SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is October 16th, 2018, 6:05am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for award consideration

Click here for theme and genre

The Night Gallery 7 Week Challenge

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  The Velvet Song Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    The Velvet Song  (currently 377 views)
Don
Posted: December 3rd, 2017, 12:19pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
12486
Posts Per Day
1.93
The Velvet Song by Alicia M McClendon - Drama, Action, Adventure - After losing her mentor, a young refugee regains her will to live after saving a romantic, traveling doctor from bandits. "The Velvet Song" is a tale about a young woman overcoming her past while fighting for the future of others. 9 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (5 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  August 24th, 2018, 1:29pm
revised draft
Logged
Site Private Message
Marty
Posted: December 3rd, 2017, 12:34pm Report to Moderator
Purple



Posts
176
Posts Per Day
0.42
Alicia,

Pages 6-14 are missing. Just thought I would let you know so you could fix it.

All the best,
Marty
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 2
eldave1
Posted: December 6th, 2017, 11:14am Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
Southern California
Posts
3764
Posts Per Day
2.45
Alicia: You are missing some of the basics right out of the shoot.

Don't put your title on the first page of the script. That's what the title page is for.

FADE IN:


Quoted Text
EXT. WOODLAND-DUSK

The rain pours down mercilessly under the stormy, gray sky...


No need for the opening "The's in your descriptions. Rain pours....

She spots an opening in a tree trunk.


Quoted Text
LEILA
Cy, lets get inside.

Cy heads inside first, our protagonist following behind
crawling inside.

Inside the tree trunk...


You need a new scene heading here. e.g.,

INT. HOLLOW OF TREE TRUNK - DUSK

or something like that.

Leila takes out a blanket from the sack, Cy snuggling
against her underneath the sheet as they listen to the
downpour outside.


Quoted Text
CUT TO:

We hear the chirping of birds outside the tree trunk, a
fragment of sunlight caressing Leila’s face. Her eyes flicker ope
.

Get rid of all your CUT TOs - you are using them in place of scene headings and using them incorrectly. Time has passed. It is not a cut to. Should be something like:

INT. HOLLOW OF TREE TRUNK - DAWN


Quoted Text
Beside her Cy sleeps like a log. She
crawls out the tree trunk, stirring Cy who follows behind.

CUT TO:


No Cut to. Should be:

EXT. WOODLAND-DAWN

You have this problem throughout - using Cut To rather than scene heading. Got to clean that up.

All the best



My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 2 - 2
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Drama Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006