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"That's gonna take too long. Their are hundreds and hundreds man. But i know a good place where we can start at piglet." YES!
"HIGGONAITOR Jack Black does not have moves like me." If andrew wrote it, it must be true!
Anyway, yeah, this was okay. I think it would have been more funny if posted earlier, because as said before, most of the jokes have been told in Previous SS scripts. So, A for effort Andrew. B for humor. A for piglet.
I know this was written for a laugh, and I can appreciate that, but when you look at some of the other spoofs we have, they did more with the material than just the laughs.
With SimplyNoir, some of the situations are relatively funny whether you know the people or not. They are made funnier when you see who is being hit and that inside humor is being layered on top of what's already there.
I reckon you've created a bit of a monster with 'Simply Noir', partly because the script is very good in itself as a good example of a well structured story, plot, characters, dialogue and formatting in a screenplay. The very fact you have achieved this and set the bar very high with your efforts means others on these boards, it appears, want to emulate your achievements..
You should be very proud that a lot of the younger members of SimplyScripts have been inspired by your talent. Each one of them can see you are very talented, and the other guy who co-wrote ‘Simply Noir’ with you. This is testament to how good it is that you guys have a following of acolytes who simply want to write with the same attention to the craft as you guys do..
Problem is, the writers make the same mistakes because when they write screenplays they concentrate on the story, with little attention to plot, characters based upon what they think they know rather something with more depth and their dialogue tends to be pulled directly from conversations culled from these boards rarther than central to the actual plot.
But, and this is a big but, these writers have been influenced by you George, they respect you so much, you have become a mentor to them.
Your problem is how best to use this gift.. Personally, I suggest you offer screenwriting classes on these boards to best illustrate the correct craft of writing a spec screenplay.. Maybe a George Willson Spec Script Secrets thread where other members of this board can visit and discuss these issues of the craft itself..
The fact that the younger writers are emulating ‘Simply Noir’ is quite amazing in itself but they haven’t assimilated the overall craft so this is where you come in George because you are more than capable of helping these guys because you obviously have these skills..
Rather than set up writing competitions where everybody makes the same mistakes over and over again, the ‘Spec Script classes’ would at least go towards acting as a guide in solving a lot of basic issues in their writing.
So, you must take some of the responsibility here George, these guys are your acolytes who are very much influenced by your success and they like to show their hero that they are able to replicate what you do too..
Hehe.. A bit of a Frankenstein…
Golden opportunity here George, me thinks..
Hey, could lead to you writing your own book on writing the spec screenplay and at the same time providing classes on these boards..
You're a 'mentor', man.. Hehe.. In your own screenplay nightmare...
I'm serious, I think in time you, Bert, Andrew and once mine comes out we'll all learn and move ahead with a better idea of what to do and what people want.
All I ever wished was that I could live a little longer, my death seemed like Andrew just got sick of the character and killed him off or he was trying to do more with him and couldn't so he killed him quickly.
Well anyone else gonna review it or does anyone have more things i can improve on in the future overall. I would always like to improve on something on every script.
I took another look at this script to see if I could offer you something..
After reading it again I thought to myself the problem with why it reads so rapid is the lack of action, for the first half to 3 quarters of your script the story is told through dialogue. And although this in itself isn’t a problem, the fact that any action is extremely brief forces the story to take on a really fast pace when one reads the characters dialogue.
I noticed you started to expand at around a third the way through and there was more text in your scene descriptions and your action this slowed the pace down some and gave the peice more dymanics..
Personally I don’t see a problem with the dialogue and jokes you used, maybe you could construct a story and have the characters dialogue be directly related to the story and plot and at the same time slot in the occasional quote or two in these character’s dialogue so this then makes references as in-jokes to the intended readership..
Alternatively, just write a good little story with a plot and characters which do not make references to people on SimplyScripts then do a re-write of that script and insert the members from these boards into your script and have them speak as they do on these boards. Once you have your story with plot and characters you may discover you have a structure you can then play around wth, at this point you can then play around with the script and make in-jokes from what people say on these boards..
Personally, and this is my opinion, I reckon this is how ‘Simply Noir’ came about. The guys had a decent little story with characters and a plot and an ending then played around with it and made their characters reflect some of the members from SimplyScripts. Once they did that it probably took on a life of it’s own and developed into that great script we’ve all read icluding some specific things people say and how they talk etc...
You don’t have any problem with dialogue or telling a story, Andrew, maybe just bulk it out a tad with better scene descriptions and photograpable action – make it more filmic.. Everything else will just follow that..
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The Mystery of Simply Scripts
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really thank you
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