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me, I have not read the scripts you have mentioned yet, but am planning to. I currently am trying to write my second script at the moment. I have read everyone's comments (both negative and positive) and have taken them into consideration.
I will most likely read the scripts mentioned earlier, tomorrow, because I really want to get as much done with my second script as possible tonight and the rest of the weekend.
No doubt most of the scripts you have read are shooting scripts or transcripts posted on the web. Not original spec scripts.
And thereby lies the difference.
First of all there are very few rules when writing a script but there are many guide lines. They are not and have not been created to make it easier for beginners. Producers don’t care how long you have been writing what they do care about is if you can write.
And an economy of words is an indication to the skills of the writer.
Writing short action sequences is easy if you think in camera movements, shots or angles but obviously don’t include camera directions as such, in a spec script.
Example a fight scene from my screenplay “Recompense”
“Oneshot watches Hardman #1’s approach in the mirror.
Hardman #1 is annoyed at not getting respect and his face show it. He puts his left hand on Oneshot’s left shoulder and begins to thrust the knife forward with his right.
Oneshot ducks and turns in a flash as he pushes the hand with the blade away with his left hand, he punches Hardman #1 in the throat with his right fist.
Hardman #1 collapses. Hardman #2 with a knife in his right hand rushes from the washroom door toward Oneshot. He lurches at his victim.
Oneshot twists his body so that the blade misses, then with both hands he grabs the assailant’s right wrist and wrenches it backwards.
Hardman #2’s ELBOW SNAPS in a loud CRACK as Oneshot bends it backwards, the blade hits the floor.”
Sorry, Ron, but your example is pretty poorly written, and is not a good example of "economy of words", in any way.
How many times do you use "right hand", "left hand", etc.? WAY TOO MANY! This is way too detailed. No reader cares for this level of detail, and most won't continue.
Another issue is the lack of character's names. "Hardman #1" and "Hardman #2" aren't going to cut it very often.
Don't mean to be an ass, but your example isn't going to help anyone.
No doubt most of the scripts you have read are shooting scripts or transcripts posted on the web. Not original spec scripts.
And thereby lies the difference.
First of all there are very few rules when writing a script but there are many guide lines. They are not and have not been created to make it easier for beginners. Producers don’t care how long you have been writing what they do care about is if you can write.
And an economy of words is an indication to the skills of the writer.
Writing short action sequences is easy if you think in camera movements, shots or angles but obviously don’t include camera directions as such, in a spec script.
Example a fight scene from my screenplay “Recompense”
“Oneshot watches Hardman #1’s approach in the mirror.
Hardman #1 is annoyed at not getting respect and his face show it. He puts his left hand on Oneshot’s left shoulder and begins to thrust the knife forward with his right.
Oneshot ducks and turns in a flash as he pushes the hand with the blade away with his left hand, he punches Hardman #1 in the throat with his right fist.
Hardman #1 collapses. Hardman #2 with a knife in his right hand rushes from the washroom door toward Oneshot. He lurches at his victim.
Oneshot twists his body so that the blade misses, then with both hands he grabs the assailant’s right wrist and wrenches it backwards.
Hardman #2’s ELBOW SNAPS in a loud CRACK as Oneshot bends it backwards, the blade hits the floor.”
And how does one "begin to thrust a knife forward"? Is he standing there thinking, "I'm sooo gonna stab this bastard, like, really soon. I'm not doing it now, I'm beginning to but I'm not quite there yet. Aw fuck, he gonna find out I'm beginning to stab him and then he's gonna turn around and break my fucking elbow. Shit. Dammit."?
Dammit, he's a legend? I better watch my mouth then.
He seems to have taken some heat for just trying to help. You are essentially really concerned about his use of two redundant words ("begins to" and that's a matter of opinion), and Dreamscale seems very concerned that a couple of random goons who are just there for the body count, don't have names.
His example is a fair one. You can have as many lines of description as you want if its moving the story along properly.
It's weird, I cracked open Mike Judge's latest screenplay yesterday ("Extract") and his formatting was atrocious. The description paragraphs were sometimes 5+ sentences and it made for a very slow, grueling read. "The rules" exist for a reason. Just check out that script.
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Why can I not go over 4 lines? I am frustrated.
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