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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  The Ghost In My Room Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: November 12th, 2017, 11:08am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Ghost In My Room by Eric Dickson - Horror - A single mother and her rebellious teen daughter move to a new home where they are tormented nightly by a crew of evil delinquents bent on offering the young girl to a blood thirsty incubus living in her bedroom mirror. 89 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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Dzemal
Posted: November 20th, 2017, 7:17am Report to Moderator
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Nice writing however itís somewhat predictable
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Jack
Posted: November 20th, 2017, 6:27pm Report to Moderator
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Even the big reveal with Greg at the motel and his involvement with hiring Scott?  And Greer actually being the real Scott's wife?  Or Scott hiring Teddy and crew to scare his new neighbors?  

All of this predictable?  Damn.  I tried hard to make this as unpredictable as possible.  I can see the obvious connection between Scott and daughter Arielle right away, but as for the rest, im surprised you found it predictable.  In five days, im supposed to get a yay or nay on this one going into production.  Ill be interested to see their notes.


Dark Games, Niner, The Utah Murder Project, Bricktown Heroes, Night of the Red Phantom, The Bad News First, Kirkwood, Dead Men Play Dirty, Squad Room, Street Tough, Redwood: A UFO Story, HOA, Cover Story, A Nightmare on Elm Street, In the Still of the Night, The Night Watchers (aka The Creeps), The Anarchist's Playground, The Ghost In My Room, Beverly Hills Cops, Heartbeat, The Cop Killers, 3G, Best Served Cold, Joey, Open Road
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eldave1
Posted: November 20th, 2017, 8:38pm Report to Moderator
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Hey, Eric - read 20. Horror not really my thing but I enjoyed your writing.

IMO - there is a bit of a disconnect in Elsa. She is alarmed that her daughter got a ride - to the point of being overprotective. YET - she has no issue with undressing in front of an open window and inviting a virtual stranger (Scott) into her house.  Maybe this is explained later on - but it just struck me is really a schizo personality trait.  Would have made more sense to me if she were overly cautious.

Anyway - good luck with the production folks. For the most part I thought the writing was solid.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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