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I thought this was awesome. I only read ten or so pages... got to the pub scene and left, nothing to do with the writing, but I had to go and do the Xmas family thing.
I think the dialogue is cool. I wouldn't shorten the producer'writer scene. I liked how it all played out. Certain scenes need to be stepped into, but this seems more funny the way it's written. I liked the impending doom of meeting the producer... thought the whole build-up and execution was funny, dead-on, and entertaining. I wouldn't cut any of it.
Josh, I'm using the free version and I'm wondering how long it took you to write "Love and Horror" because I'm having a helluva time with the program. It's always jumping around every time I try to write a scene, some dialogue, or whatever. Is there an option where I can set it to not jump around like a screenwriting software on crack cocaine? I normally use Celtx and it never does that to me. But do you know what I'm talking about, though?
....rendevous, that's a good idea with giving the producer's assistant a name, but I was going for the affect of the guy not having much of an identity at all, letting him get pushed around and getting disrespected as much as possible by the producer, unless that didn't work at all in which case.....
You may want to go with Rendevous suggestion here - especially if it is going to be a series (i.e., won't this guy keep showing up?).
Glad the other suggestions helped - looking forward to the next episode
Dead, that's a bit strange... what exactly do you mean? I've had pretty much 0 problems with the software, but there are *a lot* of features. You might have been caught up with "typewriter mode", which basically means the screen follows the words you type, but if it's not that then I would recommend emailing the creator at guy@writerduet.com, he's super helpful and will probably give a reply in a few days at most.
The new revision was just put up. I have made some more changes since this draft concerning the advice I've gotten here, but just wanted to inform that this was updated. Thank you!
Hi Josh. This was a breeze to read from start to finish.
It's a decent premise and I think you did it justice. All of the characters were unique and likeable in different ways and the dialogue was great throughout. I especially liked the way you set up Pierce. The conversation George and the assistant have on pages 3 and 4 say a lot about his character without him even being in the room.
A few minor notes.
I noticed you don't use DAY/NIGHT in your slugs apart from on page 4 where you use NOON. I'm not sure if it's just a personal choice but it's probably best to keep it consistent. Also just write day or night unless it's really important. We already know it's noon from the conversation beforehand so it seemed a bit pointless to specify it.
Page 3 - Think 'Crew' and 'Producer's Assistant' should be capped but might be wrong.
Page 14 – Kabob. Thought it was a spelling mistake at first but you write it again on the next page. I'm British so I'm guessing that's what we call a Kebab over here?
Page 28 – When George is texting Reed you write 'texting' in parentheticals for the first two lines and then drop it. Again, probably best to keep it consistent.
Page 28/9 – George turns his phone off and two scenes later it rings. I get that he could've just turned it back on but it didn't seem necessary him turning it off in the first place. He could've just slipped it back in his pocket instead.
Page 32 – Nice twist. It accelerates the story nicely.
I thoroughly enjoyed this. You've set up some interesting characters, put them in interesting situations and left it at a point where the story could go in a lot of different directions.
Best of luck with this and hope something happens with it.