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There's no moderator on this, have a shot at it. Just say "I"m Next". I guess everyone else will just wait. This is a fun idea. We need to plan this a little bettter and would be really fun...
Obviously, they do not sell frozen treats to nieghborhood children. It’s interior is decked out with all sorts of sophisticated looking equipment.
VICKI NORRIS, mid-30’s, long blonde hair in a tight pony tail with the glasses that make her look like a librarian stripper, sits on a stool next to Masked Man and the still unconcious Walter.
VICKI So this is him?
Vicki stretches on some latex gloves.
MASKED MAN Yep. Plucked him right out of Lian’s clutches.
Vicki examines his teeth, like a vet might check a horse.
VICKI Damn, damn, damn. Look’s like she got the tooth.
Masked Man searches through Walter’s clothing. He finds the plastic gun, the Playboy with the 3D centerfold and a shopping list.
Vicki grabs the list and studies it. This does not compute.
VICKI Pull down his pants!
Masked man does so. Nothing much to see here. Average junk.
MASKED MAN Fuck me down...
Vicki laughs.
VICKI Alright. This means the Candiate is still out there, Lian DOES NOT have the tooth and we can still catch him! And Fred...
FRED, the Masked Man, frowns.
VICKI Pull his pants up, please. No girl want’s to look at that longer than she has to.
Fred turns back towards Walter.
The window behind him shatters as a shower of bullets tear through the door.
Fred is hit and falls to the floor as a spatter of red indicates where his brain used to be.
Instictively, Vicki drags Walter to the floor as bullets continue to fly.
Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently - Dove Chocolate Wrapper
The Ice cream truck is crashed into a toppled power pole. Smoke pours out from underneath the crunched hood. The driver is slumped over dead behind the steering wheel.
A trail of gasoline leaks from the truck slowly making its way toward an arcing power line on the street.
Five Yakuza armed to the teeth, creep out of the shadows. Their leader, TAKESHI (40s) motions to his men.
TAKESHI Kill anything with a heartbeat and get that tooth.
INT. ICE CREAM TRUCK - CONTINUOUS
Vicki, Walter and the Masked man lay unconscious. She opes her eyes.
EXT. STREET - CONTINUOS
The five Yakuza cautiously approach the truck, one swings open the back door to see Walter and the Masked Man still unconscious.
A WHISTLE. They look up to see Vicki on top of the truck with an Uzi in each hand.
VICKI Konichiwa.
TAKESHI Son-of-a --
She opens fire mowing them down like sitting ducks.
INT. TRUCK - CONTINUOUS
Walter regains consciousness and slowly sits up.
WALTER Where am I?
Vicki climbs down through a hatch on the roof.
VICKI You're not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy, that's for damn sure.
She kneels beside the Masked Man, pulls off his mask to reveal a horribly deformed face scarred by third degree burns. She feels his neck for a pulse.
VICKI (grimaces) Oh God, no.
She sobs.
WALTER We're you close?
VICKI He was my husband.
She wipes her eyes, takes a deep breath. No time to cry.
VICKI Let's go.
EXT. STREET - NIGHT
Vicki and Walter exit the truck running for their lives. They get fifty-feet away then it EXPLODES.
Walter stops in his tracks.
WALTER I'm not taking another step until you tell me what's going on!
VICKI We screwed up.
WALTER You screwed up? That's the understatement of the century!
VICKI We thought you were the Candidate! Apparently you're not!
WALTER Then who is!?
VICKI You have a twin brother, right?
WALTER Yeah.
VICKI We need to get to him immediately.
WALTER You gotta be kidding.
INT. MANSION - NIGHT
Lights dim, soft OPERA MUSIC, fire crackling in a fire place.
BORIS ROMANOFF (60's) aka, The Russian Terror, sits on a recliner, eyes closed, holding a glass of Brandy. Andrei (40s) his burly right arm man, enters.
ANDREI (Russian accent) Boss?
BORIS (eyes still closed) What.
ANDREI The yakuza screwed up.
BORIS Screwed up?
ANDREI They're dead.
BORIS And the tooth?
ANDREI negative. Our sources say at least one of the Operatives escaped with the Candidate.
BORIS I see.
A long pause.
ANDREI Boss?
BORIS What.
ANDREI I'm awaiting your instructions.
BORIS Call the Carpenter.
Andrei's face cringes, that very name sends a chill down his spine.
ANDREI The Carpenter? But sir --
Boris opens his eyes, enraged.
BORIS I said call the f*cking Carpenter! And tell him to leave no stone unturned! If I don't have that tooth in my hands by tommorrow I'm gonna burn this whole city to the f*cking ground! Do I make myself perfectly clear!
Good job screen. Russian mafia. Yukaza. And the carpenter sounds like fun to write. Damm. Got four slabs of ribs smoking and peeps coming over. Bit of a holiday weekend here stateside. I can't go next. But I'll be watching.
Andrei sits at his desk, feet up on the surface, phone tucked between his ear and shoulder.
ANDREI (into phone) And I'm telling you, if Mr. Romanoff doesn't get his shipment by the end of the week, neither he nor I can be held responsible for any mishap that might befall you. Hey, I'm just saying, the world's a dangerous place. People die in freak chainsaw accidents all the time. Frank, please. Don't shout at me. I'm not saying that anything will --
His pocket starts to BUZZ. He reaches in, pulls out his cellphone.
His face pales as he sees who's calling. He takes his feet off the desk, sits up straight.
ANDREI (CONTD.) (into phone) Frank, I have to go. Get your house in order, you hear me?
He puts the handset back in its cradle, clears his throat, then answers his cell.
ANDREI (CONTD.) (into phone) Andrei here. He's at the gates? Good. I'm coming out.
He hangs up, sighs.
ANDREI (CONTD.) Well, here we go.
EXT. MANSION - NIGHT
The charred Dodge pulls to a halt in front of the mansion steps. Andrei comes down to meet it.
The driver door of the car opens, and a BURLY MAN in an overcoat steps out. He's tall, built like a mountain, and wears a SKULL MASK OF CARVED MAHOGANY over his face.
This is the CARPENTER.
Andrei reaches the bottom of the steps.
ANDREI Well? Where is he?
Without speaking, the Carpenter walks to the back of the car, opens the trunk, and hauls something out. He drags it round, then dumps it at Andrei's feet. WALTER - blackened, bloodied, but alive.
Andrei smiles.
ANDREI Excellent. And the Operative?
The Carpenter just shakes his head.
Walter lies on the ground, groaning. Andrei squats down next to him, speaks reassuringly.
ANDREI Walter, my name is Andrei. I'm sure you're very confused right now, and I'm sorry for everything you've been through today. I want to assure you, you're safe with us. My employer is waiting inside, and he's very, very keen to speak to you. Will you come with me?
I think you guys are doing a good job from an action standpoint. What else would one expect? Men.
The additions of the ice-cream truck, though cliche are indeed good ones.
My problem is that I really don't have any sympathy for the characters. Certainly not Walter. To me he's just a rag-doll being dragged around.
A lot of guns and blowing things up and I think that if this is combined with some moments of "sitting still" then you will be able to develop story aspects more.
What is that rule about giving your audience a breather?
The fact that Walter seems to know how to even work that gun seems suspect. Also, I'm wondering about how these "in the know" characters wouldn't know that Walter had a twin.
I'd like to see more from the Walter character as it stands. He seems so very dopey compared to Vicki and all like "Help me I'm stupid." I don't know if you follow what I'm saying, but if they're after him for his tooth, I think he'd know his placement in "the world", unless of course, his twin brother was involved in some kind of top-secret operation that not even Walter knew about. That, would certainly make sense.
unless of course, his twin brother was involved in some kind of top-secret operation that not even Walter knew about. That, would certainly make sense.
Hey, I'm just rolling with what everyone else was doing. As for the action scenes and knowing how to work guns, for the most part, enough movie watching can teach a person just about anything.
I'd be willing to try and write an explanation sequence, but while Walter is in the Russians' clutches, that makes it difficult to do at the moment. Unless, of course, they're the good guys protecting him from Vicki.
I think we should keep this going as long as possible, then maybe when it ends, actually try to make a solid plot of it and go for a real story.
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Let's Get It On - You're It!
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