Hey Guys,

Thanks for checking it out.  I'm toying with the idea of turning it into a feature with a bit of story tweaking, although it will probably be awhile before I get around to it.

Thanks again.

Hey Mike,

I took a quick glance through some of the comments to make sure I don't repeat what other people have already mentioned.  (Going to be hard to do, especially after Mr. Z and Abe.)  The main thing I see people complaining about is the logline.  Have you changed the logline since you posted this, what, a year and a half ago?  I liked it.  I was browsing through your stuff, and the logline was what drew me to this one.

First of all, I just want to say, I almost stopped reading it after page eleven.  Not because of the story, I loved the story.  But because of the typo.  Do you even reread your work after you write it?   :-)   (On 11, you have 'The finish heading down the stairs...'  It should be 'They.')  Hey, I think it's the only mistake I found that nobody else mentioned.  I kind of feel proud of myself for that one.

I have to admit, usually, I'm not a big monster, vampire, zombie, paranormal-themed kind of person, but this was a pretty nice surprise, especially since it had been built up with realistic borders.

When I read it, I was thinking to myself that not foreshadowing the werewolf was  a pretty good concept.  (I was ticked off at myself when Abe mentioned the 'Things could get hairy' part.  I can't believe I missed that.)  Usually, when something strange like that happens in a story, something comes out of nowhere, it feels like a cheat, like the writer didn't have any ideas as for where to go.  (Kind of like in 'The Forgotten'.)  But that concept really worked in this story.

I think there was at least one other person who commented on your dialogue, so I won't repeat how well that was written.

Anway, like I had said, I really liked this a lot.  I've noticed a lot of people saying that it reminded them a lot of 'From Dusk Til Dawn'.  I didn't really get that so much from it.  I see where they were coming from, but yours is original enough to stand on its own.  I did see some 'Reservoir Dogs' in it, though.  But you can't have a caper movie without a scene with the thugs planning the cape.

I also saw that you might be interested in turning this into a feature.  I know I'm a year and a half late, but have you expanded it or still in that process?

Anyway, real good read.  Thanks for the entertainment.

- Mark

Hey Mark,

Thanks for giving it a read.  Looks like it's been awhile since anybody's looked at this one, so the bump is appreciated.

Nope, never did change the logline.  I agree that it can be a little misleading since it's not the TRUE theme of the story, but it's there in a sense.

I'm glad you didn't see the twist as a cheat.  I definitely wanted for it to come out of nowhere, and I think I was able to accomplish that based on the feedback I've received.

I do give thought to turning this into a feature every so often, but I think what keeps me from doing it (other than being busy with other projects) is that I already have a criminals/monsters feature length script up here.  Granted, it's in a much different context, but it's still somewhat similar.

Thanks for checking it out.  Glad you enjoyed it.

PS - "Things could get hairy" is VERY subtle, so don't feel bad about missing it.