Candiate is still out there, Lian DOES NOT have the tooth and we can still catch him!  And Fred...

FRED, the Masked Man, frowns.

VICKI
Pull his pants up, please. No girl want’s to look at that longer than she has to.

Fred turns back towards Walter.

The window behind him shatters as a shower of bullets tear through the door.

Fred is hit and falls to the floor as a spatter of red indicates where his brain used to be.

Instictively, Vicki drags Walter to the floor as bullets continue to fly.


Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently - Dove Chocolate Wrapper
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screenrider
Posted: May 30th, 2010, 9:37am Report to Moderator
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I'd like to call dibbs on the next page if no one minds.  This is getting good.
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screenrider
Posted: May 30th, 2010, 11:03am Report to Moderator
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EXT.  INDUSTRIAL AREA - STREET - NIGHT

The Ice cream truck is crashed into a toppled power pole.  Smoke pours out from underneath the crunched hood.  The driver is slumped over dead behind the steering wheel.

A trail of gasoline leaks from the truck slowly making its way toward an arcing power line on the street.

Five Yakuza armed to the teeth, creep out of the shadows.  Their leader, TAKESHI (40s) motions to his men.  

TAKESHI
Kill anything with a heartbeat
and get that tooth.

INT. ICE CREAM TRUCK - CONTINUOUS

Vicki, Walter and the Masked man lay unconscious.  She opes her eyes.

EXT.  STREET - CONTINUOS

The five Yakuza cautiously approach the truck, one swings open the back door to see Walter and the Masked Man still unconscious.

A WHISTLE.  They look up to see Vicki on top of the truck with an Uzi in each hand.

VICKI
Konichiwa.

TAKESHI
Son-of-a --

She opens fire mowing them down like sitting ducks.

INT.  TRUCK - CONTINUOUS

Walter regains consciousness and slowly sits up.  

WALTER
Where am I?

Vicki climbs down through a hatch on the roof.  

VICKI
You're not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy,
that's for damn sure.

She kneels beside the Masked Man, pulls off his mask to reveal a horribly deformed face scarred by third degree burns.  She feels his neck for a pulse.

VICKI
(grimaces)
Oh God, no.

She sobs.

WALTER
We're you close?

VICKI
He was my husband.

She wipes her eyes, takes a deep breath.  No time to cry.

VICKI
Let's go.

EXT.  STREET - NIGHT

Vicki and Walter exit the truck running for their lives.   They get fifty-feet away then it EXPLODES.

Walter stops in his tracks.

WALTER
I'm not taking another step
until you tell me what's going on!

VICKI
We screwed up.  

WALTER
You screwed up?  That's the understatement
of the century!  

VICKI
We thought you were the Candidate!
Apparently you're not!

WALTER
Then who is!?

VICKI
You have a twin brother, right?

WALTER
Yeah.

VICKI
We need to get to him immediately.

WALTER
You gotta be kidding.

INT.  MANSION - NIGHT

Lights dim, soft OPERA MUSIC, fire crackling in a fire place.

BORIS ROMANOFF (60's) aka, The Russian Terror, sits on a recliner, eyes closed, holding a glass of Brandy.   Andrei (40s) his burly right arm man, enters.

ANDREI
(Russian accent)
Boss?

BORIS
(eyes still closed)
What.

ANDREI
The yakuza screwed up.

BORIS
Screwed up?

ANDREI
They're dead.  

BORIS
And the tooth?

ANDREI
negative.   Our sources say at least one of the
Operatives escaped with the Candidate.  

BORIS
I see.

A long pause.

ANDREI
Boss?

BORIS
What.

ANDREI
I'm awaiting your instructions.

BORIS
Call the Carpenter.

Andrei's face cringes, that very name sends a chill down his spine.

ANDREI
The Carpenter?  But sir --

Boris opens his eyes, enraged.  

BORIS
I said call the f*cking Carpenter!  And tell him
to leave no stone unturned!  If I don't have that
tooth in my hands by tommorrow I'm gonna
burn this whole city to the f*cking ground!  
Do I make myself perfectly clear!

ANDREI
Yes, sir.

MANSION HALLWAY

Andrei walks out, pale a ghost.

ANDREI
The Carpenter.
(shudders)
God help us.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sorry, I went over one page. I got caught up in the moment.

Next:


Revision History (3 edits; 1 reasons shown)
screenrider  -  May 30th, 2010, 12:33pm
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jwent6688
Posted: May 30th, 2010, 11:50am Report to Moderator
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Wherever I go, there Jwent.

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Good job screen. Russian mafia. Yukaza. And the carpenter sounds like fun to write. Damm. Got four slabs of ribs smoking  and peeps coming over. Bit of a holiday weekend here stateside. I can't go next. But I'll be watching.


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Mr. Blonde
Posted: May 30th, 2010, 12:53pm Report to Moderator
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What good are choices if they're all bad?

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Sorry. It ended up being a sequence but I really couldn't find a proper place to stop it.

EXT. STREET - LATER

Vicki walks hastily down the street; Uzi in one hand, Walter’s collar in the other.

Walter tries to walk at her speed, but can’t.

WALTER
Wait. Stop. STOP!

Vicki stops, lets go of Walter. She glares at him.

WALTER
Can we please just rest for a moment?

VICKI
One.
(Checks watch)
Let’s go.

WALTER
Where are we going?

VICKI
Does it matter? If I told you we were going to see Thomas fucking Aquinas, you would not question my orders. Understood?

WALTER
Yeah, sure. Whatever, you know?

In the distance, the squealing of tires are apparent. This catches Vicki’s attention instantly.

VICKI
We need a car. Now.

WALTER
Why? What’s wrong?

VICKI
It’s him.

Vicki spots a red 2003 BMW 3-series parked by the curb. They both run to it.

The tires squeal again, closer, now.

Vicki kicks in the driver’s side window. She gets in, unlocks the passenger side door. Walter gets in.

I/E. BMW - CONTINUOUS

VICKI
Here. Take this.
(Hands Walter the Uzi)
We’ll need it in a minute.

Vicki fiddles around with wires under the steering wheel. Walter turns, looks out the back windshield.

Down the street, a car turns onto it at high speed, causing the tires to squeal the loudest.

WALTER
Uh, Vicki?

VICKI
I know.

The car, a custom, fully armor-plated 1968 Dodge Charger, speeds towards them.

WALTER
Vicki...

The car’s engine starts.

VICKI
Yes!

She shifts into drive. Both cars speed down the street, almost next to each other.

Walter watches through the driver’s side window.

VICKI
Shoot him! What do you think I gave you the fucking gun for?!

Walter nervously slides out through the passenger side window. He sits on the edge and fires a whole clip’s worth of bullets at it. No damage.

WALTER
It’s not doing anything.

VICKI
Get back in here!

The BMW takes a hard right at the intersection. The Charger is close behind.

VICKI
Get that crowd pleaser on the floor behind me.

Walter reaches behind Vicki’s seat. He pulls out a Chinese rocket launcher.

WALTER
Whoa.

Vicki snatches it from Walter’s hand.

VICKI
Take the wheel.

Vicki climbs out through the driver’s side window as Walter slides into the driver’s seat.

Vicki crouches on the roof, aims the rocket launcher at the Charger.

She fires it. The rocket hits the Charger square in the hood and explodes. The Charger is fine, but now, on fire.

Vicki gets a look of dismay on her face as she crawls back in the car through the passenger side window.

WALTER
Who the fuck is this guy and what does he want from us?

VICKI
Not us. You.
(Beat)
He’s known as The Carpenter.

WALTER
I don’t get it. What does he want?

VICKI
If I were to tell you that anyone involved in the Black Market wanted a piece of you, what would you say?

WALTER
(Nervous)
I’d say I’m fucked.

Behind them, a grenade launcher sticks out from the driver’s side window of the Charger.

A grenade is fired, hits the left rear tire of the BMW square.

The BMW does nearly a dozen barrel rolls down the street before coming to a dead stop.


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JonnyBoy
Posted: May 30th, 2010, 1:21pm Report to Moderator
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Me next! I'll have something within the next 40 mins.

This was a good idea, btw.


Guess who's back? Back again?

Revision History (6 edits; 1 reasons shown)
JonnyBoy  -  May 30th, 2010, 2:22pm
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JonnyBoy
Posted: May 30th, 2010, 2:23pm Report to Moderator
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INT. MANSION - OFFICE - NIGHT

Andrei sits at his desk, feet up on the surface, phone tucked between his ear and shoulder.

ANDREI
(into phone)
And I'm telling you, if Mr. Romanoff doesn't get his shipment by the end of the week, neither he nor I can be held responsible for any mishap that might befall you. Hey, I'm just saying, the world's a dangerous place. People die in freak chainsaw accidents all the time. Frank, please. Don't shout at me. I'm not saying that anything will --

His pocket starts to BUZZ. He reaches in, pulls out his cellphone.

His face pales as he sees who's calling. He takes his feet off the desk, sits up straight.

ANDREI (CONTD.)
(into phone)
Frank, I have to go. Get your house in order, you hear me?

He puts the handset back in its cradle, clears his throat, then answers his cell.

ANDREI (CONTD.)
(into phone)
Andrei here. He's at the gates? Good. I'm coming out.

He hangs up, sighs.

ANDREI (CONTD.)
Well, here we go.

EXT. MANSION - NIGHT

The charred Dodge pulls to a halt in front of the mansion steps. Andrei comes down to meet it.

The driver door of the car opens, and a BURLY MAN in an overcoat steps out. He's tall, built like a mountain, and wears a SKULL MASK OF CARVED MAHOGANY over his face.

This is the CARPENTER.

Andrei reaches the bottom of the steps.

ANDREI
Well? Where is he?

Without speaking, the Carpenter walks to the back of the car, opens the trunk, and hauls something out. He drags it round, then dumps it at Andrei's feet. WALTER - blackened, bloodied, but alive.

Andrei smiles.

ANDREI
Excellent. And the Operative?

The Carpenter just shakes his head.

Walter lies on the ground, groaning. Andrei squats down next to him, speaks reassuringly.

ANDREI
Walter, my name is Andrei. I'm sure you're very confused right now, and I'm sorry for everything you've been through today. I want to assure you, you're safe with us. My employer is waiting inside, and he's very, very keen to speak to you. Will you come with me?

Walter just looks up at him with wide, wild eyes.


Guess who's back? Back again?
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screenrider
Posted: May 30th, 2010, 2:43pm Report to Moderator
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JohnnyBoy,

What happened to Vicki?  ...I liked her.  

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Mr. Blonde
Posted: May 30th, 2010, 3:14pm Report to Moderator
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What good are choices if they're all bad?

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Quoted from screenrider
JohnnyBoy,

What happened to Vicki?  ...I liked her.  


The Carpenter shook his head. She must've gotten away. For now...

I'm liking how this is going so far, though.


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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: May 30th, 2010, 3:38pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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I think you guys are doing a good job from an action standpoint. What else would one expect? Men.  

The additions of the ice-cream truck, though cliche are indeed good ones.

My problem is that I really don't have any sympathy for the characters. Certainly not Walter. To me he's just a rag-doll being dragged around.

A lot of guns and blowing things up and I think that if this is combined with some moments of "sitting still" then you will be able to develop story aspects more.

What is that rule about giving your audience a breather?

The fact that Walter seems to know how to even work that gun seems suspect. Also, I'm wondering about how these "in the know" characters wouldn't know that Walter had a twin.

I'd like to see more from the Walter character as it stands. He seems so very dopey compared to Vicki and all like "Help me I'm stupid." I don't know if you follow what I'm saying, but if they're after him for his tooth, I think he'd know his placement in "the world", unless of course, his twin brother was involved in some kind of top-secret operation that not even Walter knew about. That, would certainly make sense.

Good job guys!! Keep it rolling.

Sandra



A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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screenrider
Posted: May 30th, 2010, 3:43pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Sandra Elstree.

unless of course, his twin brother was involved in some kind of top-secret operation that not even Walter knew about. That, would certainly make sense.


Bingo.  

or...

Maybe there's more to Walter than meets the eye.
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Mr. Blonde
Posted: May 30th, 2010, 4:05pm Report to Moderator
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What good are choices if they're all bad?

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Hey, I'm just rolling with what everyone else was doing. As for the action scenes and knowing how to work guns, for the most part, enough movie watching can teach a person just about anything.

I'd be willing to try and write an explanation sequence, but while Walter is in the Russians' clutches, that makes it difficult to do at the moment. Unless, of course, they're the good guys protecting him from Vicki.

I think we should keep this going as long as possible, then maybe when it ends, actually try to make a solid plot of it and go for a real story.


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Ryan1
Posted: May 30th, 2010, 4:08pm Report to Moderator
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Well, we're at 11 pages now.  Seeing as how this was supposed to be a 10 page script, I'd say we need to wrap this up and get some answers.
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