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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Series  ›  Bedtime Bible Stories Moderators: bert
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  Author    Bedtime Bible Stories  (currently 10201 views)
Don
Posted: February 19th, 2013, 11:32pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Bedtime Bible Stories Episode 1 by Will Ball (albinopenguin) - Series - It's Robot Chicken meets the Bible. Don't read lest your soul be cast into eternal damnation. 12 pages - pdf, format

Bedtime Bible Stories Episode 2 by Will Ball (albinopenguin) - Series - Do not read lest your soul be cast into the eternal fires of hell. 15 pages - pdf, format




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Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  January 29th, 2014, 5:40pm
Episode 2 updated
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rc1107
Posted: February 20th, 2013, 12:09am Report to Moderator
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Well, these certainly aren't renditions of 'The Illustrated Bedtime Bible' that my mom used to read me when I was younger.

What's up, Will?  Good to see something new from you.

A couple people'll probably find a couple of these a little bit appalling, but I know you like to do things in good fun, so I know you're not purposely trying to piss people off like others do who post offensive things like these.

I gotta say, I can't point to one of these stories and say I didn't enjoy it or get a laugh out of it.  I also can't point one out as my favorite because they were all quite enjoyable.  Every single one deserves to stay there and, honestly, I can't wait until episode 2.  :-)

Pretty funny, Will.



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rc1107  -  February 20th, 2013, 1:08am
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crookedowl
Posted: February 20th, 2013, 1:04am Report to Moderator
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Hey Will,

I enjoyed this. Quick read-- even got a few laughs out of me. I agree with Mark, every one of these belongs. I hate to say this, but I really don't have any complaints. Nice job,

The Other Will
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pale yellow
Posted: February 20th, 2013, 7:43am Report to Moderator
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Wow...definitely different than anything I've ever read ...just wonder...are you going to do an animated web series out of this?

The writing is good. Quick read as stated before. You may catch some bad publicity from this lil piece BUT any publicity is good publicity sometimes!

Write on Will!


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Eoin
Posted: February 20th, 2013, 8:51am Report to Moderator
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Hi Will,

Some laughs in here for sure - that 'Too Soon' episode, yeah . . . some people would say 'Better Never, Than Late'.

Only mistake I spotted, Page 9:

JESUS
Listen guys. It’s not that hard. If
you believe me in, then you can do
anything.

I think that should be 'believe in me'

Nice writing.

Eoin
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CoopBazinga
Posted: February 20th, 2013, 9:35am Report to Moderator
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Hey Will,

Well, that was a humorous read and I loved the nice addition of Yoda. It definitely had a Robot Chicken feel to it like the logline said.

I particularly laughed at “silent cries for help”

Look forward to episode 2.

Enjoyed it.

Steve
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Ex_R_AY
Posted: February 20th, 2013, 10:43am Report to Moderator
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Really well done!

Haven't laughed that hard at a short... maybe ever. I really like the the direction you took with the stories and didn't make them so ONLY bible based (which was what I was expecting), But integrated some pop culture references and current events.

Too soon? and In a parallel universe were probably my favorites.

I really didn't see anything wrong personally. I think in the Gods hangover clip you accidentally said adam and even. But other than that minute misspell. Totally awesome.

You're really funny man. Good job!

Andrew
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albinopenguin
Posted: February 20th, 2013, 5:37pm Report to Moderator
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Hey everyone!

Thanks for the love. Really glad you're digging this. I'm on my 3rd draft of a feature right now, so I've been writing this on the side (when I needed a break). I have SO many ideas for this, so I'm sure I'll be writing ep 2 in the near future.

The biggest challenge for this was determining how obscure I should be. I want this to work on several levels. I want people who barely know the Bible to find it just as funny as those who know it front to back.

As for bringing this to life, I envisioned this as a series of real life clips with cheesy costumes. If you ever went to Sunday school as a kid and watched those shitty VHS tapes (when the teacher didnt feel like teaching), then you probably know what I'm talking about.

Regardless, thank you SO much for reading and leaving feedback. Feels great to be back on the boards!


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Bogey
Posted: February 20th, 2013, 7:22pm Report to Moderator
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This is a scream! Please work Palin into the next episode!!
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bert
Posted: February 20th, 2013, 9:56pm Report to Moderator
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Not bad at all.  Although something of a mixed bag overall, this one certainly had its moments, and the stuff I did not care for was over in a flash anyway.

For feedback on future efforts, I would advise you to keep them nice and short, as you have done here.  Do not let any of these skits overstay their welcome.

As for this:


Quoted from albinopenguin
I want people who barely know the Bible to find it just as funny as those who know it front to back.


I would focus more on the former -- unless you are being subtle just to amuse yourself, which is fine -- but I expect very few of the latter are in your target audience for this sort of material.

But nicely done.  Left me wanting more, which happens all too seldom.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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Ledbetter
Posted: February 20th, 2013, 10:14pm Report to Moderator
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All in all, it was Okay but...

But using Cassie Bernall, who was murdered during the Columbine massacre for professing her Christianity, was IMO in extremely bad taste.


Unlike Bert, I wasn't left wanting more.

Shawn…..><
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irish eyes
Posted: February 20th, 2013, 10:26pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Will

I was gonna cry copyright infringement  for a min

Page 2

Solider should be soldier

I enjoyed parting of the lazy river and there is another savior.
You had some good stories here short and sweet.

nice writing

Mark


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albinopenguin
Posted: March 2nd, 2013, 2:15pm Report to Moderator
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I got dipping sticks.

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Thanks everyone. Really appreciate the help/comments. I'll definitely keep all of this in mind for Episode 2. And I agree, short and sweet is the way to go.

Furthermore, I want BBS to stoop as low as humanly possible. Nothing is sacred and nothing is off limits...especially people like Cassie Bernall (which upon research, actually didn't confess her beliefs on the day of the shooting but rather two weeks prior). Regardless, sorry you found it too extreme Ledbetter, even if you are located in my daughter's room


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JimElder
Posted: March 5th, 2013, 2:31am Report to Moderator
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G'day Will,
Loved it.
Don't know what your on,
but it's probably illegal in Australia.
Can't wait for the next.
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albinopenguin
Posted: March 5th, 2013, 12:10pm Report to Moderator
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I got dipping sticks.

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haha thanks Jim! My dealer always hooks me up.

So apparently this script is pissing a few people off. Look at the PM I just received:

"Just wanted to tell you your script is disrespectful, offensive and utter garbage.   If you wrote that kind of cr** about Muhammad your name would be on a death list.  

Lest you repent, you WILL be held accountable for it on the Day of Judgment.  And just so there's no mistake, JESUS is the judge.

On a semi-positive note, your formatting is pretty good."

Now granted, I'm not going to say who wrote this message (out of respect for said individual). But it is a bit cowardly not to post this in this thread.

Can't tell you how happy I was to receive this. It means I'm doing something right...

More anxious to write episode 2 than ever!


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