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Ha. I would but I'm at the pub. Watching from my phone. Good start thought. Yes, my girls already pitturbed with me for writing this message. Good luck. I think fat guy choked on a salami.
Ha. I would but I'm at the pub. Watching from my phone. Good start thought. Yes, my girls already pitturbed with me for writing this message. Good luck. I think fat guy choked on a salami.
Gawdawful, but how's it that women do that to a man.
God bless you jwent, and give a le chaim to your girlfriend for me and tell her (from me) to treat you to the best tonight.
EDIT: I'm kind of disappointed in me. I had to edit about half a page worth of stuff to make this fit. That's probably why it feels rushed. =( Sorry.
Man! Don't apologize!!!! Damn you're playing the game and I for one just read it and am intrigued!
Listen up everyone, you can ignore me because I'm not playing, but here's the deal:
From Mr. Blonde's dialogue, I was imagining that the pathologist, Larry, he was imagining talking to Ed. I was thinking that there might be a connection between them somehow.
Anyways, I thought it was really strong.
This here:
LARRY You killed him? Like, murdered him?
ED (Nods) Not murdered, per se. Let’s leave it at, I made him die.
We can suppose his death in many ways. It's left very open.
Walter begins to backpedal. He lowers his toy gun, shakes his head.
WALTER It’s not real, it’s just...
COP I said freeze!
Walter staggers backward toward a door. He opens it, quickly shuts it behind him.
INT. STOCKROOM - NIGHT
Walter runs through the stockroom, throws open another door.
EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT
Walter finds himself in a grungy alley behind the store. A seven foot brick wall stands in front of him. He runs to a garbage can, jumps on it, then scales the wall.
EXT. BACKYARD - NIGHT
Walter runs through a backyard. He hears sirens converging around him.
EXT. STREET - NIGHT
Walter runs across a street. He sees blue and red lights reflected off nearby houses. Tires squeal about a block away.
INT. BACKYARD - NIGHT
Walter enters another backyard. Nearby, he hears cops running on foot.
Sweating, gasping, desperate, Walter sees the back door to the house next to him is slightly ajar. He runs inside.
INT. HOUSE - NIGHT
Walter shuts the door behind him. He huddles in a cramped, dark room. He hears policemen call to each other outside.
An adjacent door opens, light floods the room. A short, squat MAN, fully cloaked in a black robe, fills the doorway.
I went camping once. With two other fellas. It got sticky and sore and very unseemly. I shan't be going again. I like toilets and sinks with carpet. That never get damp. And drains. Ah, I knew had to do something. Now, did I leave my trowel near my keys? And where the hell is the shovel gone?
Walter gasps as the man removes his hood. His entire face and bald head are covered with tattoos.
WALTER Yes...Yes I am.
MAN By what name are you known, candidate?
Walter pauses. The man’s eye socket makes up the thorax of a vicious looking spider that adorns the left side of his face.
WALTER Peter. Peter Parker.
The man looks Walter over. He’s pale, sweaty and decidedly non-inked.
MAN Very well, Mr. Parker. Nothing pleases her more than a blank canvas on which to paint. Come. We’ll see if she approves.
Walter frowns as the man leads him into another room.
INT. THE OFFICE.
The man leads Walter into what appears to be an abandoned dentists office. The chair, sharp instruments and overhead light are rusted and filthy.
The wrist restraints appear new.
In addition to rusty tools, the counters are covered with small, brightly colored vials that are stacked as high as possible, looking like the smallest bump would send them all to the floor.
The man motions for Walter to sit in the chair.
Walter brushes off a few cockroaches and takes a seat.
The man's face contorts in a sneer.
MAN She will be with you shortly, candidate. In the meantime, I strongly suggest that you remove your pants.
Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently - Dove Chocolate Wrapper
Wow, you guys had me fooled. I thought Walter was completely insane. And then I thought he was going to get some kind of extraordinary tattoo.
I don't know what they're gonna do or why, but maybe he should pulls some mental gymnastics and go back to that store to pick up the goodies for his wife and be a "Nice Walter".
Wow, you guys had me fooled. I thought Walter was completely insane. And then I thought he was going to get some kind of extraordinary tattoo.
I don't know what they're gonna do or why, but maybe he should pulls some mental gymnastics and go back to that store to pick up the goodies for his wife and be a "Nice Walter".
Sandra
For my part, I was planning a tattoo, but I couldn't get the right tone for it. So, I went with a "wrong place, wrong time"-type thing.
For my part, I was planning a tattoo, but I couldn't get the right tone for it. So, I went with a "wrong place, wrong time"-type thing.
That's interesting. I want to know more about why he doesn't like his wife. The "yeah right" in the dialogue has me more curious than anything.
And you know what? Ima thinkin' that maybe, (it would need to be rewritten ('cause I'm crazy about rewrites) (and lots of parentheses ) but it would be interesting if Walter's wife sent him to the store specifically, I mean SPECIFICALLY and she's set him up?
Perhaps. Perhaps. Perhaps.
Maybe she's trying to get something from him? Like real love? Something to bring him out of himself? His insane love of Crime dramas?
Good work so far lads, and a nice jump off point for me there, Blonde.
What kind of person would I be if I didn't? =)
EDIT: Sandra, of my part, I had a song I wanted her to put on before she leaned in to Larry. It was supposed to be "You're So Vain" by Carly Simon. But, alas, I ran out of space. I needed about four mores lines. Need to work on my script space management. =(
It's funny. I put this whole thing together in FD and am reading through it. This thing is all over the place, but given enough time, there could actually be a real story here.
Perhaps a little too much. I think we often confuse horror with story.
Why are these guys doing all this bad stuff? What is their motivation?
Sandra
My idea of this dentist thing was you have these backroom doctors who are a little fucked in the head. But, now, it grows even further. What will we get next?
My idea of this dentist thing was you have these backroom doctors who are a little fucked in the head. But, now, it grows even further. What will we get next?
I like your idea. I'm just trying to go deeper into the catalyst of this whole thing.
He was watching Television. He doesn't have a good relationship with his wife. It's suspect that he might be treading on insanity. And why? Did something happen to him? Does his wife really love him? Is she trying to bring him back around? Using harsh means?
THROUGH A SCOPE Dr. Lian and the man surround Walter.
THE MAN You know why I’m here?
WALTER No. No, I don’t.
THE MAN You don’t remember anything?
WALTER What do you want from me?
The man studies the bloody tooth.
THE MAN You’re the only one. Unfortunately it’s made you insane.
WALTER You’re insane. Just let me go.
THE MAN I can’t. The cure for cancer lies within your teeth. Obviously, it’s had counter-productive effects on you’re mentality. Hallucinations. Paranoia. First try though.
WALTER I don’t understand. I just wanna go home.
THE MAN This is...
A barrage of bullets mow down the man and Dr. Lian. Walter leans down. Sobs.
WALTER Please. God. help me!
A masked man walks in...
MASKED MAN God doesn't care. Neither do I.
That said, the masked man pulls a knife. Cuts Walters restraints.
THROUGH A SCOPE Dr. Lian and the man surround Walter.
THE MAN You know why I’m here?
WALTER No. No, I don’t.
THE MAN You don’t remember anything?
WALTER What do you want from me?
The man studies the bloody tooth.
THE MAN You’re the only one. Unfortunately it’s made you insane.
WALTER You’re insane. Just let me go.
THE MAN I can’t. The cure for cancer lies within your teeth. Obviously, it’s had counter-productive effects on you’re mentality. Hallucinations. Paranoia. First try though.
WALTER I don’t understand. I just wanna go home.
THE MAN This is...
A barrage of bullets mow down the man and Dr. Lian. Walter leans down. Sobs.
WALTER Please. God. help me!
A masked man walks in...
MASKED MAN God doesn't care. Neither do I.
That said, the masked man pulls a knife. Cuts Walters restraints.
MASKED MAN Come with me.
Excellent jwent! Now we have a clue. They're after a cure. Strong motivation. What is his link to this ring? How did they find out this peculiarity about him?
Was he involved in a research study previous to this? Was his involvement a way to earn some cash that he desperately needed?
Walter and the Masked Man continue to run down the damp, abandoned street. Suddenly, Walter stops in his tracks.
WALTER If you don't tell me what is going on right now -
The Masked Man turns to Walter - grabs his collar.
MASKED MAN I don't care who you are, what you do, if you have a lovely family or live alone and pleasure yourself every night to episodes of Ellen... if you don't come with me right now, I am going to shove this gun in your temple, and you will pass. The. Fuck. Out.
The Masked Man positions his gun ready to strike Walter.
Pause.
WALTER All I want to know -
WHACK! Walter crumples to the ground. The Masked Man picks him up over his shoulder, continues to run down the street.
As the Masked Man gets to the end of the street, an icecream van pulls up, boppy music blaring. The door opens, The Masked Man jumps in, and the van quickly drives off, as icecream falls from the truck onto the road.
There's no moderator on this, have a shot at it. Just say "I"m Next". I guess everyone else will just wait. This is a fun idea. We need to plan this a little bettter and would be really fun...
Obviously, they do not sell frozen treats to nieghborhood children. It’s interior is decked out with all sorts of sophisticated looking equipment.
VICKI NORRIS, mid-30’s, long blonde hair in a tight pony tail with the glasses that make her look like a librarian stripper, sits on a stool next to Masked Man and the still unconcious Walter.
VICKI So this is him?
Vicki stretches on some latex gloves.
MASKED MAN Yep. Plucked him right out of Lian’s clutches.
Vicki examines his teeth, like a vet might check a horse.
VICKI Damn, damn, damn. Look’s like she got the tooth.
Masked Man searches through Walter’s clothing. He finds the plastic gun, the Playboy with the 3D centerfold and a shopping list.
Vicki grabs the list and studies it. This does not compute.
VICKI Pull down his pants!
Masked man does so. Nothing much to see here. Average junk.
MASKED MAN Fuck me down...
Vicki laughs.
VICKI Alright. This means the Candiate is still out there, Lian DOES NOT have the tooth and we can still catch him! And Fred...
FRED, the Masked Man, frowns.
VICKI Pull his pants up, please. No girl want’s to look at that longer than she has to.
Fred turns back towards Walter.
The window behind him shatters as a shower of bullets tear through the door.
Fred is hit and falls to the floor as a spatter of red indicates where his brain used to be.
Instictively, Vicki drags Walter to the floor as bullets continue to fly.
Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently - Dove Chocolate Wrapper
The Ice cream truck is crashed into a toppled power pole. Smoke pours out from underneath the crunched hood. The driver is slumped over dead behind the steering wheel.
A trail of gasoline leaks from the truck slowly making its way toward an arcing power line on the street.
Five Yakuza armed to the teeth, creep out of the shadows. Their leader, TAKESHI (40s) motions to his men.
TAKESHI Kill anything with a heartbeat and get that tooth.
INT. ICE CREAM TRUCK - CONTINUOUS
Vicki, Walter and the Masked man lay unconscious. She opes her eyes.
EXT. STREET - CONTINUOS
The five Yakuza cautiously approach the truck, one swings open the back door to see Walter and the Masked Man still unconscious.
A WHISTLE. They look up to see Vicki on top of the truck with an Uzi in each hand.
VICKI Konichiwa.
TAKESHI Son-of-a --
She opens fire mowing them down like sitting ducks.
INT. TRUCK - CONTINUOUS
Walter regains consciousness and slowly sits up.
WALTER Where am I?
Vicki climbs down through a hatch on the roof.
VICKI You're not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy, that's for damn sure.
She kneels beside the Masked Man, pulls off his mask to reveal a horribly deformed face scarred by third degree burns. She feels his neck for a pulse.
VICKI (grimaces) Oh God, no.
She sobs.
WALTER We're you close?
VICKI He was my husband.
She wipes her eyes, takes a deep breath. No time to cry.
VICKI Let's go.
EXT. STREET - NIGHT
Vicki and Walter exit the truck running for their lives. They get fifty-feet away then it EXPLODES.
Walter stops in his tracks.
WALTER I'm not taking another step until you tell me what's going on!
VICKI We screwed up.
WALTER You screwed up? That's the understatement of the century!
VICKI We thought you were the Candidate! Apparently you're not!
WALTER Then who is!?
VICKI You have a twin brother, right?
WALTER Yeah.
VICKI We need to get to him immediately.
WALTER You gotta be kidding.
INT. MANSION - NIGHT
Lights dim, soft OPERA MUSIC, fire crackling in a fire place.
BORIS ROMANOFF (60's) aka, The Russian Terror, sits on a recliner, eyes closed, holding a glass of Brandy. Andrei (40s) his burly right arm man, enters.
ANDREI (Russian accent) Boss?
BORIS (eyes still closed) What.
ANDREI The yakuza screwed up.
BORIS Screwed up?
ANDREI They're dead.
BORIS And the tooth?
ANDREI negative. Our sources say at least one of the Operatives escaped with the Candidate.
BORIS I see.
A long pause.
ANDREI Boss?
BORIS What.
ANDREI I'm awaiting your instructions.
BORIS Call the Carpenter.
Andrei's face cringes, that very name sends a chill down his spine.
ANDREI The Carpenter? But sir --
Boris opens his eyes, enraged.
BORIS I said call the f*cking Carpenter! And tell him to leave no stone unturned! If I don't have that tooth in my hands by tommorrow I'm gonna burn this whole city to the f*cking ground! Do I make myself perfectly clear!
Good job screen. Russian mafia. Yukaza. And the carpenter sounds like fun to write. Damm. Got four slabs of ribs smoking and peeps coming over. Bit of a holiday weekend here stateside. I can't go next. But I'll be watching.
Andrei sits at his desk, feet up on the surface, phone tucked between his ear and shoulder.
ANDREI (into phone) And I'm telling you, if Mr. Romanoff doesn't get his shipment by the end of the week, neither he nor I can be held responsible for any mishap that might befall you. Hey, I'm just saying, the world's a dangerous place. People die in freak chainsaw accidents all the time. Frank, please. Don't shout at me. I'm not saying that anything will --
His pocket starts to BUZZ. He reaches in, pulls out his cellphone.
His face pales as he sees who's calling. He takes his feet off the desk, sits up straight.
ANDREI (CONTD.) (into phone) Frank, I have to go. Get your house in order, you hear me?
He puts the handset back in its cradle, clears his throat, then answers his cell.
ANDREI (CONTD.) (into phone) Andrei here. He's at the gates? Good. I'm coming out.
He hangs up, sighs.
ANDREI (CONTD.) Well, here we go.
EXT. MANSION - NIGHT
The charred Dodge pulls to a halt in front of the mansion steps. Andrei comes down to meet it.
The driver door of the car opens, and a BURLY MAN in an overcoat steps out. He's tall, built like a mountain, and wears a SKULL MASK OF CARVED MAHOGANY over his face.
This is the CARPENTER.
Andrei reaches the bottom of the steps.
ANDREI Well? Where is he?
Without speaking, the Carpenter walks to the back of the car, opens the trunk, and hauls something out. He drags it round, then dumps it at Andrei's feet. WALTER - blackened, bloodied, but alive.
Andrei smiles.
ANDREI Excellent. And the Operative?
The Carpenter just shakes his head.
Walter lies on the ground, groaning. Andrei squats down next to him, speaks reassuringly.
ANDREI Walter, my name is Andrei. I'm sure you're very confused right now, and I'm sorry for everything you've been through today. I want to assure you, you're safe with us. My employer is waiting inside, and he's very, very keen to speak to you. Will you come with me?
I think you guys are doing a good job from an action standpoint. What else would one expect? Men.
The additions of the ice-cream truck, though cliche are indeed good ones.
My problem is that I really don't have any sympathy for the characters. Certainly not Walter. To me he's just a rag-doll being dragged around.
A lot of guns and blowing things up and I think that if this is combined with some moments of "sitting still" then you will be able to develop story aspects more.
What is that rule about giving your audience a breather?
The fact that Walter seems to know how to even work that gun seems suspect. Also, I'm wondering about how these "in the know" characters wouldn't know that Walter had a twin.
I'd like to see more from the Walter character as it stands. He seems so very dopey compared to Vicki and all like "Help me I'm stupid." I don't know if you follow what I'm saying, but if they're after him for his tooth, I think he'd know his placement in "the world", unless of course, his twin brother was involved in some kind of top-secret operation that not even Walter knew about. That, would certainly make sense.
unless of course, his twin brother was involved in some kind of top-secret operation that not even Walter knew about. That, would certainly make sense.
Hey, I'm just rolling with what everyone else was doing. As for the action scenes and knowing how to work guns, for the most part, enough movie watching can teach a person just about anything.
I'd be willing to try and write an explanation sequence, but while Walter is in the Russians' clutches, that makes it difficult to do at the moment. Unless, of course, they're the good guys protecting him from Vicki.
I think we should keep this going as long as possible, then maybe when it ends, actually try to make a solid plot of it and go for a real story.
The Carpenter is Walter's estranged father, a brilliant scientist, thought to have died in mysterious circumstances long ago, who came up with something-or-other (whatever you like). He hid it inside a false tooth that was implanted into Walter's twin brother's mouth.
At the end of the script the Carpenter will sacrifice himself to save the lives of his sons and will destroy whatever everyone's been looking for, even though it is the culmination of his life's work. In doing so, he will atone for the sins he has commited in his life (in no way does this bear any relation to Anakin Skywalker).
What I like about this resolution is that it is cheesy and ridiculous. I literally just came up with it now - pay no attention.
I just hope whoever unmasks the Carpenter has a cool idea up their sleeves...
You don't think we're a little late for that? Think of how this one started... =)
Lol
EDIT: I guess this one will be a lesson learned. If we dig too deep then we'll have to figure a way to climb back out. Keep this in mind for the next script.
Does anyone want to try and write another scene of this? If not, I have something in my head which would basically end the story but it'd be long. So, call dibbs. =)
You don't think we're a little late for that? Think of how this one started... =)
Haha, very true, blonde. Next time we do this, we should have a rule that says you need to use the characters that have already been established, and then expand the story from there. For this script, the first two pages turned out to be nothing but a tv show(no offense screenrider, I do love your writing style). But with short scripts like this, every single page and line is precious.
The tricky part of ending this now is that it's been established that Walter is not the candidate, and that the tooth is still out there(sounds like the x-files)
Glad someone called out screen for his initial faux pas. two pages wasted. now who's gonna finish? This has become too big. Thought I added a decent turning point with the all curing tooth. Ryan is right about pharm companies. But I don't think they want the cure to make money. They want the cure to bury it so they can continue making much more then they would on a cure.
I say pharm co. wins. lesson learned. At least a bit eye opening. Could be finished in a page or two... was fun though.
Okay, I'll finish it off. Should have something up in a little while.
I had this crazy notion in my head. And, I'm bored so I'm just going to go ahead with my ending. Ryan's will be official, but I just want to have something to compare it to. See how they turn out. Ryan, I hope you're cool with that. =)
Here's how I ended it. Went over one page, but considering everything that went on in this story, i had a lot to tie up.
INT. ROMANOFF’S MANSION - NIGHT
Walter sits tied to a chair, his hands lashed behind his back. Romanoff approaches him, takes a sip from his snifter of brandy.
ROMANOFF Hello, Walter. I apologize for your discomfort.
WALTER You got the wrong guy! I’m not the candidate! There’s nothing in my tooth!
ROMANOFF We’re a little beyond that at this point. Now, I have one simple question for you, so I’d like you to listen very carefully.
Romanoff sets the snifter on a table, slowly walks over to Walter. Then, he lunges forward and screams in his face. A completely different voice booms from his mouth.
PARAMEDIC #1 (V.O.) Where the hell is that Ringer’s lactate?
A flash of white.
INT. CONVENIENCE STORE - NIGHT Walter lies on the floor of the convenience store, soaked in a pool of his own blood. TWO PARAMEDICS work desperately on him.
Paramedic #2 hands his colleague a syringe.
PARAMEDIC #2 Ringer’s lactate.
Paramedic #1 finds an artery in Walter’s arm and injects it. He looks to the electronic blood pressure monitor...a uneven pattern of peaks and valleys.
PARAMEDIC #1 I can’t stop the blood loss. I think the bullet hit the aorta. We’re losing him. Let’s get him on the gurney.
They hoist Walter onto the gurney. Walter mumbles through his oxygen mask.
WALTER Not my tooth...candidate...
A COP watches as they wheel Walter toward the ambulance outside. He holds a wallet in his hand.
COP What’s he saying?
PARAMEDIC #1 No idea. He’s been mumbling some stuff about a candidate and a tooth for the last couple of minutes. He’s hallucinating.
COP Is he gonna make it?
They load Walter into the back of the ambulance. Just before he shuts the back doors, Paramedic #1 looks at the cop, somberly shakes his head. The ambulance takes off into the night, sirens blaring.
The Cop walks around the store counter. There, he sees the Asian clerk, sitting on the floor. She wraps her arms around her folded legs, but still can’t control her trembling. A female cop holds a reassuring hand on her shoulder.
The Cop walks to the backroom, where a DETECTIVE watches the playback from the security camera. It shows Walter grabbing the toy gun from the shelf and pointing it at the Junkie.
The Junkie turns, sees Walter and fires. Then, he runs from the store in a panic.
DETECTIVE What a crazy bastard. Why would he point a toy gun at an armed crackhead?
COP No idea. But he probably saved the clerk’s life.
DETECTIVE You id him?
The Cop opens the wallet in his hand, pulls out a driver’s license and U.S. Postal Service id card.
COP Walter Meadows. Age forty-seven. Mailman.
INT. AMBULANCE - NIGHT Paramedic #1 slams a syringe of adrenaline directly into Walter’s heart. He looks to the bp monitor. Flatline.
Dejected, he looks at Walter, removes the oxygen mask.
PARAMEDIC #1 Sorry, buddy.
As Paramedic #1 turns away, the barest hint of a grin appears on Walter’s face.
INT. ROMANOFF’S MANSION - NIGHT Walter still sits tied to the chair. Romanoff stands before him, arms crossed, a sarcastic smirk on his face.
ROMANOFF Sorry, buddy.
WALTER Me, too.
Walter bursts from the chair. The rope holding his arms shreds like confetti. He grabs Romanoff’s chin with one hand and yanks his head sideways, breaking the neck.
Andrei and the Carpenter run into the room. Walter judo chops Andrei’s neck, breaking it. He then delivers a thunderous right hook which shatters the Carpenter’s mahogany facemask and sends his lifeless body across the room.
Vicki runs into the room, throws her arms around Walter and kisses him.
VICKI Oh, Walter, I thought you were dead.
WALTER Never.
They kiss passionately.
VICKI I love you.
She rests her head lovingly on his shoulder. Walter surveys the room, nods approvingly at his handiwork.
I actually got the idea from Cornetto's page four. If you read it, suddenly the female Asian clerk becomes an Indian male and also the cops appear out of absolutely nowhere, as if it were all happening in his mind.
I actually got the idea from Cornetto's page four. If you read it, suddenly the female Asian clerk becomes an Indian male and also the cops appear out of absolutely nowhere, as if it were all happening in his mind.
Makes sense to me. I just finished mine, but I think it's a lot of work for nada here. So, what's our next story idea? =)
INT. MANSION - OFFICE - LATER Walter’s eyes slowly flutter open, like he’s done several times before. He looks around. His hands are handcuffed to the luxurious office chair he’s in. Boris stands over him. BORIS Good evening. I have one question for you. Walter’s eyes can hardly stay open. WALTER (Weak) What? BORIS Do you want to live through this? Walter gets the strength to glare at Boris. WALTER With the night I’ve had, do I-- Boris looks away, snaps his fingers. WALTER (CONT'D) Hey, I’m talking to you. Listen closely. I. Don’t. Fucking. Care. BORIS So be it. The Carpenter approaches Walter. He holds out a cell phone to Walter. Walter stares at it. BORIS (CONT'D) You call your brother, tell him to come here and you’re free. WALTER Hey, cosmonaut, look down here. Boris looks down at Walter’s hands. Walter lifts up his middle finger as high as it can go. BORIS Pity. Boris nods to The Carpenter. The Carpenter pulls a pair of wire cutters from behind his back. Without hesitation, he cuts off Walter’s middle finger. Walter screams out in pain. BORIS (CONT'D) I know you’re still coherent enough so listen up. The next piece I have him take, won’t be yours. Walter, still in pain, looks up at Boris. Boris whistles. Andrei walks into the room, following a woman, MARIE MARSH (45), who’s gagged. WALTER Marie? (To Boris) You son of a bitch! BORIS Call him and it all stops. Maybe you can even save your wife from losing any pieces of herself. (To Marie) That would be such a shame. Boris laughs to himself. BORIS (CONT'D) Your brother for your wife. What’s it gonna be? VICKI (O.S.) How about both?! Everyone turns around, sees Vicki standing in the doorway with a handgun to the head of someone who look a lot like Walter and an Uzi facing Boris. The man, KEVIN MARSH (47), has tape over his mouth. The two slowly enter the room. BORIS Well, well, well. You saved me a lot of trouble. Hand him over and we’ll call it even. VICKI Even? You murder my husband and you’d call that even? BORIS Your husband? We don’t murder as a first resort. We like to discuss and talk sense into people, first. VICKI It may not have been you but it was people like you. All you greedy sons of bitches who want everything for yourself. (To Walter) Cut him loose. Boris nods, looks at blood on the ground near Vicki. BORIS You’re looking a little weak, young lady. VICKI Do it. BORIS As you wish, my love. The Carpenter cuts off Walter’s restraints. Walter struggles to his feet, walks over to Marie. WALTER (To Boris) Let her go. BORIS No. She stays until I get Kevin. It’s like I told you, your brother for your wife. Kevin tries to talk, but can’t over the tape on his mouth. Kevin nods his head. Vicki slowly walks Kevin towards Boris. Boris points to Andrei. Andrei pulls his gun away, Marie runs over to Walter. They hug. BORIS (CONT'D) Well, Mr. Marsh... it looks like this is goodbye. Walter glares at Boris as he and Marie walk away. INT. HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT (FLASHBACK) Vicki and Kevin sit at a round dining table. A lamp shines above them. KEVIN So, they’re going after him? VICKI They will, yeah. KEVIN Why are the Russians going after him? They know me and they’ve been on me for years. VICKI Maybe it’s to bring you to them. KEVIN What about the dentists? Vicki shakes her head. VICKI Negative. The Russians compromised them. If they get involved, we take them out. KEVIN It’s like they’re getting to everyone now. VICKI Not us. (Beat) You sure you’re ready for this? KEVIN The greater good. Let’s do this. Vicki looks to the side. VICKI Fred? He’s ready. Fred walks over holding a handful of dental tools. BACK TO SCENE Walter, Vicki and Marie leave as Kevin stands eye to eye with Boris. They share a short glance. BORIS We meet again. Kevin nods his head once. He puts his hands in his pockets. BORIS (CONT'D) You know what I want yet you didn’t just use your standard cyanide capsule? (Beat) Let’s go to it. INT. SUV - NIGHT (FLASHBACK) Vicki and Kevin sit next to each other. VICKI When the Russians make their move, we’ll be ready. Kevin nods his head, pushes his tongue through the gap left by a missing incisor. EXT. MANSION - NIGHT Walter, Marie and Vicki walk out. Vicki looks back at the mansion. VICKI Walter? WALTER Please, don’t... VICKI No, listen to me. Your brother-- WALTER Yeah, I gave him up. To those animals, I gave him up. VICKI Did you? Walter looks over to Vicki. WALTER What do you mean? VICKI Your brother believed in this. He was willing to sacrifice himself to make sure you’d be safe. (Beat) You should be proud of him. Vicki pulls a tooth from her pocket, shows it to Walter. INT. MANSION - OFFICE - CONTINUOUS Boris rips the tape off Kevin’s mouth. Kevin smiles back, showing a missing tooth. Boris’ mouth turns to shock. BORIS Where is it?! Kevin pulls his hands out of his pocket. KEVIN In my shirt pocket. Boris unzips Kevin’s jacket, pulls it open, revealing a dynamite-based bomb. KEVIN (CONT'D) Oops. Kevin opens his right hand. In it is a small detonator. Kevin smiles directly at Boris. He presses the detonator trigger. FADE OUT. THE END.
I just got home from work and read the grand finale. Ha-ha, what an interesting experiment. My fault that it got so muddled. I'll probably sit the next one out and just observe. If there is a next one.
I'd love to do something like this again. Maybe by the time I wake up tomorrow, there'll already be one started and we can get back into this again. =)
Next time, to keep it more focused, maybe we should run it more like an OWC, where someone comes up with a genre and a simple idea, and then the next person writes the first page and go from there. And it has a ten page limit, so if the story is say at page seven, the next writer in line knows its time to work toward the ending. I think that would prevent the story from getting a little outta control.
That's a good point. I shall try and post some this time tomorrow with something. God willing, and all that stuff.
Right. No, left. They are nicer. At least they pretend to be.
Now is tea time. But I tink I shall hit the bottle instead. I'll also be thumping fuck outta some cans of Fosters or Carlsberg. The knight is so young, but I feel auld today.
Fuck it. Those are my watch words for today.
I do hope some folk get home safe soon. And they should be listened to. Please.
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Let's Get It On - You're It!
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